


With Or Without (Daryl Dixon X Reader)

by MiyakoNanashi



Series: Dear Diary (Daryl Dixon X Reader) [2]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Cross-Posted on Wattpad, F/M, Inspired by The Walking Dead, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 49,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25823938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiyakoNanashi/pseuds/MiyakoNanashi
Summary: An sequel｜spin-off version of the main story 'Dear Diary', which includes a lot of Missing Moments trough the time jump from December to the end of April. You try to live a normal life in the community, until you're finally getting reunited with your family again, within the walls of Alexandria. And your relationship with Daryl is growing, while you never really thought it would come out like this...Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader[STORY - 2018] - Wattpad - (possible grammatical errors)
Relationships: Daryl Dixon & You, Daryl Dixon/You
Series: Dear Diary (Daryl Dixon X Reader) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1873705
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

It was still impossible for you to avoid thinking of Joe and the Claimers and everything you’ve been through. You started to remember what Aaron said. “Deanna Monroe is in charge of assigning the roles of those who live here, and she can find the most suitable job simply by talking, asking everyone about their own story.”, Aaron continued, not hiding his admiration and respect for the woman. 

Aaron took you to her, and as soon as you entered her house, you remembered how you looked around. You looked at her, thinking back to the words of admiration that Aaron had reserved for her: Deanna Monroe immediately gave the impression of being a woman of a reassuring face and a determined attitude. 

“My family…” You hesitated for a moment, feeling a knot in your throat. “They taught me to survive out there.”, you cut short. You did not want to think back to when you were all still together, all alive. And Daryl…

“Where are they? How many were you?" 

You felt your eyes swell with tears and looked away, biting your lip. "I think they’re still in Georgia… We settled in a prison and, being a well-protected place, we began to welcome other survivors. We went looking for them, a bit like Aaron and Eric do. Then the prison was destroyed and from there we dispersed. Then I was with Daryl… Now I don’t know how many are still alive." 

"Has the prison been destroyed?”

“The madness of one man can cause enormous damage.”, you replied. "We were like going to war with another community, led by a murderer who called himself the Governor. He’s the one who started it all, he’s the one who showed up at the prison gates and destroyed them.“, you said, still hearing the sound of explosions, shouts and gunshots in your ears; feeling the same fear of that time shaking your limbs. 

"And to save you, you were forced to flee with Daryl? But you couldn’t do it together til the end?”, Deanna concluded, her eyes full of compassion. 

“Yes.”, you murmured. 

“I see. I’m very sorry for what you’ve been through.”, she said sincerely.

“As far as the rest of your group is concerned, if we were sure that they were closer, we could go look for them." Your gaze flickered over Deanna’s face, hopeful. 

"But, right now, we can’t make such a long journey. One day, perhaps, we will be able to.”, she added immediately, attentive to your reaction. You stiffened, disappointed. "It is already too late.“, you said flatly.

"Even Eric and Aaron are not sure of finding people to save, when they leave Alexandria.”, you said. "Aaron already risked his life to save me from the herd of Walkers, and he didn’t knew if I was dangerous or not.“ 

"Eric and Aaron have never gone that far. It’s a long and risky journey, you have to think well of a decision like that, I know.”, Deanna said, trying to make you think. "Take your time to settle here, Y/N. If they survived until now, they will be able to continue doing so. Then, when the time is right, we will mobilize to go and look for them.“, she said, taking a look at you with a face that tried to convey all the possible security, her lips folded into a smile. You looked at her for a moment, not knowing what to say. She could tell the truth, as a lie could tell, but in both cases you would have discovered it only by staying there and integrating yourself more and more into the community. You could have refused the offer and could go back out there in that crazy world; or you could wait and try, in time, to convince Deanna or Aaron to help me, all while remaining safe and leading a kinda normal life. You would have had more chances of staying alive to find them if you remained safe behind the walls of Alexandria, you knew it. 

And Deanna was right: Aaron and Eric would have done it anyway. You trusted them, their skills, their strength, their caring and love for each other.

"Okay.”, you said, exhaling noisily and resting your back against the back of the sofa. "I will stay here, but I will try not to forget my real family.“, you warned her, quietly but firmly. Deanna continued to keep her eyes tied to yours, smiling happily. You limited yourself to smile in response, without finding anything to say. Inside of you, you were hoping that Aaron would agree. 

Deanna understood what made you remember your old life, and didn’t ask you any more questions. She thanked you for the time you had dedicated to her again. Outside Aaron was waiting for you like the first time. Then his look became tender and he approached you, resting a hand on your shoulder. "I can’t even imagine what you have seen out there. I understand that you disorient this reality and you find it hard to relax, but now you can. You’re safe, Y/N, really. Here it is not about surviving, it is about living. And you have the complete right.”

His voice was so sweet, sincere and reassuring that the tears came to your eyes without you being able to do anything about it. On one hand you still seemed to escape from the problems and from the reality of the world outside those walls, on the other you finally saw a new beginning after months and months of torture and suffering. If only the others had been there with you… Maggie, Glenn, Carl, Judith, Rick, Michonne, Bob, Sasha, Tyreese, Carol, Beth. And Daryl… Their faces began to show up in your mind and your heart tightened painful. 

“I would like my family to start living again, Aaron.”, you murmured, your voice sounding broken. He came close to you, involving you in a sort of clumsy hug. "We’ll take care of that too, Y/N. I promise you.“


	2. Chapter 2

You tried it, in the following month, to feel at home in Alexandria: It was incredible, a lot more than you expected. The first night, you slept in the living room of the house that had been assigned to you. As much as you tried to rethink Aaron’s kindness and Deanna’s reassuring words, you couldn’t close your eyes. Every little noise made you nervous and you waited for the moment when someone would break through the door to attack you again. Also, being without a gun didn’t help you to be more calm. But nothing ever happened, not even the following week. For you it was very difficult to lower the guard after, opening your eyes in the morning meant to be on a constant alert, with the danger always lurking and with the hope of being able to stay alive at the end of the day. Besides, you missed your family. Knowing that they were maybe still out there while you were safe, made you drop a tear every night before falling asleep. You had tried to describe to Aaron and Eric the people from which your group was composed, one by one, to make sure that they were recognizable for your two new friends. In a month, they had been out of Alexandria’s gates some times, and they hadn’t brought news of them and hadn’t seen them. You even managed to take another photograph of you in front of Alexandria’s gates, so that Rick and the others didn’t think it was an trick to lure them into a trap. To make sure that Aaron and Eric were taken seriously by your family, you had the idea to write something on the back of your photograph like the hints you always left outside of Alexandria’s walls.

❝I’m alive, I’m safe and I’m fine: the only thing I miss here is you. I wait for you all within the walls of Alexandria. I love you. Y/N❞

You closed the pen, hoping with all your strength that the photo, your words and those of Aaron were used to convince them that it wasn’t all a trick and that you were fine. The only way you could free your mind was the job you got from Deanna. You even spent more time with Aiden, who was still careful about your emotions after the last time you were with him. But it also happened again that you went to the Monroe’s house to have dinner with his family. It was a beautiful evening, even as Deanna, in a maternal way, welcomed you to dinner, drew a sense of emptiness in your stomach. You kind of spent a lot of time together, discussing what was the best way to reinforce the walls of Alexandria and where to find the right materials, studying the surroundings outside the safe zone on the maps at it’s disposal. You wanted to join Spencer and Aiden, but when you made the request, Deanna, even kindly, denied the permission, repeating that the community needed your presence in Alexandria to train the weak survivors. But staying within the walls meant not doing anything exciting for most of the time. Of course, you were grateful for the work that you had, but you felt slightly useless. Deanna knew that, she had arrived at the gates asking if she could kidnap you for a while.The questioning expression was permeated on your face until you both arrived in front of a garage where the children had school, and she greeted them with a smile, announcing: “From today on, every Friday, you’ll have a special lesson with Y/N, your new survival teacher.” You looked at her with wide eyes, while the few children which were present smiled enthusiastically. “Why?”, you had managed to ask astonished. “In this community, we are forgetting the importance of survival outside these walls. I don’t want the children of today to become adults of tomorrow who don’t know with which weapon, or how they can defend themselves.”, she explained, as if it were the most obvious answer to give. “I’m really grateful, Deanna, but… without them, I…”, you whispered, your eyes filled with tears while thinking back how Rick taught you how to kill a Walker. She had put a hand on your shoulder as a gesture of comfort. “If you don’t feel like it, I can understand, but at least think about it. I don’t push you at all, Y/N, but I’m not the only one who needs to learn.”, she replied with a worried look, referring clearly to Eric and Aaron. For a second you thought that Aiden had also noticed your mood: After meeting you at the dinner that he had organized specifically for you, every excuse seemed to be good to talk to you or to spend time with you. He was a good man, but you still did not understand if he was looking for a friendship or something more… Or you pretended not to understand him; Several times you had reclined his invitations, lost as you were in your bad mood: You endured only the company of Aaron and Eric. “I’m fine.”, you said, lying shamelessly. “I just think I still need time, but I promise I’ll think about it to train the kids too.” Deanna smiled at you. “When you have made a decision, tell me, whatever it is.” That evening you reflected a lot on Deanna’s proposal, staring at the ceiling emptiness comfortably spread out on your bed. Whenever you thought of a valid reason to accept, fear made you take a step back; You didn’t know exactly what scared you or what made you believe you wouldn’t be able to. The sadness that caused you to be far from your family was preventing you from doing what you needed most, and you felt you had no means of changing that situation. You were a prisoner of your own mind. Perhaps, if you tried to start again, to go to the following Wednesday you would have done it, you thought. And then, out of nowhere, like a flash in the clear summer sky, you remembered the candlelight and Daryl’s presence behind you, crying in silence. In your head you experienced that situation again, feeling a sense of relief in your heart; This was one of the emotions that caused you to think of him. You remembered Daryl’s eyes staring into yours as he settled into the little house and urged you to keep going: It was a look very similar to what you had exchanged in the woods, just before you parted. Intense, comfortable and difficult to interpret but still with a lot of fear, almost as much as the feelings that aroused you were anything that had to do with Daryl Dixon. His suggestion transcended the memory and came to your heart with a whole new sense: It was as if he had given you some advice that you should always follow him, in spite of everything. Whatever happened, even when he wouldn’t be there to protect you, you would have to keep going, because that was what you were doing, what you had always done: Go ahead and live, always. The following morning, you felt more disposed towards Deanna’s proposal: On the contrary, it gave you something new to take care of, a new goal, which for once had nothing to do with the routine of your job at Alexandria. Outside of the walls of the community it was as empty as it often was, so you had plenty of time to think about what you could make children learn, how to structure the lessons and how to find a compromise between the different ages of the kids. The embarrassment you felt when you showed up at Deanna’s door to convey your decision was obvious, especially to her. You were not sure if it was the right choice, but you were sure it was right to at least try. Deanna greeted the news enthusiastically, even giving you a proud look. You were beginning to believe that this woman really cared about making you an integral part of the community, regardless of whether you helped them out there or in there.After the lessons, Aaron had come to pick you up because that night you were invited to dinner at Eric’s; because they’ll go soon out there again to look for new people. “You did it to free yourself.”, he exclaimed, his hands tucked into his pockets. You grimaced annoyed, looking up at the sky. “I don’t know how many times I told myself I had to go on. I always found a new excuse.”, you complained, starting to walk beside him. Aaron laughed, ruffling your hair in an affectionate gesture. You snorted as you settled the mess on your head given to you by your friend. The next wednesday morning you opened your eyes early and you were even more pleased to have accepted the offer from Deanna. You tried to do everything slowly, so as to pass the time. You prepared breakfast and consumed it with feigned calm, wasting time reviewing the program you had prepared for the lesson as you sipped your coffee and crunched the biscuits prepared by Olivia. Instead of leaving the dishes in the sink as usual, you even washed them as soon as you had breakfast, then headed upstairs to choose the clothes to wear. You changed your mind two or three times, finally opting for simple dark pants paired with a long-sleeved dark shirt, between all the clothes that volunteers had given you. You felt you hadn’t dressed in the most appropriate way, perhaps because you didn’t resemble the teachers you had when you were at school, always dressed elegant and full-blown. For some reason you wanted to present yourself to the best of it, although you knew it wasn’t so important. The closer the lesson came, the more often your stomach writhed in painful pangs due to nervousness; It was nice, after a long time, to be nervous about something, kind of, normal, again. But it was good that it was the emotion that caused you to get stuck in your stomach, not fear or anguish. The largest door from the garage was closed so you slipped into the little door on one side of the structure. “Welcome, Y/N!”, the children said. “Good morning, kids…”, you murmured. “I hope I’m not too early." "You’re on time. Please come in!”, one of the kids exclaimed, inviting you with a wave of his hand. You felt all those eyes on you, intrigued but not really smiling. From there you started with the presentations and immediately tried to remember all the names and faces. You should have remembered them in order to better structure your lessons, in fact you marked all the names and ages in your notebook. Initially it was difficult to find the way to start the lesson, because you felt all the inexperience on your side, and this blocked you from time to time making you lose the thread of the speech or making you stumble over your own words while you spoke. But the children were so good and dear, that soon insecurity gave way to the desire to teach them how important survival was. You started from the basics, like Rick in the prison. You repeated the concepts a couple of times, and then ended the lesson by showing some melee weapons. You let yourself go to a sigh of relief, as if you had finally resumed breathing. You left the garage and immediately had a headache and you felt tired; The only thing you could think of was the moment when you would finally throw yourself on the couch and rest a while. Despite the exhaustion, however, you were happy with that experience. For a moment, you thought of going to Deanna to thank her, but you were not sure you could resist, since the pressing desire to rest didn’t leave you alone. You finally got home and, closing the door behind you and took off your boots and slid into the living room. The feeling that pervaded you when you sank between the soft cushions of the sofa was something commendable that you had not felt for a long time: It seemed to you to go back in time, when you were hanging out after a particularly tiring school day. You settled on your stomach, hugging the pillow and closing your eyes, letting go of a groan of satisfaction: You fell asleep immediately. You don’t know how long, but at a certain point something dragged you slowly out of sleep, even if you didn’t immediately realize what it was. It took two or three shots at the door to finally make me realize that someone was knocking. Your eyes narrowed for a moment, annoyed and without the slightest desire to get up. “Who is it?”, you asked, annoyed, and your voice thick with sleep and half-dampened by the pillow. “Hey Y/N, it’s Aaron and Eric!”, your friend exclaimed from behind the door. Immediately you didn’t realize that he had returned from one of his expeditions, dazed as you were from sleep. “Come in.”, you said in a louder voice, snorting and closing your eyes again, “It’s open.” You felt the door open and Aaron said something, with a strange euphoria in his voice. There was something odd about the way he was moving down the corridor, but you didn’t have enough strength to open your eyes to check. Stretching your ear and paying more attention to the frequency and noise of their steps, with some difficulty, you understood:

They both carried a backpack and weapons, ready to leave the safe area of Alexandria. When you saw them, you frown. »Did I forget that we wanted to go out?«, you asked. Aaron answered you. »No, you didn’t forget anything, come with me.«

»Where to?«, you asked in surprise as you slipped into your boots. »Deanna has decided to recruit other survivors.«, Eric explained. »Other people?« The two nodded at the same time. »Yes, your arrival was one of the best things that happened in Alexandria, we want more people like you to join our community.« You wrinkled your nose annoyed. »You know how I think about it.«

»Yes, we know.«, Aaron answered. »But I’m convinced that in the end not everything is lost.« You sighed and realized it was useless to argue again. »I hope you’re right, I really hope so…«, you said, hugging both. »How long will you stay outside?«, you asked. »Not more than a month.«, Eric replied. »Even less, if the mission should go well.« The car they drove with was already full of supplies. They were ready to go. »Take care of yourself, please…«, you told them. »We will.«, Eric reassured you. »If something goes wrong, one of us will come back to tell you.« Then he turned to the companion sitting next to him and laid a hand on his knee. You admired this couple: They knew exactly what risks they are taking and yet they don’t lose heart. They stubbornly searched for the good in each one of us. They both looked at you one last time, then, when the gate was open, they started searching for one of the people still scattered all over the world fighting for survival… After completing the usual morning circuit around the walls of Alexandria, you returned home to remove the blood from a few Walkers you had shot on the east side, and then ran to the warehouse for groceries. Olivia beamed as usual, and you thanked her for giving you a quarter of a bar of chocolate. While you were on your way home, mentally checking your day’s obligations, you heard the unmistakable sound of the opened main gate. As a precaution, you decided to look what was going on and as you turned to the entrance, you remembered that Aaron and Eric had been traveling for over two weeks. Maybe it was them who returned from the recruiting round to open the gate, so you had one more reason to look. In the distance, in front of the open passage, you see a fairly large group of people entering; You remained calm about the fact that such a large group came to Alexandria, but accelerated your walk with the premonition that something would go wrong today. The glasses clinked in the basket and when you were close enough to see the faces of the newcomers, you did not see Aaron and Eric among them, but your heart felt like it would stop beating. The basket slipped from your hand and all the jars were broken on the ground, attracting the attention of the group members. How much did you miss this gesture… Overwhelmed by surprise and emotion, you started crying and ran towards them at the same time, your eyes flooded with tears that you could hardly see where you were going; Even so, you would always recognize the figure of Rick, and even he who finally recognized you ran at me in turn until you met him. He squeezed you tight and you let the tears run free. You screamed, not knowing what to say, while the others reached us. Michonne stroked your face and smiled as Carl, next to his father, held you both in his arms. Maggie and Glenn touched your arm, and then Carol came to kiss your forehead and whispered your name. Someone else repeated it, perhaps thinking that he would never hear you speak again in his life. »Please tell me that I don’t dream anymore…«, you pleaded between your sobs. You didn’t want to close your eyes and think that they wouldn’t be here when you opened them again. »It’s not a dream, Y/N.«, Michonne assured you with her warm and clear voice. Rick kissed your temples and tickled you with the beard that had grown beyond measure in recent months. »You don’t know how long we’ve been looking for you.«

»I also searched for you, I left traces and…« The shrill gate that was closing interrupted you and caught your attention. You turned to the entrance and for the second time your heart stopped. You let go of the man’s embrace, only to run towards the person who has just crossed Alexandria’s main gate. He dropped the crossbow to the ground and ran for you. »Daryl!«, you yelled. When you were in his arms, he grabbed you and picked you up, hugging you tightly and releasing a liberating scream. The next moment you both dropped to the floor and Daryl took your face in his hands and looked at you with a deeply moved expression. His fearless eyes, now completely without anger, have given way to feelings. He hid his tear-stained face in your throat as the sobs shook his chest. His hands clung to you, desperately seeking a contact that had never been so intense among you both. You returned the tight hug in the silence and smiled with your tear-streaked face. Today you found a part of yourself that you believed you lost forever… The others of your family have also reached you both and now you were involved in a big hug that you represented as the pulsing core.

Maggie herself, standing now next to you, was staring at you with wide eyes and lips spread in a trembling smile. It took you a second to finish in their arms, your legs moved by themselves. She kept sobbing, hugging you. And you all also laughed, because it was impossible to free one emotion at the expense of another, in that embrace that you had thought you could no longer give. You were free to externalize everything. Happiness, relief, fear, it was mixed together and thrown out together with the tears that drenched your cheeks. Your grief was added, when you realized that this was the first time you could cry in peace, without holding back the pain. Over Maggie’s shoulder, you caught Rick’s touched look: Rick, who had become one of your closest friends and ally, now looked at you with the same paternal look. You felt like crying even louder. As Rick spoke to Deanna about staying here or not, Aaron handed the most of you all paper napkins he had picked up in your kitchen. The others still tightened around you, impatient to greet you over and over again: It was so nice to see their faces again after having hoped so much, that the feeling almost bewildered you. You hugged them one by one, and for you it was like finally coming back to life. Their looks were happy and you wouldn’t forget them for the rest of your days, along with the feeling of authentic happiness that you felt. Rick hugged you last, his face after the conversation with the leader of Alexandria serious, but his eyes lit by a joy that, in those last minutes, you had learned to recognize. “Y/N, thank God…”, he greeted you again with his voice soaked in relief, leaving a kiss on your forehead just before he moved away from you to give you Judith. You sniffed, laughing, while more tears began to flow. “Hey, Judith…”, you murmured to the little girl, brushing the tip of her nose. Then you stopped: There’s something missing, or rather, someone. In the euphoria of the moment that had clouded your sight, and looking at their faces as if they were something that was part of an indistinct totality, you had not noticed that in that row of faces, Daryl was missing again.

“Where’s Daryl now?”, you asked, widening your eyes with concern. “I think Deanna is finishing her interview with him right now.”, Rick confirmed, and you resumed breathing. In fact, a few moments later, you heard the front door open slowly and creak, followed by the sound of uncertain steps. You thought you saw him, looking around suspiciously, and you couldn’t resist again a second longer. You could finally see him again, he was alive, he was fine and he was finally safe, with you and everyone else. You saw him immediately, accompanied by Deanna. And he saw you. It was as if it had come out perfectly from your memories, from your head, with the crossbow on his shoulder, the leather vest and his piercing blue eyes, always circumspect. It had never seemed so nice to you, as you felt your heart beating madly and tears threatening to come out again. You stared at each other, from one end of the street to the other, for what seemed to me an infinite and short time at the same time. He was there, you saw him, but this was not enough: You had to feel it again, you had to feel his body against yours and its proximity, to convince you that it was real and not just an imagination. You almost jumped in his arms, worn down by the impatience of finally feeling him close to your body like it felt when he went through the gates of Alexandria. His arms were perfectly tight and stuck right under mine, so that your feet suddenly stopped touching the ground, because he lifted you up and held you tight. You had never received such a hug from Daryl Dixon… Its fragrance flooded your nostrils: Tobacco, leather, wood, sweat, skin. It was just like you knew it. Your sobs didn’t surprise you at all, unlike the strange, fast, heartfelt breaths you felt coming from your shoulder, where Daryl’s face had sunk. Either he was crying, or he was trying not to cry. That side of Daryl that you had only glimpsed back when you were alone, talking about your dead friends from the prison, the fact that he was reacting that way for you, made your heart melt like snow in the sun. When he could no longer keep you suspended, he began to stagger and set you gently on the ground, but you held him back to you and, in the heat of the movement, ended up with his back against the wall, while Daryl still overwhelmed you, holding you even stronger against the wall. You buried your face in his chest, while his right arm surrounded your shoulder and the other held you against him pressing on his back. It was as if time had stopped, then returning to make sense. As if the other people who were witnessing the scene did not exist; You almost seemed to see the surprise on their faces since, at the prison, they all thought Daryl hated you. But this was a simple reaction after being separated for a long time. You couldn’t believe it: That month of agony, fear, loneliness and torture had been difficult, of course, but your hope had been repaid. You had your family again, there with you, and you had Daryl. Squeezed in his warm and desperate embrace, everything you had spent together took on a new meaning in your eyes, along with all the thoughts about him that had populated your mind when he was far away. You could no longer ignore the crazed heart in your chest, nor the joy that was shaking every single cell, or your eyes that yearned for his face which had become so damn attractive almost at any moment. You could no longer pretend not to understand why your thoughts had run so often to him while he wasn’t there. You would no longer be able to pretend that the desperate desire to protect him and keep him safe, and especially to have him close, was dictated by a fraternal affection or simple friendship. You knew you felt something for Daryl Dixon, now it no longer made sense to lie to yourself. If Daryl hadn’t held you so tightly, you probably would have fainted: Too many emotions for that day. Too much confusion at that moment, to ask questions and to find answers. You would have had plenty of time to think about it and understand, now that your heart was free of any other concern. Your family was there, with you, safe within the walls of the community: Alexandria.


	3. Chapter 3

To break up the embrace with Daryl was as if you were returning with your feet on the ground in two separate and different units. He was the first to walk away, sliding his hands from your shoulders and gently closing his fingers around your elbows. Although you felt a bit disoriented, you still wondered if he had broken the hug because he could not stand the physical contact anymore, or because the people around you were like spectators overwhelmed with emotion. Maybe he was worried about what they might think… He took a step back to give you the opportunity to breathe and get back your private space; Given what you had felt for him, it was now hard for you to face him without feeling embarrassed. You forced yourself to look up to understand his expression. It was very similar to what you saw when he burst into tears in the old cabin, except that a slight smile floated over his lips. His eyes were full of relief and something that couldn’t be described. Again, you smiled spontaneously, despite the tears and although you were still in focus. So you stayed silent to smile at him while he smiled at you as well.

“Daryl, she lives and is healthy, as I promised.”, Aaron said, smiling and handing him the crossbow he had discarded. Daryl turned to face him, cautiously backing away and taking his weapon. He didn’t say anything. It made you laugh inside because Daryl had been the only one who had obviously managed to force himself to keep the weapon he had walked through the gates with.

“How did you manage to convince them?”, you asked your friend, smiling grimly. You were so happy that you could not believe it. You looked around and enjoyed the sight of their faces again as you realized that the corridor had suddenly become crowded and tight.

“It took time.”, Rick replied instead of Aaron. “Maybe we wouldn’t have believed without the photo that you were really waiting for us here.” Maggie flanked you and embraced her hips with one arm. “When I saw you in this picture… I could not believe it.”, she whispered, kissing your temples. You put your head on her shoulder. “I knew Aaron would find you sooner or later, I never really lost hope…”, you said, feeling Daryl’s decipherable look on you. Deanna, who until then had looked at everything discreetly and with a big smile, approached you. “It was determination: You knew how hard I was fighting to keep your group here.”, the woman shouted, stroking your head tenderly. “I’ll never thank you enough for that, Deanna.”, Rick said. Deanna smiled, but changed the subject. “I imagine you have a lot to talk about, but let’s show you your new homes first, so you can refresh yourself and feel welcome.” The look of each of them said something else: Mistrust, of course, but they still seemed more laid back than in any other situation. Perhaps the fact that you spent a month and more in Alexandria and lived safely encouraged them to feel more secure. You hoped Rick could feel safe at least once, along with Carl, Judith, Michonne, and all of you. The strangers Rick told you about were now describing them a bit more closely. Father Gabriel, a priest who had welcomed them into a church in which they had been for a while; Abraham, Eugene, and Rosita, other survivors who met Glenn shortly after his escape from the prison, along with Tara, a girl from the Governor’s group. You felt the knot in your throat and realized that she had simply been a slave to the monster’s hands when she hugged you and apologized to you with a broken voice. Then it was up to you to hug Sasha when you heard about Bob’s death… Your family was assigned two large houses that were also in your street, just a few doors down. You wanted Maggie and Glenn to stay with you, but unfortunately your house was not big enough for the three of you. At that moment you realized that Deanna did not want to give you a house with an extra room to avoid further problems. The houses were beautiful and spacious, as you expected, and it was a pleasure to see their faces full of surprise, confusion, and distrust of the impressive spaces that lay before their eyes. The only one who didn’t even show the slightest trace of surprise was of course Daryl: He entered both houses, barely looked around and his eyebrows were distorted. He walked down the stairs in the company of his faithful crossbow and onto the porch of the house, which he shared with Rick, Michonne, Carol, Maggie, and Glenn, Carl, and Judith for the time being.

“He needs time.”, Carol explained smiling serially at Deanna and Aaron to break the awkward silence that had arisen when Daryl left. You had already given Aiden the opportunity to introduce yourself to your family. You finished the visit of the houses and left them alone to settle down, to refresh themselves and to get acquainted with the environment; The only one who gave up the desire to have a nice relaxing shower was Daryl. You found that he was still leaning against the wooden pillar of the porch, with the intention of cleaning the crossbow as you stepped out of the house. “They left you your crossbow.”, you said, standing next to him, staring silently. He looked up, a puzzled look on his face. “What?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Well, it’s strange, Spencer really doesn’t act like that about firearms.”

“Who’s Spencer?”, he asked rather disinterestedly and returned to his beloved crossbow.

“The asshole at the entrance of the gates.”, you explained with a ridiculous tone. As soon as he heard your insult, he raised his head, a malicious smile on his lips.

“Don’t remember ya like that, Y/N.”, he said, lifting a knee, leaning on his forearm, letting his hand dangle and looking amused. You felt embarrassed and you were afraid that you had exaggerated, but you couldn’t help but smile.

“Why don’t you take a shower or a bath? It would do you good!”, you teasingly replied. He grunted, released his pose, and picked up the crossbow. “No need.”

“No, really, when the others are busy, you can come.” It happened at the same time: You blanched and realized the mischievous implication that your suggestion would have, and Daryl looked at you with wide-eyed surprise. You spread your lips to stammer a justification, but of course he did not miss the chance to blush with embarrassment.

“Yer’ve become pretty teasin’.”, he agreed ironically. His mocking smile made you go back, you were undecided. You gave him the ruddy look you could handle, and with a heavy step quickly descended the stairs to lock yourself in your house and throw the key away.

“Go to hell, Dixon!”, you said as a goodbye as you noticed his grin piercing through your back. Better an asshole than dead, you repeated to yourself, trying to convince yourself while you were washing your hair and heading to the bathroom.

Dinner with your family was ready and thought that you shouldn’t have allowed your mouth to part with your brain and let your heart guide you, it was absurd, Daryl would never have dreamed of you as anything but a stupid, annoying woman… You should have been lucky if his eyes had not seen you as ‘another dead girl’ but as the one who had managed to escape those who held you captive and who managed to get here alive and alone. Daryl didn’t think himself worthy of being loved by anyone, nor did he realize how much the people in the group liked him: That was the impression you always had. The only thing he could not fault was his value as a archer, hunter and survivor, but otherwise he did not consider himself a great man… Other than the embarrassment of his jokes and all your mishaps about what you felt for him, you did not feel uncomfortable when you greeted him as soon as he arrived at their house, where Maggie and the others were already starting, to prepare everything for dinner. You had gone from the common dispensation to take what was missing and transported everything into a rather heavy basket. He got up from the same corner where he sat on the porch that afternoon, and you wondered if he had stayed there ever since.

“C'me here.”, he said disinterestedly and freed your arms from the heavy weight. You quickly opened the door to help him and followed him as he entered. There was a familiar coming and going between the kitchen and the huge dining room: Everyone was there. In your view, this scene was the perfect portrait of happiness and you were so lost in enjoying it that you barely noticed Maggie’s welcome embrace. As you both found each other, she seemed to have a constant need to hug or even touch you to make sure you were really with her.

“Hey!”, she called out to get your attention.

Carol was already digging in the basket while someone was already at the stove. It was not like a dinner you could have made in the former world, as the food you had was pretty rationed, but still it was perfect. As the conversations around you filled the room, you lost yourself in your thoughts a few times, completely unbelieving that you were really with them, because it was all too good to be true. When you came back to reality, you met Daryl’s eyes and he stared at you incomprehensibly.

“Y/N, you still have to tell us what happened after you parted with Daryl!”, Carl intervened, ending the conversation at the table.

“I haven’t separated from him on purpose.”, you said, looking at him. For a moment you wondered if he really thought you left him behind.

“The herd separated us, it was probably a trap… Then I was kidnapped… I don’t want to remember what happened, but luckily I managed to escape, the place was a damn hell, me I think I would have preferred to stay with Daryl a thousand times more.”, you explained, not thinking about what you could have done with those words.

“This damn place ’s full of naive assholes who don’t know how the world ’s goin’.”, Daryl corrected. You turned your face to him with your eyes wide with surprise. “How… How do you know that?”, you asked.

“Some of us had been looking for you, but we didn’t find you together, we finally arrived here because Daryl had managed to find your hints.”, Rick explained. You shuddered as you realized the immense risk that they had come in just to find you. You were scared, completely speechless.

“What happened?”, you asked in a trembling voice.

“We arrived at Terminus and asked for you.”

You analyzed the sentence and immediately realized that it was definitely not the place you were being held captive to talk about. You took a deep breath, which didn’t go unnoticed.

“What’s wrong with ya?”, Daryl asked harshly.

“When I escaped, the camp was under the control of a bastard, his name was Joe, he was the worst person I’ve ever met.”, you explained, without hiding the fear in your voice.

“I honestly doubt that Joe would have been more of a threat than anything we’ve experienced in Terminus!”, Glenn said jokingly.

“Why?”, you asked, and what they told you was something on the verge of horror, humanity and reason. They had more or less followed the rails at the edge of the forest. You could not even remember if Daryl and you had ever been near the rails… And at the end of them, that was the message, there should have been this community called Terminus. Terminus was nothing more than a refuge for cannibals who exploited the desperation of the survivors to trap them and feed them, like spiders with flies. They told you that Carol had saved them all and you turned to her and gave her a look of gratitude: She was a wonderful woman, strong and the person you wanted to be. Just like Michonne. After destroying this corner of hell, they settled in the church of Father Gabriel, where the surviving cannibals found them and threatened their safety again. They also told you that Abraham was determined to go to Washington because Eugene said he knew the cure for the epidemic, even though it was not true.

The man emptied the whole bottle of beer that had remained on the table during this story, then got up and went out, grunted and pulled out a pack of cigars to smoke outside. You felt yourself breathing deeply and removing the grudge you felt at that moment. They briefly explained all the efforts and demonstrations that had cost Aaron and Eric to convince them that you were really in Alexandria waiting for them. Thanks to Daryl, the two finally succeeded. And so you offered him a smile that made a perplexed expression on his face. Your heart was filled with joy as you realized that he hadn’t forgotten what you had been through and that he hadn’t remained indifferent to your signals. The dinner ended when Judith started to cry from exhaustion. As Rick finished the child for the night in the living room, you started to clear the table with the others. Michonne was a little unsure, as if in the living room together there was a demonstration of lack of trust in you: You smiled and offered help to roll out the sleeping bags and asked if you could stay with them. You stayed awake for an hour and a half, but the others were really tired, so they took turns sleeping as you ran to your house to get the shorts and shirt you used as pajamas. When you returned, Daryl was the only one who had not fallen asleep: He stood by the window next to Judith’s bed and watched the darkness outside, as if the people around him did not exist. You went to them, laid a gentle hand on the edge of the bed, and leaned forward to look at the small, blissfully sleeping child.

“Don’t you want to go to bed like the others, Daryl?”, you asked with a slight smile.

“Take care of yer own business.”, he replied flatly, resting his elbow on his knee and nibbling on the thumbnail of his right hand.

“Are you going to sleep here?”, you asked, finally looking at him.

“I don’t want to feel uncomfortable…”, you added, trying to be polite.

“Do I’ve to bring ya’ to bed 'nd feed ya’?”, he replied annoyed. You knew he intended to embarrass you. “No, my sleeping bag is too small for both of us and you still have to take a shower.”, you countered without looking at him, quickly arranging Judith’s blanket and straightening up. He looked at you with an unreadable expression and stared into your eyes. “Good night, Daryl.”, you said, turning your back to him, and all the emotions of the day coupled with the tiredness made you fall asleep for a short while, and a few hours later, you opened your eyes in the darkness of the living room. The silence that formed the backdrop for your family’s slow and regular breathing told you they were all asleep, rubbing your eyes, which you had just laboriously opened, trying not to move too much to wake someone up. Your eyes searched warily for the only source of light that made the window to your right, careful not to wake anyone, you slowly got up and walked over to Carol and Michonne to get your sweatshirt and boots, as you couldn’t see Daryl anywhere. You jumped into the kitchen to drink a glass of water, groping in the dark and then letting the light emit from the open fridge, there was no need to think about where Daryl could have gone because from where you were positioned you could suddenly see him from the window, sitting on the ground in the corner of the porch that could now be considered his own. His face was barely illuminated by the bright orange glow of his cigarette. You reached the front door, but before you went you put on your jacket too. Surely it was freezing cold out there… You opened the door slowly and closed it just as slowly behind you. You waited for some annoyed comment or a hint of anger, instead he raised his face to yours to look at you. Although it was dark, his eyes had the same effect and you felt your face flush. He inhaled and released the smoke, took the cigarette out of his mouth to speak, and held it between forefinger and thumb.

“I told you I was feeling unwell.”, you said with a smile, walking up to him and sitting next to him.

“That’s nothin’ to do with.”, he replied neutrally. “Ya’ ain’t tired anymore.”

You watched him closely, trying to understand what was behind his own insomnia.

“No one is going to hurt you in here.”, you tried to calm him down as he put out his cigarette on the floor and threw it across the porch.

“I assume yer proverbial caution made ya’ trust those people right 'way, didn’t ya’?”, he asked sarcastically without looking at you.

“On the contrary.”, you said. “It took a relatively long time for me to sleep in my bed and before I stopped locking myself up in my house.”, you continued, bringing you closer to him and your elbow touched his arm. He began to stare at you as if he were studying what you had just told him: Not even on your last evening together, sitting in the hut, were you physically so tense; His eyes were so intense and dangerously close, so you broke off the line of sight, embarrassingly coughing. He also looked away.

“Ain’t ya’ the one who believed that there were still good people?”, he asked rhetorically, almost as if he were on the same wavelength as if his thoughts had made him remember what you once said.

“Being careful does not mean you don’t trust others.”, you explained. “I was alone, Daryl, and bad things happened to me…”, you whispered sadly, keeping your knees tight against your chest.

“Aaron found ya’.”, he reminded you.

“When it was already too late, and we were also in pairs before we arrived in Alexandria.”

“Even when we escaped from prison, we’re only two.”, he said annoyed.

“It’s not the same.”

“Why?”, he exclaimed impatiently, with a hint of desperation in his voice. You were silent for a few moments before you spoke. “He’s not like you. Although he saved me.”

Daryl didn’t even have the courage to look you in the face for what he had thought was a sentimental nonsense. “Bullshit!”, he snapped. Your fingers tingled and you turned toward him. “At least I answer the questions, unlike you!”, you shouted, trying to keep a low tone.

“What do ya’ mean?”, he asked on the defensive.

“I mean, you didn’t even have the guts to answer me correctly when we were both on the way!”

He stiffened suddenly, moved back a bit and looked at you, his eyes narrowed to cold slits. You just looked at him with an eloquent look.

“Ya’ talk too much.”, he complained instead, leaning his back against the palisade of the porch. You said nothing and remained motionless for a few moments; When you surprised him, you got up and wanted to get away from him and go home. But he leaned over and grabbed your wrist and held you back. You looked down at him without the slightest expression on your face. Inside, however, you felt burned and your heart beat wildly. You sighed, tried to hold back your smile and turned slightly and searched out of the corner of your eye for his look. It was as always intense and not decipherable. With a slight movement of your arm, you freed yourself from his grip, immediately caught your fingers with his, to urge him to get up.

“Come, I’ll show you Alexandria.”, you said in a slight tone, but accepted no answer. Daryl remained silent for a moment, watching you intertwine with his fingers, but then released his grip with a snort and stood up. When he was ready to take the crossbow, you stopped him.

“You don’t need it, Daryl, try to trust yourself.”, you whispered, smiling. With uncertainty, he took a moment and opened the door to drop it to the nearby wall. You both started walking slowly through the streets of Alexandria on this cold but quiet night, as if it were a small tour. He was listening to your stories all the time, almost never speaking, only with a few statements to make it clear that he was following you. When we arrived near the pantry, you got an idea.

“And in that deposit is the pantry, the main food source in all of Alexandria, we should take a look, don’t you think?”, you asked with a sly smile that Daryl couldn’t interpret. There was mutual trust in Alexandria, so places like the pantry were never closed and for the same reason you entered the structure without any problems. The streetlights behind the building let in enough light so you didn’t need to turn on the lights.

“As you’ve noticed, each family in Alexandria is allocated a certain amount of food and the rations are evenly divided for each food category.”, you said as you wandered around the shelves to find what you were looking for.

“So what?”, he answered laconically.

You turned to face him and watched as you leaned against the pillar of the archway that separated that part of the pantry from the rest. “Some foods are rarer than others because they are not essential to survival.”, you said, opening the freezer and were pleased when you saw the chocolate, lying in aluminum foil on the bottom of the freezer. You grabbed a one, broke it in half, and put the other one back in its place. Daryl’s lips twisted into a thin, barely recognizable smile, but he seemed amused. You could see it, despite the darkness.

“So one of yer pursuits is to plunder the chocolate supply?”, he asked, grabbing a piece and chewing loudly.

“Well, there is not much to do here.”, you defended yourself, leaned against the freezer and ate your piece. As you started to talk, your eyes darted to the shelf next to Daryl, and you were attracted by something that caught your eye: Your lips unfurled into an amused smile, and you moved to the shelf and held out a hand.

“Here they have something for you.”, you said, picking up a bottle of beer and turning it over in your hands. You let yourself laugh, continued to offer him the bottle, and looked into his eyes without stopping to smile. Instead, he remained serious. He looked down at what you held in your hand and took it slowly. And then, as happened so many times in those few hours, he fixed his eyes with yours, very seriously, without saying anything, and without you being able to foresee, he came to you. You stopped, unable to take your eyes off his, as if you were completely hypnotized, and this face, bathed in shadows, had the power to paralyze you. It was as if it was easier for him to move and act in the dark, his pace as sure as his gaze. Even you, in spite of his intimidated eyes, felt more comfortable: In this small pantry the air was charged with electricity and you did not know if it was your feelings for him. He stopped when your toe tips almost touched, his body was very close and his warmth mingled with yours. And that look… Everything was so intimate, hidden but discreet. Daryl didn’t stop staring at you, testing your nerves, and despite your suddenly dry throat, managed to whisper: “What’s going on?”

He raised his arm and hugged your shoulders as the hand holding the bottle leaned against the freezer behind you and supported himself as he leaned over to hug you awkwardly.

“For you.”, he whispered in such a deep voice that you thought you had imagined it. This sentence meant everything and nothing and it was difficult to interpret at first. Despite his body against yours, it was a source of distraction. What could have been the opposite if you had found in every gesture, word or behavior a clue to the last days you both had spent together before you were separated? That was simply the clear and concise answer to the question you had always asked him: “Why have you changed your mind?”

For you. You made me change my mind.

Even if you had understood from the beginning what the answer was, it was unbelievable to hear it, even more, when you thought it was Daryl who had forced himself to do so.

The proud, distant and grumpy Daryl Dixon…

The only thing you could do was sink your face into his chest and tighten your arms around his waist, pressing him against me while your heart, body and mind were animated by feelings so strong and so on were brilliant. And you felt the electricity that came from every single pore. You took a deep breath, disbelieving that this really happened, and recognized your feelings for him even more. You were definitely too happy to ask any questions.

“I missed you so much, Daryl Dixon…”, you whispered, hiding your smile in his shirt. His grip on your shoulders increased, then it eased off as he snorted, simulated a laugh, and moved away from you.

“Yer in danger again this time?”, he asked ironically, stepping back, discouraging his embarrassment and smiling alternately.

“Of course not.”, you answered shyly.

Soon after, you agreed that it was time to go home, so you both left the pantry and looked around as soon as you were outside. The sky began to clear gradually, surely the dawn was already near; You walked silently side by side to the house. When he saw that you did not follow him up the stairs, he turned and looked at you questioningly. You put your hands in the pockets of your jacket, bending your head to one side.

“I think I’ll sleep at home, the floor is a bit uncomfortable, and I don’t want to fall over Carol and Michonne.”

Suddenly the sleep became noticeable, which strained your eyelids and your shoulders. Nevertheless, you had never felt so awake.

„Okay. I’ll tell the others that ya’ went to yer house.“, he said neutrally in his usual tone.” Good night.“, he added and turned around.

"Hey, Daryl.”, you called before he was entering the house. He turned to you and waited with his hand on the door handle. “Why don’t you come to see me tomorrow? I have a bathtub.”, you suggested, hoping he would say yes. He frowned, not at all tempted by the suggestion. “Forget it!”, he said louder, emphasizing it with a gesture of his arm. But you smiled, regardless of his reaction.

“Well, you can’t get around that.”, you said and went home. You ignored his many protests as you were further away, turned around and added sarcastically, “See you later, asshole!”

“Yer jus’ causin’ trouble!”, he snapped loudly before vanishing into the house with a laugh…


	4. Chapter 4

You had your shift back in Alexandria, which would keep you busy all day. So you went home the next morning to greet Maggie before you went to the posts to see Daryl and the rest of myoury family. You found him on the porch when he was about to smoke a cigarette. His elbows rested on the balustrade. You noticed that he did not have his crossbow with him and that made you smile a little bit. “Good morning, Daryl.”, you said, passing him as you approached the front door. “Y/N…”, he answered, waved briefly and turned to you. At first you thought he had somehow regretted what had happened a few hours ago, even if you hadn’t done anything wrong. You searched for his eyes, which seemed to you like two mirrors of clear and blue silence. Then you knocked on the door. Carol opened the door for you and held a steaming mug in her hand, filled with freshly coffee. “Good morning Y/N!”, she said with a smile. “You arrived just in time for breakfast.” Before you could answer, you noticed immediately that she had changed the clothes with which she had arrived here. You were not used to seeing her that way, wrapped in a colored pullover and wearing a pretty, feminine shirt. “Wow, Carol, what a change! So beautiful!”

“Thank you, it’s to keep the normality.”, she said, winking at you. “Ya’ look ridiculous.”, Daryl interjected. Carol leaned in just enough to stare at him and say: “You should not say anything until you finally take a shower!” You burst out laughing. “Then let’s hope it happens soon.”, you replied, leaning back, following her into the house, letting Daryl rant behind the closed door. You found most of your group around the kitchen island and had breakfast with them and for a second you felt like forgetting what was still happening outside the walls. It seemed like a normal morning in a normal world… Instinctively smiling, Rick hugged you and wished you a good morning. “Hey, Y/N, are you done with your job already?”, Glenn asked suddenly. “No, my shift starts soon, but I wanted to come by first.”, you said, giving him an apologetic smile. “I just wanted to ask because most of us want to meet with Deanna today.”

“Me and Rick excluded.”, Michonne intervened. “Let’s think about it again.”, Rick interjected. You smiled at both and looked first at her and then at Rick, who gave Judith the bottle. “If Deanna assigns you a job, it’s the right job, believe me.” Rick and Michonne smiled at you without answering. “I’ll go then.”, you said, kissing Maggie on the cheek. Daryl had still turned his back on you as you left the house. So you put your elbows on the parapet to imitate his position. “Hey, are you alright?”, you asked, turning to face him. “You look serious, well, more serious than usual.”, you finally corrected. He looked at you out of the corner of his eye before saying an: “Okay.”, mumbled as confirmation. Laconic as always. “If you’re worried about the bathtub, I can reassure you, I’m on my shift right now, and I’ll probably have to stay there all day, because Spencer does not have time.”, you said with a smile. He raised his eyes to the sky and sighed in relief. He then mimed a: “Thank you.” with his lips. “Hey!”, you called and nudged him in the ribs. In response, he turned to you, grinned weakly and looked you in the eye. Suddenly he became serious again and glanced over his back to make sure no one was watching you or listening. “Need to talk to ya’.”, he said quietly before your paranoia took over, your heart speeding up in no time. “Then go with me to the gates.”, you replied worriedly. You both walked side by side through the streets of Alexandria, and although you had moved away from the others in your house, the archer decided not to open his mouth. “You can talk now.”, you reminded him visibly worried. He put his hands in his pockets and looked at his shoes as he walked on. “This mornin’ I was with Rick ‘nd Carol outside the walls.”

“Why?”, you asked perplexed. He hesitated a few moments, but then spoke seriously. “We’re… They left to retrieve the weapons we had hidden 'fore we arrived here.” You turned to him in shock. “What? Which weapons?” He did not answer, nor nodded, but it was not necessary. “I don’t understand…”, you mumbled disappointed. “They will not hurt you, don’t I have enough proof?” He shook his head. “Ain’t the point, Y/N.”

“What is it then?”

“Rick 'nd Carol believe that these people, who’ve always lived here, don’ know what to do to stay safe, 'gainst the livin’ 'nd the dead, to survive…”, he said calmly for the first time. “They think they’ll get ’s in trouble…”

“Do you agree with them?”, you asked grimly. He waited a few seconds before giving you a clear: “Yes.”. He added immediately after each protest attempt: “But I don’ agree to keep the weapons a secret.” You looked at him in astonishment, trying to ignore the intense heat rising from the center of your chest. “You… Don’t you have the crossbow?”

“Only have the crossbow.” You tried to stop your legs, which threw you to Daryl. You tried to keep your arms at your sides, but instead they widened and wrapped around his neck and you hugged him. You really tried, but you could not. You failed miserably, because the more time passed, the more you realized what a wonderful person Daryl Dixon was. You did not know how to express your gratitude. You could picture his forbidden expression as he wondered which sentence he owed this impulse of affection. The truth is that you did not even know why, but you were proud of him because you did not accept the weapons that were hidden there. At least if they were kept secret. Daryl started to trust you more and more, he really started to believe that there were still good people. And you believed it now too. “Thanks.”, you said, hugging him and balancing on your toes. “For what?”, he asked perplexed. “For your trust.”, you answered, your lips twisting into a smile. Daryl snorted then and looked away from you in obvious discomfort. “Stop that sentimental shit.”, he snapped, but his voice remained calm. “And you stop playing that grumpy asshole that does not care about the people around you.” “Don’t really care.”, he said and you looked up at the sky. “Sure, Daryl, that’s why you came to tell me, didn’t you, because you don’t give a shit.”, you answered and he shrugged. You were silent for a few seconds and noticed that you had arrived at the gates. “Do you think I should talk to Rick and Carol?”, you asked him and he thought about it for a few moments. “No.”, he finally said and turned around. “Not yet.” You were relieved: You thought it exaggerated to keep weapons secret, but what could you say? It was sometimes due to the willingness of two strong and determined people like Carol and Rick that you could survive until then. Thanks to their methods, which are not always orthodox and their mistrust. They knew how to fight the world outside. But if it came to the fact that some people from Alexandria would try to harm another member, although you could believe it very hard, you would certainly have tolerated it just as little.

“I think so too, maybe they just need to calm down… I was just the same in the beginning.”

Daryl did not answer, but you understood from his gaze that he did not substantiate this hypothesis. You tried to ignore it and avoided further problems.

“Anyway, thank you for telling me.”, you added silence after a few seconds and smiled at him. The archer shrugged, mumbled something incomprehensible, and looked away. You would have stayed with him all morning if you could, but unfortunately your duty called you.

“I’ll go then.”, you informed him, raising your arm and pointing your thumb at the gate behind you.

“Fine.”, he answered mockingly.

“Do you really have to go to Deanna again? For work, you know.”

You approached the gate and he followed you snorting. “No.”, he informed you, emphasizing the word in a contemptuous tone. You burst out laughing at the way his voice sounded and how the word came out of his mouth. You were waiting for protests or cursing of all kinds, but that did not happen: Daryl reluctantly raised his lips, looked you in the eye and smiled with spontaneity. You looked up at him, returned the smile, and let the heat spreading from your chest warm you. It was a barely recognizable smile, discreet but sincere. And of which you could not grasp the meaning. Without you being able to stop him, your eyes left his and they slid to his lips, still smiling. For a second, your mind had the instinct to touch his smile with yours. You looked away as soon as you realized how you looked at him, red with embarrassment and your heart racing.

“Stay with yer eyes at work, ya’ parasite.” Daryl’s tone sounded amused, but in his voice, almost hoarse, you noticed a slight reproach: Had he really noticed? Did he catch your eyes, not at all discreetly? You felt the discomfort spread to your stomach.

“I’m leaving.”, you murmured, watching the gate in a sudden gesture. You took a deep breath and looked back at him, trying to smile at him to hide your awe. “See you then, Daryl.”

He nodded and smiled rather enigmatically. “Y/N.”, he replied, as if he were greeting you: You closed the gate behind you, your lips still smiling and your heart beating faster and faster.

There was a different atmosphere as your family appeared at the gates of Alexandria and you were convinced that it was not just your impression. Of course it was more than normal for you, you were emotionally involved in the arrival of your loved ones, but it seemed to you that this novelty has affected the daily lives of those who lived here before you. This impression was reinforced when Deanna decided that they would have a party to celebrate Rick’s entry and the others in the community. Deanna had told you all when you were all together at dinner, a few days after your family arrived. It seemed like a wonderful idea to you, but the guests of honor at the party seemed to generally see the faces around you sitting in the limelight, so perhaps it seemed out of place to organize a party which was used so that you had survival as the only purpose in life. The only 'positive’ reactions came from Michonne, who was named police officer of Alexandria along with Rick. Obviously, Carol also pretended to be enthusiastic about the idea, so as not to send her mantle of a mild and conciliatory housewife into the void.

“They are very interested in welcoming you.”, Deanna said.

“Ain’t goin’ to the party.”, Daryl shrugged and threw himself back on the food on his plate he had. You looked up at the sky in despair and kicked it against his leg but it did not work. He ignored you shamelessly and continued to torment himself with his usual grace.

“You are not obliged.”, Deanna explained and smiled at him. “But it would be good to switch off, in the company of friends and the beer we could find.”

“I’ll be there.”, Abraham said, and you stifled a laugh emulated by Carl. With a little effort, Rick managed a slight smile and gave Deanna permission to organize a party. After talking with Daryl, you were not sure Rick had no plan, but you were glad he tried. Deanna left you smiling and apologized for interrupting. From that moment on, a few days passed more or less in the same routine, in a rhythmic and calming period of time. Deanna had assigned tasks to your entire family, jobs that seemed quite appropriate, to be honest. Maggie had joined Deanna to help her manage and organize the safe area; Glenn, Abraham, and most of the group had been assigned to the other groups who were leaving the walls to gather supplies and all that was useful to protect the community; Carol would stay inside the walls to cook and help those who are not self-sufficient like the elderly. The only person for whom nothing seemed appropriate was Daryl.

“I’m sorry that Deanna hasn’t found anything for you yet…”, you said sincerely as he smoked a cigarette on the porch. You had just had dinner with everyone else since it had become a habit since they arrived. He shrugged indifferently, and you were trying to figure out if it was just a façade or if he didn’t really care about it. “Guess the infallible Deanna has lot of shit this time 'round.”, he laughed, but you saw how annoyed he was. “Sooner or later, something will also assign to you.”

“Ain’t true that I don’t do anythin’: Cleared the area of several Walkers.”

“I could have helped you, you know that… Tomorrow night is the party, just so incidentally noted.”

“Then I hope a bunch of Walkers will attack me.”

“Stop!”, you called and looked up at the sky, not at all amused. You knew he was making a joke, so the next morning when he left, you went to the gates with some peace… He responded to your recommendations with a nod, turned his heels, and crossed the walls of Alexandria. You looked at him until the gate was closed by Spencer and Daryl disappeared. When you returned, you came across Aaron. “Hello Y/N!”, he greeted you out of breath. He seemed to be in a hurry. “Hey, Aaron, do you want to recruit someone?”, you asked doubtfully. “It’s my day off.”, he answered with a smile. “I have to talk to Daryl.” “He left a while ago, if you hurry, you should be able to reach him.”, you replied, quite surprised by his answer. “Thanks!”, he called and resumed his running. You always saw him go away and was at a loss: Maybe you had not been careful enough, but it seemed to you that the two of them had not even talked at the time. You tried to curb your curiosity and went home. With all the things you had to do, it would have been easy not to think about it and wait for the two to return with an explanation.

Commitment to the party ended up committing you all afternoon: You took care of the dishes served during the evening, with the help of Maggie and Carol and other volunteers from Alexandria. When all was done, you left Deanna’s house to return to yours and get ready. You tried to make a little detour to go to Eric and make sure Aaron and Daryl were back, but you said inwardly that there was actually no need: They were fine, they were back. You relaxed under the stream of hot water and let the tiredness of the day slip away in the bathtub, then calmly prepared. You thought long and hard about what you could wear: Although you tried to avoid this kind of thought so as not to be ridiculous. You wanted it to be desirable and you couldn’t help it. You wanted people to see you as a beautiful and confident woman, at least for the evening, and not like the girl who initially abused the people of Alexandria with unkind remarks. You shook your head, snorted, and let go of the thought. When you opened the closet, it occurred to you again that in the end, you did not have such a large selection of elegant clothes. You concentrated on a simple black dress, combined with boots. Later, you left the house with a smile, the same that Aaron gave you when he opened the door after he heard you knocking. He forced you to sit in the kitchen, where Eric had just finished the dinner; You offered to not miss the courtesies to ask them what they were talking about, he and Daryl, while they were in the woods. “Don’t even think about it, Y/N.”, Aaron scolded. “You’re our guest, relax until dinner is ready, and preparing for the party must have been tedious.”

“Not really.”, you replied, shrugging and leaning against the kitchen island. “On the contrary, it was nice to get involved in something that does not concern survival.”

“How’s your friends? It’s still new to them…”, Eric commented with understanding in his voice. You smiled at him. “Well, all in all? I just think it takes time, some more than others.”, you replied, changing the subject. “So, how did it go out there, did you find Daryl?”

“I risked an arrow in my head, but yes, I found him in the end.”, he replied laughing and leaned with his arms crossed on the countertop. “He can’t stand it, Daryl is like a dog, he follows people from afar, not the other way around.”

“You know him well, right?”, Eric commented. You noticed a slight mischievous note behind the seemingly neutral tone and ignored it. “So, Aaron, what did you talk about?”, you asked, surrendering to your own curiosity. “I just wanted to understand why it’s so difficult for Deanna to find the job that could be assigned to him and to understand what kind of person he is.”, he said softly. You smiled and tried to picture a friendly Aaron and a gruff and unfriendly Daryl, who was going his own way, but was forced to endure the recruiters unwanted company. “And did you do it?” He smiled triumphantly at you. “Yes, I did it.”

“Did you find a suitable job for him? ” The happy expression of Aaron was suddenly gone: The present expression, which had replaced it, was not worried, rather undecided. He glanced at Eric, who immediately turned to continue mixing the sauce he was making. “I… Yeah, I’ll talk to him tonight.”, he answered hesitantly.

“That’s great!”, you commented genuinely. Maybe Daryl would really start to feel comfortable in this place. “What is it?”, you asked curiously and Aaron waited a moment before deciding to speak. “I thought I would ask him if he would like to take Eric’s place and recruit with me.” You opened your eyes, not exactly sure what to say: His answer had amazed you, and you did not know how Aaron interpreted your reaction. He looked at you worriedly. “Y/N, listen, I know it’s selfish of me to ask him such a thing and you’ll probably hate me for that…”, he started from heart and spoke quickly, as if to justify himself. “Wait.”, you interrupted him perplexed. “Why should I hate you?”

“To know the most important person for sure, I endanger the most important person for you.” You pressed your lips together, looking down and trying not to let the wave of embarrassment overwhelm you. Aaron had compared Eric, a couple in love, with you and Daryl. You had to say something, anything… “No… Aaron, you’re wrong, Daryl and I are not…”, you stammered, continuing to confirm the idea he had of your feelings for the archer.

“No.”, you finished your speech. You took a deep breath and ignored the understanding that your friends were exchanging. “I don’t consider you selfish, nor will I hate you if you ask Daryl to become a recruiter.”, you smiled, still red with embarrassment. He studied you carefully, wondering if he believed it or not. “This man, Y/N…”, he started, raising one arm and pointing with an undefined dot around him, “…is incredibly good at understanding the difference between good and bad people.”, he continued, steeped in admiration. “That’s why I want him to become the new recruiter of Alexandria, and I can’t imagine a better substitute for Eric.” You stared at him without saying a word. “So he thinks there are still good people, why did he change his mind?” Daryl had assumed that there were no good people left and that he was selected as a recruiter just because he could recognize them in this broken world made you proud of him and absolutely happy. Daryl had so much to give to this community and he would have done it by acting outside the walls.

“That’s great Aaron!”, you whispered honestly. “He’ll think, not say no, you’ve found the perfect way to stay here without feeling stifled within the walls.” He and Eric gave you a big smile. “Are you sure?”, Aaron asked, approaching you and placing his hands on your shoulders. You looked him in the eye excited. “In any case, I’m sure you’re a genius!”, you said, hugging him. You were well aware of what awaited you when Daryl became a recruiter: Days of constant anxiety and angst, wondering where he was, if he was all right, and safe; whole days, without seeing him, without talking to him, without being close to him. It would have been hard, but Daryl would be happy: It was a perfect job for him out there in the woods, in danger, rather than in a reality where he didn’t feel well.

“Speaking of the devil…”, Eric said amused, peering out the window. You followed his gaze and noticed that Daryl was passing in front of their house just then. Without realizing it, you stayed calm and stared at his figure, barely visible in the darkness. “Ask him if he wants to eat with us.”, Aaron suggested, still wrapped in your embrace and smiling softly. You nodded, smiling sheepishly, ignoring Eric’s giggles as you hurried to the front door. “Hey, Daryl!”, you called him as he left. He turned to you, stopped and looked at me in surprise. “What ya’ doin’ here?”, he asked puzzled. “Eric and Aaron invited me to dinner, then I’m going to the party.”, you explained, pointing to the open door behind you. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Ya’ know I ain’t goin’ to that bullshit.”, he reminded you brusquely as you came down the steps and ran towards him. “Eric cooked spaghetti, why don’t you eat with us?”, you asked with a smile, ignoring his hostile tone. Daryl looked at you first, then suspiciously at the door which was still open. “Only 'cause of the food.”

“Then come.”, you admonished him and took his hand in yours, to drag him with you into the house of your friends. To your great surprise, he did not resist. He must have been really hungry, you thought amused. You wanted him to stay at dinner, not just for the pleasure of having him near and safe, but because you could not wait for Aaron to make his suggestion. “Good evening, Daryl.”, Aaron greeted him as soon as you both entered the kitchen. He answered with a nod and an illegible look.

“We look forward to having you with us for dinner.”, Eric added as he turned off the stove with a huge pot of spaghetti and tomato sauce. Aaron approached him thoughtfully and forced him to sit down. Daryl and you sat side by side; Aaron put the pot down on the table and helped Eric distribute the spaghetti. You all began to eat in silence, a silence in which you felt slightly uncomfortable. The situation was relieved, however, as soon as it was clear with what enthusiasm Daryl had fallen on his portion with his usual elegance. You were used to Dixon’s unrefined way of sitting at the table. Aaron and Eric looked at each other out of the corner of your eye, after observing him and then looked at you also: Eric bit desperate in his cheeks, trying not to laugh while Aaron could no longer hold back his smile. To see how they risked making you laugh while Daryl ate blissful the spaghetti.“Thanks.”, he mumbled after a while, devouring the last fork of spaghetti.

“Nice that you liked them.”, Eric replied and smiled in amusement. Daryl sat up in his chair, leaning back against his back to settle in a more relaxed position, let go of a contented sigh and wiped his lips with his sleeve. Aaron and Eric watched you both with mischievous looks that you feared Daryl would notice. Their eyes spoke to you without uttering a sentence: “Like a couple.” And you looked at the two men eloquently.

“Okay, before you start walking out of here…” Aaron said, catching his attention. “Daryl, come with me to the garage for a moment.”

Daryl stared at him for a few seconds and said nothing. “Why?”, he asked suspiciously.

“Go with him.”, you urged him, annoyed by his suspicious behavior. Daryl rose from the chair, snorting, and followed Aaron reluctantly. Together, they disappeared behind the door that led to the garage. You waited for them to come back and helped Eric clear the table. You heard their voices muffled by the door separating you, but you could not understand what they were saying. Eric chuckled and noticed your intrusive curiosity. A short time later, they came back while Eric and you talked, sitting comfortably on the couch. The first thing you were looking for was Daryl’s gaze: You knew that the eyes you were looking at were full of hope.

“And?”, you let yourself impatiently slide away. Daryl looked at you questioningly. “What?”

“Did you accept?”, you asked, making Aaron laugh.

“Ya’ knew 'bout that?”, he snapped annoyed. Aaron’s voice masked Daryl’s grunts. “We’re leaving on Tuesday.”, he said with a smile. You stayed quiet for a few seconds and gave them an open smile. “I knew you would have said yes!”, you cheered, jumping up and approaching them. Daryl muttered something incomprehensible, smiled with a shrug, and looked away; You continued to stare at him, smiling excitedly. “I suggest a toast to the new recruiter from Alexandria!”, Eric said. The next moment he was already taking the beer out of the fridge, but Daryl’s grim froze froze him in place. “Don’t dare, it ain’t nothin’ to celebrate.”, Daryl snorted, and Eric threw up his arms in surrender. “Okay, okay, then no toast.”, he replied, moving as slowly as he would if Daryl had pointed the crossbow at him. Nevertheless, they invited you to drink a few beers without a toast, but you refused and said that soon Deanna would appear. Despite initial resistance, you managed to get out of the house with Daryl, who was annoyed to accompany you to the party. Your family welcomed you both warmly and immersed you in this relaxed and almost surreal atmosphere. All dressed well, all smiling more or less, with the vague vocals and music playing in the background of this warm and luminous reality. Despite everything that happened outside the walls. You carefully studied the faces of your loved ones and did not escape the mistrust that, despite everything, was still present in their field of vision. They were not really relaxed despite the smile and happy voices. But that was alright: You were there and you were together. As you watched them, you thought that things might finally work again at that time. One day, they would be able to trust the people who had taken you in. That your family and your community could become one and work together in perfect balance. The ability to survive and calm down in everyday life combines in an advantageous way. But your ingenuity soon collided with the harsh reality. It was a moment, so sudden, that you couldn’t grasp it completely: A disgusted look, a provocative person against Daryl, near you… And he became very angry. Shit… Spencer insulted him and repeated several insults. You squeezed in and blocked off more malice that came from the mouth of a resident of Alexandria and wanted to defend Daryl openly.

“Shit, damn it, keep your fucking opinion for yourself!”, you exclaimed angrily. All this happened, of course, in front of the eyes of those present. Deanna and Rick were about to intervene when Daryl turned away and slammed the door open. You looked around the room grimly, seeking help in shock, but then ran out of the house to follow Daryl. “Daryl, wait!”, you pleaded, followng him and slammed the door behind you to keep the others from listening. He was already moving away, showing no intention of listening to you. You hurried down the porch steps and joined him, putting a hand on his shoulder and tightening the grip to stop him. “Daryl, stop! We can clear everything!” But he grabbed your wrist and took your hand off his shoulder in a harsh gesture, then spun around with an angry expression on his face. “Forget it, I knew it was a damn shitty idea, I knew it, fuck it!”

“Most inhabitants here have no idea about the life out there!”, you replied. “You don’t have to listen to these people!”

“Don’t give a fuck 'bout what those assholes say!”, he snapped back, interrupting you. You looked at him perplexed. “So… Why did you leave then?”

He looked at you scornfully from bottom to top. “'Cause I can stand these people, but I can’t stand bein’ defended by others, 'specially a stubborn and stupid bitch like ya’!”

You felt your lips tremble, but no sound came out. His words had the power to hurt you and make you feel stupid for what you had done. Then you thought about it: Did he humiliate you just because you defended him?

“But what’s your problem? I wanted to help you!”, you brought out angrily, clenching your fists and leaning in his direction.

“Didn’t ask ya’!”, he retorted, stepping forward and towering above you, his face twisted with rage, red, and the muscles of his neck tense, not intimidating, on the contrary, when you saw how unnecessarily angry he was, he made you even more angry.

“And I did it anyway, because I want you to finally feel part of something normal!”

He gave a laugh of contempt. “Now Y/N wants to force people to submit! Ya’ just want to realize the fantasy of the happy lil’ family livin’ in a fucking lil’ house, as if the world outside the walls ain’t a fucking hell!”, he replied and sharpened his eyes. You opened your eyes wide. “Do you think I forgot, do you think it’s wrong to just want a bit of normality after all we’ve gone through?”, you yelled at him.

“It’s damn amazin’ to see how lil’ time it took ya’ to become one of those fucking assholes!”, he said harshly and loud again. You felt your eyes becoming glassier, disbelieving from what you heard. “Fuck, Daryl, are you serious?”

He pushed your hand aside with a harsh gesture. “Ya’ talk jus’ like these people here! Open your eyes, bitch 'nd finally see things the way they ’re!”, he attacked you. He had repeated all the situations you had told him and used them against you to make you feel worthless and useless again. At that time he had hurt you in a way he probably would never have understood. It had not been like the fight against the herd of Walkers in front of the hut when he was angry and he insulted you for fundamentally correct reasons; Daryl wrongly accused you and implied that you had changed for the worse. He saw you as an average resident of Alexandria: Unfit to survive out there, plagued with stupid and frivolous problems when confronted with the cruelty of the new world that you, Daryl and the others had measured until recently. As if you had forgotten all the people you lost. And as if he had forgotten everything that he had shared with you in the short time you were alone. As if you had not found the courage to run away with your strength, without waiting for everyone to escape and to survive… You gave him a look of disappointment: You did not even want to scream or explain your reasons, because he would not understand. So you nodded and showed him half a smile full of bitterness. “I see that despite everything that happened to both of us, your opinion about me still hasn’t changed.”

For just a second, you saw a new light in his eyes, as if the remorse had flashed in the cobalt-blue irises, but it was something so fleeting that you probably just imagined it. And Daryl remained silent: He gave you no reason. He just stood there and looked at you with his usual, undecipherable mask of anger. You felt the tears fill your eyes, so you bit your cheek, took a deep breath and clenched your fists.

“I’ll go back in…”, you said, turning and walking to the door. The tears ran down your face even before you could grasp the handle properly. Until that moment, you hoped he would stop you, call you, do anything. But no. He did nothing, absolutely nothing, and as you closed the door behind him, he went his own way…


	5. Chapter 5

You returned to the house in tears and closed the door with alarming attention and laziness, so as not to make a noise. Because of Daryl, you were ashamed of what you had done and gratefully went to the bathroom without being noticed. When you lowered the handle and tried to open the door, it was closed. You leaned your back against the wall, crossed your arms and tried to stop the tears of nervousness. You were tired of being attacked by Daryl Dixon for every damn shit. You were tired of being in love with this man. It had been a few days since you had really recognized your feelings for him and it was not a good sign that you already felt so bad. How could you have been so naive to have even fantasies that Daryl would one day realize that he felt the same for you? Yes, maybe you should have stopped being a constant victim of Daryl’s allegations. You weren’t worth enough for him… The click of the key in the lock distracted you from your musings and in a completely automatic gesture you tried to dry your cheeks and looked down as not to show your unfortunate condition. “Y/N!”, Michonne called as she left the bathroom. The embarrassment did not distract you any less, because it was she who talked to you after the little theater that you had arranged shortly before, but you continued to stare steadfastly at the ground. “Hey, Y/N…”, she tried again, placing one hand gently on your shoulder and using the other to make you raise your face to hers. “Michonne, I… I’m sorry…”, you said in a whisper. With difficulty your eyes met hers. She looked at you without answering and pulled her lips together in concern. “Come on.”, she said, pushing you into the bathroom and locking the door. She suggested refreshing your face and you accepted her advice: Cold water was a relief to your burning cheeks and aching eyes. Michonne handed you a towel and you sat with her on the edge of the tub. When you dried your face, you let out a sigh. “Is it better?”, she asked, smiling at you. You returned the smile and tried to appear as credible as possible. “Yeah, I’m feeling better, don’t worry.” She studied you and did not seem convinced at all. “What’s wrong with Daryl?”, she asked, sharpening her eyes. “I don’t know… But it’s not the first time he’s talked like that to me.”, you tried to calm her down and raised your eyes to the ceiling. As if the whole mess did not have the meaning that you actually attributed to the situation. “The fact that you have something that makes you scream, surprises me, as you barely talked to us in prison at the beginning…”, she said and made a face that should have been a smile. “Since then many things have changed, I have changed too…”

“I hope you haven’t changed too much…”, she whispered.

“What do you mean?”, you asked confused. Michonne did not answer right away and kept staring at you with concern.

“Listen, Y/N… I don’t want to play the role of the paranoid and overprotective good friend who wants to include you, but…-”, she sighed before continuing: “…-I can see how you’re looking at him.” Although you heart seemed to stop as she uttered this observation, you pretended not to understand who exactly she was referring to. “How do I look at who?”, you asked in the tone of a angel who has just fallen from heaven down to hell.

“Daryl Dixon.”, Michonne said dryly. You opened your eyes and went on with your own little and pathetic comedy. “I have no idea what you mean or what you are talking about.”, you said a little too loudly and without realizing it, you began to torture the fabric of the dress with your fingernails. But she only laughed at your bitter attempt. “Y/N, come on, I’ve seen you open up between us, inside the prison! I know you better than you think, just like Rick and Maggie and all of us, or do you want me not to see what you feel?”

“Michonne…”

“I can understand how you feel.”, she interrupted, putting a hand on your shoulder and looking directly into your eyes. “Do you believe all this because Daryl was the last person in our group to travel with you? I mean, you spent a lot of time together, you protected each other, it’s perfectly normal to have a connection between you. He is an extraordinary man, many of us wouldn’t be here without him, I admit, but… To be honest, and that is solely my own opinion, I believe that this man never had a relationship worth fighting for. And if he’d now, he’d break your heart terribly sooner or later anyway, Y/N.” Your heart started beating faster and faster in your chest after what she said. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”, you replied, looking down at the cold tiled floor. “Did you really think I felt bound to Daryl just because of that, because for a while I thought you were all dead?”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you’re in love with him.”

It seemed to me that Michonne wanted to reduce your feelings, as if you were too naive to understand certain things. “Anyway, I have not the slightest desire to even talk about it.”, you blurted out, crossing your arms over your chest and getting up. “He’s going to hurt you, Y/N, and he’s already doing it! Daryl will not see you the way you see him!”, Michonne added vehemently. “I know what I’m doing.”, you said flatly. “Not if he is the reason! You are one of the strongest people, but Daryl is and always will be an asshole, he has always been, even if he’s loyal and strong.”

“Stop it!”, you burst out in despair and whirled around. Michonne studied you for a few moments, pressed her lips together and looked at you with a cold look. “If you want I can talk to him.” You rolled your eyes, disbelieving at what she had just said. “What?” She waited a few moments before answering: “You heard me.” You stood and looked at her, spellbound and with your lips open; then, without breaking your anger, you released a laugh that should sound sarcastic. “And what would you say to Daryl? That I got a crush on him and he needs to stay away?” The disappointment and pain of discovering how she had behaved toward you had flowed out of you like poison. You had tried to forget that feeling, remove the grudge and focus on the fact that it was not important anymore, because in the end you were together. You only thought since the prison collapsed and escaping with Daryl was to find your whole family. She, who stared at you in shock, looked wide-eyed at you who would have felt less pain if you had had a slap in the face. It seemed that the words you had just spoken had robbed her of the ability to speak. Maybe because in the end you told the truth… Michonne looked down, did not speak to you, or looked at you; In this bathroom was now a depressing silence that you could not stand long. You approached the door, grabbed the handle and listened to the click in the lock. You were about to leave, but you stopped to say one last thing. “Just for the protocol…”, you said harshly and without looking back at her. “It’s mainly thanks to him that you can always claim to call me strong, admirable, or whatever, if Daryl hadn’t taken care of me to protect me and to look after me, I would now not be here anymore and couldn’t listen to you to stay away from him.” You did not add anything anymore: You left the bathroom, slamming the door behind you while your hands were shaking. You gave up on the plan to return to the heart of the party, to the rest of your family, but at least you managed to get four bottles of wine left in the box that had been placed under the stairs. So you sneaked into the kitchen and got you a bottle opener. Then you tried to sneak unnoticed through the back door, just to be alone somewhere. You looked at the moon reflecting on the water surface of the small lake and your dramas were the only company you now had while you were about to empty your first bottle. When it was finally empty, you leaned into the damp grass and opened the second, when suddenly a familiar voice spoke to you. “What are you doing here, Y/N?”, Aiden asked, coming up to you and sitting next to you. If only you had been clearer, his presence would probably have made you feel uncomfortable; Instead, you gave him a friendly smile. “I could ask you the same question.”, you said, taking another sip of wine. “I was looking for you to see how you are, I hope I did not do anything wrong.”, he said with a slight chuckle and pointed to the bottle in your hand. You watched him and smiled at him. Despite his inclination to show his interest in you by becoming too tender or persistent, Aiden wasn’t a bad man: In fact, it had finally been nice to spend time near him again. “Sure, you did not destroyed the party in a catastrophic way, as I did.”, you said, slipped away and directed your gaze to the dark surface of the pond. “It certainly wasn’t your fault.”, he consoled you and patted your cheek. “Actually…-”, he continued, but you did not let him finish. “If you say it was Daryl’s fault, you can go away and fuck the hell off.”, you murmured and suddenly turned to face him angrily. But Aiden looked at you and laughed. “Actually, I wanted to say that it was only my brother Spencer’s fault.”, he reassured you, making you feel like a complete idiot. “Shit…”, you mumbled embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry.”, he answered. You smiled at him and reached out the next bottle, which was still closed. “Peace?”, you offered. He grabbed the bottle and held his hand over yours for a moment. “Peace.” Silently you took more sips of wine and ignored your head, which began to spin and became considerably blurred. “Hey, are you alright?”, Aiden asked, shaking you out of your current apathy and you turned to him. “What? Yes…”, you answered in a low voice. “Are you still thinking about the party?”, he asked, taking a sip of the dark red liquid. “Yes…”, you just answered. This intoxication, though not overly strong, prevented you from lying. All your defenses were gone and you did not really think about the consequences of what you said. Maybe it was good that Aiden was with you and not Daryl, you thought in confusion. Who knows what a different mess it would have been otherwise. “Don’t think about it, Spencer really exaggerated this time.”

“It’s a shame that I have to apologize anyway.”, you murmured, rubbing your eyelids, which started to complain and everything began to slow down around me, as you both were taking the next bottle. “That’s not necessary.”, Aiden said and out of the corner of your eye, you noticed that he shrugged with his shoulders. “You don’t need to talk to him.”

“If it was really necessary for me, I wouldn’t talk to you anymore, but I have to be good at it.”, you mumbled, unfolding an amused smile. “Do you know what’s really funny? I should… I have to apologize to Daryl, too.” Aiden looked at you surprised by this statement: “Daryl? Why?”

“It’s kind of absurd, isn’t it? And yet I need to.”

“But why?”, he asked again quickly, but patiently and you shrugged. “I don’t know, he does not like being defended, at least not by me.”, you replied and if you had been clearer, you would have realized that you hadn’t expressed yourself or at least not quite clearly enough. In fact, Aiden continued to look at you perplexed. “Maybe he was so angry with my brother for letting it out on you?”, he speculated and put down the now empty bottle next to him. “I think I’m too tired to argue.”, you kinda shouted angrily and confusedly mixed your voice with several emotions. “It’s not my fault, it can’t be my fault, but this fucking asshole just leaves it to me!”, you added. “Hey, Y/N, please stay calm.”, Aiden said, wrapping his arms around you. “I’m sure he’s not really mad at you, I know you have nothing to do with it.” In a discomfort, you slid your head against his shoulder and complained, as if you had suddenly regressed your old age. “Dixon hates me. For sure.”

“What nonsense, it’s impossible to hate you, Y/N.”, he retorted.

“Not for him.”, you murmured, closing your eyes and enjoying the warmth of his embrace. And he pulled you a little closer to him. “I’m sure it’s not like that, and if it is, it means that Daryl Dixon is a fucking idiot.”, he said, trying to comfort you. You frowned and kept your eyes closed, for that comment bothered you, but you did not speak, just stayed with your head on his shoulder and let yourself go to a distorted snort that apparently interpreted Aiden as a sound of approval. He held on to you for a while, rocking slightly and brushing his lips over your forehead, almost as if he wanted you to fall asleep. And you really started to feel sleepy… You kept your eyes closed, letting your mind wander, blurred by the alcohol that presented itself to your conscience as confused and twisted memories. Many of them had Daryl as the protagonist or words he had addressed to you, or his gestures and situations in which you both were together.

The fight in front of the hut.

His vest.

His hand close to yours.

The hugs.

The days together that had changed everything, between you and with you.

“Why did you change your mind?” - “For you.”

Fragments of memories that followed each other in an unsteady fashion… You opened your eyes and hoped they would disappear with the knot in your throat. “I want to go home.”, you decided, straightening up and surprising Aiden with it. But it was not a brilliant idea, because when you were on your feet, you felt dizzy again. Aiden immediately came to your side to support you and laughed when he saw you under these conditions. “You’re beautiful, even when you’re drunk, do you know that?”, he whispered, but his voice sounded distant and distorted. His statement made you laugh and you thought about what you could have at that time and just an adjective and as an opposite of ‘pretty’ could describe you very well right now. “Then you have to be blind.”, you said, laughing nervously, this time as well, laughing without letting go, and at first it was the joy that seemed to enliven his face, but then something changed in his expression. He put his hand on your cheek and looked at you with an intensity that you did not miss despite the alcohol. “Y/N…”, he murmured and came closer. Your arms were heavy, lying gently on your hips and were not involved at all at the moment; You noticed that the touch of Aiden had no effect on you. Your heart did not beat fast, your breath was the same: You watched it, though indifferent, though a small part of you understood what would happen. As if you watch the scene as an external viewer and not as a protagonist… Slowly he leaned over and accompanied your face to his tender caress. And as his lips rested on yours, you paused to study what it felt like to be kissed after such a long time. You were so strangely apathetic and indifferent that you were unable to refuse, but still less to return that one-sided kiss. But when you realized that it had been his lips kissing you after months, after so much of the past and it wasn’t Daryl, you recovered immediately from this emotional fog. You grabbed his forearms, slowly moved away from his lips and looked down. Aiden sighed and leaned his forehead against your neck. “You can’t do it, right?”

You shook your head and gave him a nervous smile. “I’m sorry…”, you stammered. Aiden let you go and stooped to pick up the empty bottles and the bottle opener.

“You will not kill me for that, will you?”, he joked, trying to hide his disappointment. You smiled slightly, your feelings clouded and your head feeling heavy. “If you bring me home, no.”

Daryl Dixon’s PointOfView:

As soon as I was alone, I cursed every single cell of my body for agreeing to go to that damn party. I didn’t do it before, because the anger that had clouded my brain was so great that no other nonsense could come to my mind. Thinking with a clear mind, and after the cigarette had the task of relaxing my nerves, the thought that I might have exaggerated began to crop up. Not because of Spencer, but because of Y/N. I snorted and pushed the cigarette out on the porch floor, unpretentiously stretching my legs. I had a kind of tingling that was very similar to anger that plagued my stomach and I couldn’t sit still for a minute. At the same time, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to move a single muscle to get up. That bitch would drive me crazy someday. And I realized that I was the one who allowed me to boil the blood in my own veins. More than with her I should have been mad at me. Because that was it and only that, the truth: I couldn’t say no. No matter how annoying her requests were, I couldn’t because I still felt responsible for her; Besides, I had really feared I would never see her again after the ambush in the hut. I felt guilty about her disappearance and was shocked by what I would say to Rick and the others that I couldn’t protect her… But there was more to it than that. Another reason I tried to get as far as I am possible to stay away from her, something that annoyed me.

The fact that I could never see Y/N again scared me; Had we quarreled so hard at the time of the prison, I probably would have simply avoided her and reduced the conversation to the minimum necessary. If Y/N found out she had this unknown power over me, I’d be in a huge pile of shit. Keep pondering in this way gave me a disturbing desire to apologize.

“Fuck!”, I blurted out and lit another cigarette, indefinitely, but long enough, I often changed my mind about what to do: Her eyes came to my mind again, wet with tears with her hurt expression. Something in me shook my conscience, the only alternative would be to put the pride aside and apologize to her… I didn’t know how much time had passed or how far they were all with the party, so I decided that I’d be waiting for Y/N outside her house: Sooner or later she’d have to come back in. Before I changed my mind, I went straight there, impatient to get rid of those annoying thoughts, it would be the first and the last time, because then I regained control of myself, a slight grin spreading across my lips as I considered what Merle would say if that fucking bastard were still alive. That, and I was afraid to say, the natural way Y/N behaved towards me, displaced and confused my old self. She saw something good in me that I didn’t know myself. I ain’t like that damn asshole who called himself 'The Governor’ or other bastards we met on our way, but still: I wasn’t a good person. Not as much as she believed. And since I had admitted that there were still good people, her vision of me had just become even more distorted. She didn’t know what exactly had made me change my mind, but it had to do with her, definitely. So she had to stop being close to me: It would have been easier. For both of us. But that thought made me nervous and I felt some strange emotions when I remembered how I fled with her. I had to stay away from this path, otherwise it wouldn’t have gone well. She was beautiful, Y/N, internally and externally, but I couldn’t afford that our normal relationship would turn into a misunderstanding. It was too good for me while I ruined everything I touched. The fact that she didn’t cooperate and tried to defeat my defense just made things even more complicated.

I stopped for a second and stared at the emptiness in front of me as I realized what I was thinking and went straight on. A short time later arrived in front of her house: All lights were off and if she hadn’t already gone to bed, which I doubted, I assumed she was still at the party. For a moment I had the idea of postponing everything to the next morning, so I sat down on the porch steps to avoid further thought and waited. If it had been someone else and not her, I would have gone to sleep too, but it annoyed me too much. So I pulled another cigarette out of the pack and smoked it without worrying too much about what I was going to say, to apologize: I was just going to improvise.

After not knowing how long, I saw her coming, staggering, supported by one of Deanna’s sons. Aiden. I convinced myself that it was time to understand that irritating sense of annoyance at the sight of his arm around Y/N’s shoulders.

“What the damn hell happened to her?”, I yelled at him.

“Calm down, Daryl. She just exaggerated with the alcohol!”, he hurried to justify and put his arm between me and himself as I stood in front of him, ignoring him and continuing to focus on Y/N.

“Y/N!”, I called her, putting my hand under her chin and raising her chin to look at her face, but she kept her eyes fixed on the ground. “Y/N, ya’ alright?”

“She’s fine!”, Aiden interjected.

“Ain’t talkin’ to ya’, asshole!”, I growled, glaring at him.

“Daryl, don’t yell.”, Y/N mumbled and put her hand on mine. I tried to ignore the thrill of this contact and she forced herself to look up. “It’s… I’m fine, I’m just… tired…”

“I think I will bring her to bed…”, Aiden protested coldly to increase the tension around us.

“Fuck off, ya’ won’t!”, I yelled at him again.

“Daryl…”, Y/N said weakly.

“Hey, are you her father, do I need your permission to talk to her?”, Aiden harshly replied.

“Her family’s dead, ya’ bastard! Have some respect 'nd don’t dare to talk 'bout 'em!”, I threatened, trying not to upset Y/N too much.

“Stop it… Daryl…”, she breathed, leaning against me. “It’s okay, Aiden… Thank you for helping me and for understanding… For listening to me…” she added. I didn’t know what she meant, so her words caught my curiosity, but I hadn’t asked any questions.

“Now I understand. It makes sense.”, Aiden mumbled suddenly, shifting his gaze from her to me. Although I still didn’t understand what they were referring to, I suddenly felt uncomfortable and tried to hide it by staring coldly at him.

“Good night Y/N.”, he added and I didn’t even look at him as he left.

“Can ya’ go on on yer own?”, I asked her, trying to look as thoughtful and patient as possible. I had to try to be kind at least on this occasion somehow. She nodded, but when we came to the steps, she moved away from me to sit down.

“Y/N?”, I called and knelt in front of her.

“I’m tired, Daryl.”, she said, frowning.

“That’s why I’m tryin’ to get ya’ into bed.”, I answered patiently. Y/N said nothing for a moment; Then, suddenly, her eyes widened, which were clearly glassy. At first I didn’t understand it, then I mentally repeated what I had said and I jerked awkwardly. “Fuck, I mean, I’ll pull ya’ to sleep!”, I said urgently so she understood better in her drunken state.

“Okay, okay…”, she murmured and closed her eyes again immodestly. “Indeed… Wait, no, leave me here.”

“Why should I?”

“Because you hate me.”

“Ain’t hatin’ ya’, Y/N.”

“But you are right. You were always right. I… I’m just a stupid bitch that… That never understood anything… That can’t do anything worthfully…”

I snorted and stood up briefly to stretch my knees, then sat down next to her on the porch and she turned to me, but as if she was only ashamed to look at me. I knew how much I had really exaggerated and just insulted her at the party for taking over my defense… I should have told her. But anyway: I was not that kind of person. I’ve never been good with words, with long speeches or with different sentiments; I preferred the facts, but the problem was that I couldn’t do anything concrete to make her understand that I knew I was a fucked-up asshole. I had to say something to her to remove those insecurities that had caused my words from her mind. I stretched my legs again, leaning on my elbows and staring at the ground for a while. Then I looked at Y/N, her eyes narrowed and she stared straight ahead. “Why are you here?”, she asked shortly afterwards, a little clearer than what she had said until a few minutes ago. But this apology was damn hard for me though only a few simple sentences would have to say: I was an asshole. I’m so sorry. Thank you for defending me.

I kept looking at her but couldn’t speak. Y/N, who after a while, and tired of waiting, hoping for my answer, sighed, moving to stand up as I helplessly looked into the void. She straightened on her legs, lost her balance and landed on me. Part of her body was pressed against mine, our temples touched and her scent fluttered around me as her hair brushed my cheek. I wasn’t used to having her so close to me… “It’s bad for you tonight, Dixon, I’m not enough… Of course…”, she mocked in her drunken state, putting her arm against my shoulder and collapsing against me. “I think you have to help me by force.”, she added with a laugh, then put her head against my shoulder.

“Helped ya’ before I dragged yer ass up the stairs.”, I grunted and turned to face her. She was silent for a few seconds; Then she raised her face to mine without warning. My eyes were fixed on her eyes. This woman was damn dangerous to me and my emotions, more than I was for her. She looked at me with those damn beautiful eyes and tortured me with only strength of her eyes. I didn’t understand what she was doing or what she really wanted: This situation alone, I knew, would do no good, nothing right.

“You’re an asshole, Daryl Dixon.”, she whispered, still staring at me with that unbearable look. I swallowed, my mouth was dry, but I could answer: “I know.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I know.”

For a brief second her eyes dropped to my lips and then flickered back to my eyes. She blushed and shivered. “Maybe you’re more than you think…”, she breathed in a broken whisper. I couldn’t move a single muscle, and since I couldn’t even escape, I hoped that Y/N wouldn’t make a mess. I was aware that what she had said hid so much else, but I had no intention of deepening my questions or thinking about them, because I was afraid of the conclusion I would get to… After a few seconds she breathed again and returned, at least with her face, to an acceptable distance and looked uneasily away. “Sorry.”, I mumbled quickly, drawing her attention back to me. I forced myself to look her in the eye. Although I used them as a pretext to stop them from trying out thoughtful gestures, I apologized sincerely. Of course I could have said more but I hoped she would understand that I was serious even with a simple word. Her lips twisted into a smile as her eyes gleamed in mine. She raised one arm, clasped it to mine and squatted against my chest, her head against my heart. “It doesn’t matter, Daryl, and I was too persistent, I’m sorry.”

Her warmth relaxed as I tried to get used to this closeness and loving gesture. I couldn’t decide what was more difficult for me, whether I felt affection or just received it. At the same time I couldn’t be as spontaneous as she was: I felt that I was doing something for which I should be ashamed.

“Maybe, but I can be a nice asshole if I really want.”, I admitted with a slight grin. She laughed with me as I struggled to seriously add: “What I told ya’… Didn’t mean it, yer ain’t like them, like those people in Alexandria.”

She looked at me and smiled. “So you didn’t change your mind about me?”

“Yes.”, I answered and wanted to add that I didn’t understand why she cared so much about it, but there was something that suggested that I would rather not know, so I avoided it. She sighed and moved closer to me. “Good thing.” But for this time it was too much. “C'mon, I’ll take ya’ upstairs,” I said, shaking her lightly and forcing her to get up, not without some resistance from her. We entered the house and only then did I realize that it was quite cold outside when I felt the warmth of her house surround me. She stumbled a bit so I helped her and put my arm around her waist as she fell on the sofa in the dim light of the living room, the next moment, with little grace. A snort escaped her lips, she lay down on her stomach and pressed her face against the pillow which dampened her voice as she mumbled something incomprehensible. “Then sleep here…”, I said, standing next to the sofa, watching her from above. “Yes…”, she said, curling up in a fetal position. Her eyelids flickered, a sign that she was already losing consciousness. But I didn’t say anything so as not to wake her up, so I turned and walked to the front door. “Daryl…”, she shouted after me weakly and let me freeze. I couldn’t see her face from there, so I didn’t know if she had her eyes open or not. “What?”, I asked and she was silent for a few seconds before answering: “Stay here… Just for a while, please…” My first impulse was to get out of this house and go to bed, to restore some distance between me and her. Instead, I turned and reached her. I sat on the floor, close to her. With her knees touching my back. “Thanks…”, she whispered and I could tell from her voice that she was smiling. Suddenly I felt her fingers brushing against my shoulders, rising from my neck to the back of my head and hugging each other in a gentle caress in my hair. I stiffened and tried not to notice the heavy shudder that ran down my back, so I gritted my teeth and cursed inside. After a few moments, I still prevented her from continuing with this kind of pleasant torture. I took her hand and brought her away from my neck. So as not to let her think I wanted to reject her, I turned around until I put my arm on the sofa and next to her knees and finally found her face in front of me. In the dark, barely lit by the light of the street lamp, which is penetrated by the windows, physical contact became easier for me. I let her warm hand disappear into mine and squeezed it. I couldn’t take my eyes off her relaxed expression and her lips twisted into a small smile. “Good night, Daryl Dixon.”, she mumbled, before she managed to fall into a deep sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as you opened your eyes the next morning, you had the most painful headache you had ever felt before and after the apocalypse began. It was as though you had tightened your temples with a steel handle while an invisible weight was bearing down on your head, making the situation even worse. You suddenly closed your eyes, won by the morning light that flooded your living room and felt very sore because you slept on the couch. When you realized it, you tried to remember why you were there and not in your bed. With a little effort, you put every detail in its place, in the confused and complicated tangle of your thoughts. A feeling of embarrassment hit your stomach a second before the memory of the previous evening came into the spotlight of your consciousness. You do not quite remember the details, the colors or the exact words, but in general yes... Maybe the kiss of Aiden had a big impact on your psyche. Almost as much as the pointless speeches you used to soothe Daryl... A creeping sense of embarrassment intruded on every inch of your body, causing you to curl up and hide your face under the pillow. You took a deep breath and could not believe that you had really fucked it up like that. You took a deep breath and tried to calm down and arm yourself with the necessary courage to get out of this dilemma and finally get up from this damn sofa. So you sat up rather slowly to avoid nausea or dizziness, get rid of the blanket and stretch a little. You were upset, dazed and exhausted: A wreck... Not to mention how parched your mouth felt. You had to drink water and take a shower as soon as possible to recover... Out of nowhere you were impressed by the memory of Daryl beside you as he held your hand to satisfy your mood in your drunken state of having him there. You looked around and checked if he was still here or not: No. You were alone in this living room and you breathed in relief: You couldn't confront him or even look him in the eye after the bad figure you had made that night. At least not right away... You weren't even ready to meet Michonne or Aiden. Maybe, if only for today, you'd better lock yourself in your house. All of a sudden you realized that it was Monday and for a moment you panicked, because you would have been late for your job as a sentry and then, in a very bad shape, but luckily you remembered that you had no work today. And you wondered if Michonne would work today... You would have avoided seeing everyone during the day, but how could you have refused your family's invitation to have dinner with them that night? How could you justify yourself? You should have discussed these situations with her as soon as possible, but you were still angry and remembered the scene of Spencer, who had urged you to yell at him all over Alexandria, and of course in front of your family, and only because of Daryl Dixon. Yes... It would have been a good idea to barricade yourself at home and never leave it again... Finally, you got up with tremendous effort and hauled yourself up the stairs, then locked yourself in the bathroom to take a shower. The warm water on your skin regenerated and stretched your nerves, causing you to overcome the headaches and heaviness you felt on your eyelids. You went out clean and fragrant from the shower, wrapped your body in the bathrobe and dried your hair. You immediately felt better after the shower. Only in your underwear did you finally go to the bedroom and search the closet for the most comfortable sweatshirt you had and a pair of black boots. Since it was still early in the morning you decided to sleep a few more hours: You took the pillow that you had lying in bed, put it on the sofa, covered you with a thin blanket and closed your eyes. After a while, you collapsed, half awake, just about to fall asleep when you heard a knock on the door. You rubbed your eyes, snorted, straightened, dragged yourself across the living room, thinking it could be Michonne, Daryl or Aiden. In all three cases, you would not have been happy to open the door.

"Who's there?", you asked nervously, approaching the entrance.

"It's me, Aaron!"

You sighed in relief, turned the key and opened your friend.

"Wow, Y/N, you look a lot better than yesterday.", he said as he looked at you.

"What are you doing here?", you asked as you both reached the living room.

"I came to see if you're alright, I lost track of you last night after... Well, you know..."

You smiled at him, grateful for his concern. "It's better that way, I probably would have just made more shit...", you sighed, throwing yourself on the couch, making room for him and Aaron sat down next to you with a perplexed expression.

"What exactly happened, do you want to talk about it?"

Yes. You wanted to tell a friend, the only one you've never had any misunderstandings with except for when he saved you and you held a gun to his head: Aaron had become like a brother to you, just like Rick. You sank down between the pillows on the sofa, pressed your knees to your chest and began to talk. Aaron listened to you wordlessly as you continued to speak, and from time to time blushing in speech and stumbling over your own words. When you finished you waited without looking at him for a comment from your friend.

"I suspected that Aiden wanted to try something about Daryl.", he finally said and a lawsuit escaped you.

"I've had of this talk already enough."

"Hey, we're not arguing!", he defended himself, referring to Michonne.

"I know, but it's useless talk."

"You are really adorable when you deny certain things.", he said, running his hand through his hair.

"There's nothing to deny!", you blurted out.

"Aiden does not have a crush on me!", he squeaked, imitating you and your tone. "And a few days later: Aiden kissed me!", he added with sarcastic gestures that still made you smile easily. "I wonder what your - 'I feel nothing for Daryl' - heart will do!", he said mischievously.

"You are really unbearable, Aaron.", you laughed and crossed your arms over your chest.

"That's why I'm your best friend, right?"

"I hope someday I can poke your nose in your own business concerning Eric."

Aaron started to smile again after this sentence. "Everything is perfect with us, but really listen to me: Are you in love or not?"

"Stop!", you yelled in exasperation, grabbed the pillow and slapped it in his face.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry.", he said, hurrying back and trying to defend himself against a second pillow. You sighed, slid your arms along the body and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I screwed it up, and to be honest, I do not even have the guts to get out of this house..."

"You can't avoid Daryl forever."

"Aaron, it's not just about him, you know, right now I can not face Michonne or Aiden in the face, not to mention that when I attacked Spencer, all of Alexandria was present, even in front of Deanna... I ruined everything on several fronts."

"I think you think it's too tragic, and I'd delete Aiden from the list of people you think you screwed up, I'd say Michonne and Daryl come first."

"I must have broken Aiden's heart...", you mumbled.

In response, he raised his eyes. "You did not do anything wrong, Y/N, you can not force yourself to kiss him if you don't want it!"

"Okay... Well... But what am I supposed to do about Michonne instead? I'm still angry with her and I'm not sure she's still willing to talk about it in peace."

"In fact, you do not necessarily have little reason not to be angry. She treated you like a child."

You were silent for a few moments to decide if you should ask him important questions or not. "You also think that... Well, Daryl..."

"Are you just asking me if you're not good enough for him?"

"Yeah... Just because it's me."

Aaron shrugged. "Well, if you have to try out so much with a young man to find out, and the young man in question is Aiden in this case, then the older one of the two men you already trusted and from the beginning somehow liked it for a long time... Then you already know your decision, don't you think?"

You laughed heartily: "You see, you would never hear that from Daryl, especially if he has the crossbow at hand."

"He can kill me with his bare hands, too.", he said, trembling briefly and making you laugh again.

"Come on, he's not that bad!", you yelled and nudged him. "He may be a bit rough, okay, but he would never hurt you."

"Look! Do you see? How much you defend the man of your dreams!", he nudged you with mock dreamy language and pinched your side. "And over time, Michonne will understand that, you're younger than her, and you're very close friends as it's normal to be worried about.", he added, ignoring your grim look.

"I just wish she had understood in prison even then that I'm not a little girl just because I had a hard time fighting and killing in the beginning, now they all need to see how strong I've become, I want them and all of my group to respect my connection with Daryl, I do not understand why Michonne is so worried..."

"Why are you so sure?", Aaron asked curiously.

"Because Daryl is himself... I... I was not created for this kind of life in the beginning, and to be honest... He needs a woman as strong as he is who fights by his side and not one who must be protected.", you explained.

"Do I have to remind you that it was up to you to come here? You talk a lot of shit, Y/N...", he said, rolling his eyes.

"It's your credit, Aaron, you drove the car and saved me.", you corrected him. "And that's not the point."

"So, what is it about?", he snapped impatiently. "Explain it to me, or do you really think he has to meet a woman his age, who knows how to kill the living dead with closed eyes and bare hands to fall in love?"

"Somehow...", you whispered, impressed by his words.

"Age is not important, let alone in the midst of an apocalypse, and it does not seem to be a scandalous problem. At least if it were a woman to approach the hundred years, that would be more disturbing.", he said, making you laugh before continuing. "The thing that pisses me off more is that you don't recognize your value and you see yourself as useless since you got yourselves back."

You gave him an eloquent look. "I just imagined my strength, Aaron and that's just Daryl's merit."

"You're a strong girl, Y/N.", he continued, ignoring your comment. "You are stubborn, kind and hope has never left you, even as you said it back then... Don't give up... You didn't give up your family. You did everything you could to haul you seriously hurt, just to survive. And here in the meanwhile, you've never stopped hoping."

"Well, those are not qualities that help to survive.", you mumbled, unconvinced by his arguments.

"You're used to living, you're used to living a life where it's not possible to live when you're in danger, what do you care if you're not an expert like Daryl? You have done more than any of the other inhabitants of Alexandria, from what you have told me."

"I was dead inside when I arrived here, that's what I am! In an emergency situation, Daryl, Maggie, Rick, or anyone else would be forced to bring me under control to protect me! I'm stupid...", you mumbled.

"No, you're not, you're a wonderful, strong woman, Y/N. I'm sure Daryl knows that and that's why he's trying to get away from you."

You looked at him and gave him a perplexed expression that made your friend laugh.

"In my opinion, this man has more paranoia than you had in the beginning.", he joked. "I think he cares more about you than you think, why else would he have to wait outside your house, if you feel that you have such a strong bond with him, you can not think that it's just one-sided."

No... He should stop talking... You could not allow Aaron to leave certain doubts, certain illusions in your head. For Daryl you were a family member like Rick, Michonne, Carol, Glenn, Maggie or Carl. He protected and treated you the way he would with any other person in your family. You could not even let the smallest part of you believe that Daryl's gestures were the result of a stronger feeling. You needed to know what you felt without asking for anything from him. According to him, he started to believe that there are always good people in this world despite everything, and that was enough to make you happy.

"He and I are part of the same family, Aaron, that's all, don't fool me by making me misunderstand certain gestures, please...", you whispered wearily.

"I did not mean to deceive you, Y/N, sorry...", he murmured, looking worried. You smiled and shook your head. "No, do not apologize, I appreciate everything you said, really, thank you."

"But really, I think you should ask him if he can teach you how to get out of there!", he suddenly suggested cheerfully and tried to mislead the subject, whereupon you snorted. So of course you should have the courage to talk to him but then you do not know how long it would take. Aaron stretched his legs out in front of him and leaned his head against the back of the sofa.

"Well, you could come to dinner tonight, for example, and make peace with Michonne, too."

At the thought, you felt your stomach spinning. "I... I do not think I'm ready.", you replied, turning to face him. "Please, Aaron...", you implored him.

"Y/N...", he tried to oppose you. "Just for tonight, okay?"

"Don't you know some will be on a mission tomorrow, Daryl included.", you said, stiffening instantly: If something would happen to one of them and your last memory was a tense meal, you would have had to repent forever. "They'll be back soon and we'll all be together and I'll finally apologize, I swear, but this evening... I just can't do it.", you blurted, raising your knees to your chest and put your forehead on it, while Aaron looked at you reproachfully.

"Okay, Y/N, it's okay, all I know is that it will be a bit longer before we get back, so Daryl and me."

"I know.", you whispered, looking down at the floor.

"And you do not want to see him again before he leaves?", Aaron asked and you shrugged.

"Maybe it would be better that if I didn't talk to him anymore. I would release him a burden."

Your friend grunted to express his disagreement. "You really are impossible!"

You laughed and smiled at him. "Just like Daryl.", you answered and Aaron looked at you mischievously.

"Then you have been made for each other."

You hit him again with a pillow and used all the strength you had left. "Stop saying that!"

When Aaron left later and you finally managed to convince yourself to go outside, you closed the door, leaned back and sighed in relief. You wanted to be alone for a while and still had a headache. The day continued quietly when you finally met Aaron again at the gates of Alexandria and he wanted to talk to you again.

"Nothing happened today, Y/N.", he assured you by the guards.

"I know, but it's still embarrassing.", you mumbled, your eyes falling on a book in his hands.

"What's that brick?", you asked him, smiling and pointing to the book under your nose.

"It's Denise's manual.", he informed you. You knew her from the beginning... Denise was a survivor who arrived in Alexandria just before the Apocalypse; She studied medicine at the university before the dead began to walk again. The day, apart from your renewed conversation, went quiet. The embarrassment and fear of seeing your family again, after what had happened the night before, had not left you yet: You ran home, hoping that you could not invent an excuse for him and Eric to have dinner. Shortly afterwards you lay down on the sofa and tried to imagine how your family would comment on your absence at dinner. Maybe you only made the situation worse... You had been around the walls all the time to talk to Michonne, but Daryl would have left the next morning and you did not even know what time it was. You definitely had to apologize and clarify everything with him before they're leaving. So you tried to remember your memory to see if Aaron usually told you what time he was recruiting. Usually, Alexandria's day-to-day life started around nine in the morning and it was likely that Aaron was going to the gates at this hour. You should have asked Aaron and, embarrassing as it was, it was the only way to know when you could reach Daryl before he left. So you put on your jacket and went to the house of your friends. Aaron, who refused to investigate too much, informed you that they would leave Alexandria at nine o'clock the next morning as expected, and be away for a few weeks. You thanked the recruiter and had to get up in time. Before you fell asleep, you tormented yourself by thinking of what you could say, the embarrassment you felt and how Daryl would respond, how he would treat you, and whether he was mad at you for your cowardice. In the morning, you awoke with a tight knot in your stomach and the fear that was evident on your trembling hands. You got dressed, had breakfast, and went to the gates to wait to meet Daryl before going on a mission with Aaron. When the two finally arrived the words stuck in your throat. Daryl looked startled, so you walked up to him and you both stopped a few feet apart and looked at each other. Leaving you alone, Aaron chatted about opening the gates and preparing the cars he'd parked in front of the lookout tower the night before. Daryl had his crossbow on his shoulder and looked at you with unfathomable eyes, the neutral expression behind which he hid everything he felt. You did not know what to say, but you knew that he was waiting for you to speak first; At the thought, your stomach twisted and you looked uncomfortably down.

"So... You're going to recruit today..."

"Yes.", he replied indifferently. He seemed to be waiting and you knew exactly for what: He was waiting for you to say something sensible, since it was clear to him that you were waiting for him and that there was a reason. You could not open your mouth because you were scared. Afraid that everything you said would be stupid. You tried to speak, but you could not get another sound out of your mouth; You two stayed quiet for a few minutes and throughout the time you prayed that an abyss would open under your feet and devour you once and for all. Then he overtook you and walked toward the car with the same illegible expression.

"Daryl!", you tried to stop him, turned in his direction and you reached him at the border of the gate.

"We're on road for a maximum of two weeks.", he said out of the blue as he got into the car. He surprised you: Was it a clumsy attempt to calm you down?

"I know.", you said. "I... I wanted to apologize for the last night.", you mumbled, encouraged by his unspoken reassurance.

"Yer jus' causin' trouble!", he snapped, raising his eyes to the sky. He switched on the engine, which animated the car with his sound and caught your attention. When you looked back at Daryl, you noticed that his lips, barely visible, had gone to a smile and you smiled back as you recognized this situation.

"Be careful.", you said cautiously, placing a hand on his outstretched arm, barely brushing the fabric of his shirt and releasing it. You bitterly regretted that you had wasted the day before, far from him, especially because you did not even have the courage to embrace him and welcome him as you wished. Daryl said nothing more. He answered with a nod and with that half smile, his eyes tied to yours. There was no other need: His blue eyes were enough to understand that everything was alright between you two and your heart was filled with serenity. You looked at each other briefly, until he and Aaron drove onto the road that led away from Alexandria. You also greeted your friend with one hand and watched them until they finally disappeared in your view. You sighed deeply, ready for the exhausting wait that separated you from Daryl's return...

As you walked back to my house, Michonne crossed the street. Her expression was serious but peaceful, and she probably studied you to see if she could talk to you or not; The tension between you had eased considerably, but perhaps it was not the best place to clear everything, not there, in the middle of the streets of the community. Without speaking, you followed her. You both sat down on the white bench under the porch of your family's house, which wavered softly and out of nowhere a question came to your mind.

"Michonne, why don't you ask Deanna to give you a house just for you, Rick, Carl and Judith?" She shrugged her shoulders.

"We could actually, I didn't think about it, but I think Rick feels safer if we all stay together for the first few weeks."

"Right.", you agreed and nodded. Then the silence fell between you.

"Daryl is gone?", Michonne asked quietly after a while and you nodded with a smile.

"Are you worried?", she asked again.

"I try not to worry, I trust his skills and I know they will come back."

She smiled sadly at you, but with understanding. "Glenn left, too, but they'll be back, if all goes well.", she murmured with a frown.

"Everything will be fine.", you said with conviction. Michonne looked up at you and gave you a smile, which disappeared shortly thereafter.

"Look, Y/N, because of the party lately..."

"That doesn't matter anymore.", you interrupted.

"No, listen to me.", she insisted and touched your arm.

"I'm sorry, I wanted you to know, I did not really want to play the role of the fearful good friend, but in the end it just got worse..."

"I was wrong too, and I can not blame you for not looking for me and not for the rest, I'm sorry too..."

"No, you were right, I tried to stay away from the person who took care of you and protected you, excuse me, Y/N, even if I didn't look for you, I'm a terrible friend."

"Please don't say that again!", you threatened, sinking your face in her shoulder.

"Just promise me you're careful not to hurt you, Y/N, it was terrible when Daryl came back without you...", Michonne whispered, pulling you closer. You wondered how much these words should cost her, but you hoped that over time she would understand and accept your feelings. "Don't worry, Daryl can never hurt me the way you think."

After this sentence, Michonne gave you a puzzled look. "Why?", she asked uncertainly.

"He... I don't think he'll ever see me the way I see him."

Michonne gave the impression of thinking about it for a moment. "Well, you can not know that, Daryl is very good at hiding what he feels."

You smiled as you realized that in this aspect Daryl was an open book for all. "And yet, in those days we spent together it was different... I've never seen him like this before...", you thought aloud.

"Tell me something that has made you change your mind about him.", teased Michonne, but could not hide a hint of concern that was so like yours and the time with Daryl rolled through your mind again. "It was difficult at first, you know how much he hated me in the beginning...", you said. "Daryl didn't want to look for you a short time later, he didn't want to do anything, he thought you were all dead... I felt uncomfortable and often told myself I'd rather have fled with someone other than him. I could not do it on my own, but in the end we quarreled and almost collapsed, confessing that he blamed himself for what The Governor did to the prison, as well as losing Judith, all of you..."

With the corner of your eye you saw Michonne wince, but continued. As you spoke, you saw everything again, as if you were a spectator of what Daryl and you had experienced together.

"He's opened to me, do you understand? I've heard what he felt, albeit minimal, like an echo, but I've heard it."

Michonne was silent with surprise. It also seemed incredible to you; As if you were not talking about Daryl Dixon, but about a very different person.

"I have never felt so close to anyone yet...", you continued. "The next day, he also taught me to follow in the footsteps to hunt, we've become a team and he...", you stopped, overwhelmed by a mixture of embarrassment and another indescribable feeling as you approached his eyes that seemed so intense and eloquent. The only time you had really been able to understand what he was thinking.

"He?", Michonne urged you.

"He made it clear to me that thanks to me he starts to believe that there are still good people, I saw hope in him." Michonne studied you for a few moments without saying anything.

"How could it be otherwise?"

"What do you mean?"

"Even the toughest man would melt because of your eyes and smile.", she replied and you looked in a different direction. "Stop it, Michonne."

"But it's true!", she called and lovingly embraced your shoulders with one arm.

"Too bad it did not work with the enemies I met on the street.", you reminded her.

"They were bad people.", she pointed out. "Anyway, now I understand you a little more." 

You turned to her. "Really?", you answered, almost relieved. She smiled at your enthusiasm and nodded. "You know, Y/N, I'm not sure why you're so scared about the idea that you feel those feelings for him.", she said, smiling sadly at you.

"You do not have to worry about me."

"What if it's true?", she asked quietly and you quickly noticed how your cheeks blushed, but Michonne went on. "If Daryl has the same feelings for you?"

You looked at her and tried to find out what you really thought. "What would you do?", you asked, turning her to the question she wanted to ask you. She looked at you seriously for a few moments, then relaxed and nodded in a smile.

"You're young, Y/N.", she said, and you were ready to fight back when she spoke again.

"You're young, but you're not a kid, what you've been through has made you stronger and we've all seen it, I trust you and your common sense.", she concluded, as the beating of your heart echoed in your ears.

"You know, Y/N, sometimes I think of everything we've lost and it's so hard to accept that I almost feel like I miss a lot, but then I'm reminded of Rick, and I think that if Daryl does the same for you and you represent it to him as well, I can't and don't want to hinder you in any way, but I'll keep an eye on him anyway, okay?"

"Thanks...", you interrupted, hugging her as you felt your eyes wet, and Michonne, after a few seconds of surprise, returned the hug and held you tight in her arms. The vain fear of thinking had paralyzed you... Michonne's words meant a lot to you and knowing that she accepted my feelings for Daryl filled your heart with a calming warmth.

"Michonne, I think you make me cry.", you joked, wiping away a tear that was trying to escape your eyes. She burst out laughing and gave you one last hug before she let you go. You both sat on the porch to just talk. No matter about what. This conversation meant a lot to you, as well as the certainty to finally soothe your soul...


	7. Chapter 7

Daryl and Aaron returned to Alexandria a week later. By the time the two recruits left the walls behind, Daryl's unease and fate was following you everywhere. Yet, even for a moment, they could not scratch your trust in him, your hope, and your assurance that he would return. That he and Aaron would be back together. While Daryl was absent, you apologized to Aiden, Spencer and even to your family, thus relieving yourself of a heavy burden.

Life in Alexandria continued quietly: Your family began to get used to living within this community and you were happy with it. Rick forced Deanna to provide more guards to monitor the perimeter of the towers, not just at the gate. To reassure him, she immediately agreed and quickly studied a number of shifts with Maggie, who had become her counselor. You insisted on joining because you wanted to be more useful outside the walls. Maggie and Deanna granted it to you. A few days ago you actually asked to go with one of the groups who were looking for supplies and received a gentle but dry refusal from Deanna. It reminded you that your help was needed here. From there you gave up, but convinced yourself that you would try again. Before trying to improve your abilities with weapons, you promised to follow Aaron's suggestion and Daryl, Carol, and everyone else who was willing to ask.

In order not to suffer from lack of loneliness, you surrounded yourself with people: You spent more time with Maggie, with Carl and with the rest of the group. You doubled the time of the lessons for the children, which took place on Wednesday and Friday. For them and to teach them more which made you feel good. That's why you stayed in school until late afternoon that Wednesday.

Before you arrived at Rick's in the evening, you decided to make a stopover to cool off and take a shower before going to dinner. When you arrived in front of Rick's house and the others of your family, the words in your throat fell silent, and you stopped to stare at the person smoking under the porch. Your heart started beating furiously in your chest long before you realized that you had Daryl in front of you, just a few steps away from you. He was back. He was fine. He was alive. Daryl noticed you a few seconds later and returned your gaze with an undecipherable expression. Maybe you just imagined it, but it seemed to you that his lips were bent in a small smile.

"Daryl! You're back!", you cheered, standing in front of him struggling not to jump into his arms. During his absence you had often imagined what it would be like to see each other again, in your daydreams you usually threw your arms around his neck and held him in an almost suffocating hug, very close to his strong arms, but the reality was not the same and you could not explain yourself why, maybe you needed to understand how far you could go, with the affection statements opposite a man so cold and contemptuous of physical contact.

"Told ya' so.", he answered and inhaled the smoke.

"Are you alright?", you asked, approaching him without realizing it.

"Yes.", he answered immovably.

"And Aaron?", you asked again.

"He's fine.", he reassured you and stretched casually.

You looked at his eyes, his lips, his hair, his hands, his shoulders: God, how you missed him. All the fear and worry that had followed you in those days vanished as if it had never been there.

"It's nice to see you again, Dixon. Welcome home.", you mumbled and smiled at him, his eyes fixed on you for a moment and you seemed lost in his intense look, which said more than a thousand words, then he snorted and looked uneasily to one side.

"As if.", he snapped and threw aside the finished smoked cigarette. You had such a longing to ask him to tell you how their trip had ended, what he and Aaron had done or saw, but you would have been embarrassed to talk to him about something like that in the company of others. You felt the need to be alone with Daryl, because only you yourselves could feel comfortable in the company of each other. When you were with the rest of your family, you did not talk much. While you did not ignore each other, you limited your interaction to the bare essentials. You did not know if Daryl did it so as not to arouse suspicion or any other reason. You just knew that you wanted to agree, though you thought there was nothing to hide. Or maybe he was the one who was afraid to show something that you would have noticed?

You spent a nice evening together. You did not miss Daryl's amused smirk on some of Rick's questions to you about your teaching job in Alexandria and looked at him from the other side of the table. Maybe you could ask him to bring you home without worrying about what your family would think if they saw you go away together. And it would have been more suspicious if you continued to ignore each other.

With a neutral face as the evening drew to a close, you ran to Daryl, who was sitting with Judith on the living room carpet. You stopped for a second to look at her: The little girl was playing with a teddy bear, her favorite toy since the days in the Prison. Daryl, sitting cross-legged, supported her. Few things made your heart tremble like seeing a man who was so strong and sometimes not so reassuring, yet playing with a fragile little creature like Judith. For a second, you wondered how Daryl would act as a father... But you hastily ignored this thought and approached them. 

"What are you doing?", you asked to say anything at all and took the little girl in your arms. Since you worked at the gates of the community and at school, you could not be with her as often as you wanted, and you were sorry. She was a very sweet little girl.

"Very serious stuff...", Daryl joked, patting Judith's cheek.

"Yeah, very serious!", you laughed, bending down and looking for the little girl's gaze as if you were addressing her, while Judith looked at you with Lori's eyes and opened in a dazzling smile.

"Speaking of serious things, can you take me home? I need to talk to you.", you said smiling and Daryl gave you a confused look.

"Yer still drunk 'nd need someone to drag ya' home?", he asked, opening his mouth in a mocking smile.

You were blushing, holding your hands to Judith's ears, while whispering 'Bullshit.' and under his laughter you tried to keep going. "Please, Daryl, it's important."

He eyed you suspiciously. "What did ya' do when I left?"

You looked up desperately. "Can't you just trust me and just go with me without all these questions?"

"Whatever ya' want.", he answered hastily and visibly annoyed.

Half an hour later, when you left the house together, you saw Daryl's shoulders relax dramatically as you walked slowly to your house. This was in the same street, so you had to hurry up and immediately find the courage to ask what you owed to the man next to me. The noise of your footsteps on the asphalt was the only background in the stillness of the evening.

"You were so hasty about your mission with Aaron. Are you sure that everything went well?", you asked, breaking the silence as Daryl turned around and looked at you.

"Is that so? Ya' just wan' to make me talk?", he asked, his tone calm despite everything, less on the defensive than before.

"No, Daryl.", you answered. "You know, it's something that people do, talk to each other..."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Nothin' happened that's worth tellin' we used to c'me back for a reason."

"Have you found anything useful? Supplies? Medicines?", you asked curiously.

"No, obviously we went the wrong way."

You nodded, not sure what to say. After a few moments of silence and when you arrived in front of your house, you gathered your courage and spoke. "Anyway, I asked you to come with me to ask you something...", you said, sounding confused as you stood in front of him. Daryl said nothing, but looked you in the eye and waited for you to say something again. So you took a deep breath before making the request. "I wanted to ask you if you can help me to show me how to shoot more precisely with weapons..."

His expression remained unperturbed, but you noticed a startling expression that only shook his shoulders. "Weapons?"

"Yes. If possible... I mean, I can, but I need to improve.", you explained, straightening your back and showing firm determination.

"Ya' wanna learn how to shoot better?", he inquired. "Don't ya' 'member anythin' 'bout Rick's training?", he asked, for a moment giving the impression that he was talking about an eternity a lot of time has passed, how many people have joined your family and how many have you lost...

"Of course I do. I can use weapons, but not as well as I want. In fact not as good as actually needed. I have to improve my shooting. I have to learn to hunt and follow the footsteps."

"Ya' need everythin' in here?"

His question surprised you. "I need it out there."

"Yer ain't leavin' the walls.", he answered, less as a deliberation, more like an order.

"At the moment. But I want to go out someday. For a reason. Again, it can be useful to be more like you. I want to learn to better defend myself and others, Daryl. It is not possible that after all this time I still have not gotten better. Carl is smaller than me and yet he's already an expert because I do not have this competence or what?", you exclaimed with a trace of desperation in your voice.

"Ya' can defend yerself 'nd ya' know how to defend others.", he replied, studying you seriously.

"With a few random shots and a machete, that does not help me if I have to defend myself from afar."

"I think ya' 've no idea what yer sayin', Y/N."

"I just ask you to help me, not to be a burden anymore.", you replied warmly.

"Okay...", he finally said in his exhausted voice and your heart started beating faster. "Thanks, Daryl, it means a lot to me."

He murmured something unintelligible, climbed the stairs of your porch and avoided having to hold on to it with a wave of his hand. "We'll talk 'bout it tomorrow, 'nd Olivia's weapons 'nd permission to get out of that cage 're needed as well.", he said, to distract you from your gratitude.

"Since when do you ask for permission?", you asked ironically and put your hands on your hips.

Daryl grunted. "Have to ask 'cause of ya'.", he underlined contemptuously. "I can go out when I want."

You burst out laughing with the annoyed expression on your face. "Daryl Dixon, the apocalypse rebel!"

"Shut up 'fore yer sympathy makes me change my mind!", he said, grinning and pointing with a nod to the front door.

"Yes, Boss!", you shouted a military salute and Daryl rolled his eyes but hardly nodded. "Night.", he said as a goodbye, turned his back to you and finally went home, you watched him as he walked away. Shortly thereafter, unexpectedly, something in you trembled, tingling in your fingers and moving into your legs to move them, and just before Daryl came down the first step of the porch, you grabbed his hand, and he turned to you in surprise. But you did not give him the time to say a word.  
You put your arms around him and hugged him, burying your face in his shirt. You had missed his smell, his body against yours, his heartbeat on your ear. To have him there in your arms, safe from a world you could not protect him out there, made you sigh happily.

"Y/N...", he protested weakly. You felt the beating of the heartbeat and his breathing became more hectic.

"Shut up.", you murmured against the fabric of his shirt and pushed even closer to him, defying all expectations, Daryl dropped his arms onto your shoulders after a few moments of indecision and held on to you, then leaned his head in and you swallowed to find the courage to express what you should say.

"I want to protect you, Daryl, I don't care about anything else, if I can't do that, when you're not with me, I want to be successful at least when we're together...", you whispered, so softly, that for a moment you feared he wouldn't hear you. But when you said it, you felt Daryl taking a deep breath, as if in a silent thank you. You also remembered the angry words he had addressed to you in the shed where you had taken shelter together.

You could never fully understand the suffering that Daryl had to endure from an early age. You imagined him as a kid, with a violent father, a mother too weak to protect him, and a brother who never knew how to be a real brother. Daryl had a childhood he did not deserve. His only problem was being born into a family that was unable to take care of him, to love him, to protect him. And that consciousness hurt you.

That was what you admired so much about Daryl: Despite his difficult past and the deep wounds that, you knew, never stopped burning inside, he was one of the best people you have ever known. And also one of the most fragile people...

Daryl thought he had changed his mind about the kindness of people through you, but in fact the opposite is true: You were unable to lose hope in humanity when sitting next to a man like Daryl Dixon. He was thankful that your hopes were not dead. And Rick, all the good people you met on your way.

He could have tried everything to get away from you, but you would not have cared: You would have been close to him in every possible way. You would have been there for him, you would have protected him, you would have made him feel important and worth loving. You wanted him to understand that there is someone who really cares about him. He would never have managed to keep you away, never.

You remained trapped in this embrace for a time that seemed infinite to you. You could really stay that way forever. Daryl, on the other hand, could only endure this proximity to a certain extent. After a while he let you go in silence. He looked you in the eye, without saying anything, turned around and went home. Watching his back, covered by the vest with the wings of an angel, you thought you had made the right decision by asking him to teach you how to survive even better.

You had so much to lose.  
Too much to finally fight for it.

The next morning, as you walked side by side to Deanna's house, the nervousness permeated you because you were not at all sure if your request would be accepted. You knew that you would find Maggie also at the Monroe's home: She and Deanna became a team on a project.

"Yer alright?", Daryl asked after your annoyed snort. Maybe he had noticed how quiet you were.

"Yes, I'm just thinking about what words to use to convince them to do it.", you replied, trying to control yourself.

He arched his shoulders arrogantly. "Tell 'em ya' want to do it 'nd that ya' will do it."

You burst out laughing, amused by his false arrogant tone. "Convincing, but I remind you that only you can afford that kind of tone.", you answered, looking at him. He held his rough expression for a moment, then he chuckled, shook his head, and kept walking. "That's also true."

The presence of Daryl, in spite of everything, reassured you and gave you the peace and quiet you needed. He stopped when Deanna let you sit in her living room, as if a guardian angel were watching your back. You tried to speak calmly, explain your reasons, and tried not to burden Maggie's worried expression too much as you sat on the sofa in front of you. You could understand what she was thinking: She was worried, but she knew you were right. You had to focus on it, she was the only one who could understand you. Deanna had never experienced what you had been through, so she could not understand what made you make that request. In her opinion, you have always put yourself in unnecessary danger.

"Y/N, we need you here.", she repeated to you as if she had asked you to go on a mission.

"To do what, check that there are no Walkers near the gates, we almost never have anything to do there, Deanna, and it's good, it means no one needs our care because it's alright. I know how the world is further out of these walls, and I want to be able to handle it even more.", you said warmly. She studied you with her frowning expression and stiff stance. She was not angry and you understood: She just did not know how to answer. Because you were right. She turned to Maggie to ask for her opinion or get help to convince yoh and you could not understand it. Maggie's gaze focused on Deanna, then she leaned back to you, and finally to Daryl. He had seen the whole exchange without saying a word, but concentrated in the silence.

Maggie sighed. "The idea doesn't inspire me, but I can not refuse it, this place is safe, but it still needs more defending.", she explained as your heart began to accelerate. Maggie turned to you, looked you in the eye and smiled. "Each of us has a job.", she added, and that's what Rick always said to us. You smiled back, hoping that she could see the gratitude in your eyes.

Deanna sighed. "Alright.", she answered. "If it doesn't bother Daryl."

You all turned to Daryl at the same time as he shrugged as if he did not attach importance to the matter.

"Ain't a problem for Daryl... ", he snapped, your smile widening beyond measure, you wanted to hold both Daryl and Maggie in a stifling embrace at the same time.

Daryl and you then went to Olivia to ask her to take a look at the armory after making sure you had Deanna's approval. You were with Daryl in the chamber full of weapons.

"What did ya' need so far?", he asked. Without thinking, he touched his chin with his fingers and looked interested at all the weapons.

"Just what you've seen so far.", you added, giving him a small smile. "I can aim better now.", you added. "Which one do you think is the best?"

"Well, with the Assault Rifle, ya' 've more leeway 's more shots 're fired... Yet every bullet 's important."

"Do you think there are weapons that suit me better?", you asked slightly sarcastically and suddenly felt insecure.

"Any weapon 's suitable if ya' 've to survive, an assault rifle, a shotgun, a pistol: Ain't a difference.", Daryl said. "This weapon 's a good start, 's ya' continue to improve yer aim, ya' will be safer with any weapon, 'nd ya' will feel comfortable with more difficult tasks.", he explained.

You've never heard so much and so passionately about it. It was really nice to finally discuss something so fluid. He had taken his role as a 'mentor' seriously, and he wanted you to feel good, respect your abilities, even if he would never admit it. You were really lucky... Even though Daryl was sometimes an impetuous and slightly angry man, when he was teaching something, he was the most patient and helpful person you've ever dealt with. And now he spent the next few weeks training you every time you both had time. He taught you how to improve your aim by using a silenced weapon similar to Carl's. You had your own space, a small space between the trees where you could train. Usually you used empty glasses as targets: Daryl placed them on a tree trunk and you had to hit them from different distances. Still, you hadn't told Michonne to worry her. You felt safe with Daryl. You would always feel safe. You had even expanded your basic knowledge of pursuit, survival and self-defense if you had found yourself in particularly difficult situations. During those weeks, you felt your attachment to Daryl even stronger. It was nice to spend so much time in his presence, united by a common goal. He had not begun to be more expansive or tender, but you could understand that in the end he somehow felt well in your presence. His stance was less rigid, less willing to retract in the event of physical contact, and his expression was more relaxed. Sometimes, after a mistake or a joke, you even laughed together. The very first lesson on posture to improve made you blush. Just because Daryl let you understand better how to position yourself, he stood behind you. His face was close to your ear, his chest a few inches from your back. This closeness instantly causes a chill in your whole body. He had his arms outstretched beside you and his hands on the gun you were holding to put you in the right position.

"Would be better if ya' held yer arms like this... ", he had instructed you, while you focused instead on his tone: He seemed quieter and less firm than usual.

"Okay...", you stammered and his breath tickled your ear.

When it was time to use the assault rifle, he had helped you lift your elbow better and turn your shoulders by placing his hands on your hips to adjust your posture. These approaches had been so sudden that they had you confused for a moment. Your training was discontinued, however, when Daryl was hired by Aaron for a new recruiting mission. He told you about it after dinner, a few days before he left.

"I'm leavin' on Monday.", he just said and approached you while holding Judith in your arms, you turned to him and smiled at him. "Alright.", you replied quietly so as not to wake the little girl. Daryl looked at you for a moment, his hands in his pockets and his blue eyes staring straight into yours. "I asked Carol if she could train you while I'm gone.", he informed you, and you noticed a disturbing tone in his so neutral-sounding voice.

"Carol has plenty to do, she has to cook for half Alexandria.", you said firmly. "Do not worry, Daryl, I'm waiting for you to come back.", you added, softening your tone. The look you gave him could not support him. He stammered a bit and went out to smoke a cigarette without adding anything else. You smiled to yourself, returning your attention to Judith, still asleep in your arms. You made sure not to wake her, got up and went upstairs to put her in her bed.

On the last day before Daryl's departure, you had to work in the morning. So you thought it would be a good idea to have breakfast together in the forest with the coffee in the thermos bottle you had put in your backpack.

"What ya' 've in there?", Daryl asked after you left Alexandria and alluded to what you held firmly in your hands.

"Something good.", you replied, smiling at him sheepishly.

"Ya' want to poison me?", he asked with a grin and put his crossbow over his shoulder.

You looked in the sky. "You got me!", you snorted, feigning anger.

You reached your usual place and sat on a log to eat your breakfast. The air was still cold, but the sun was already shining and illuminating the surroundings. Only you, Daryl and the silence around you, no Walkers, no dangers. You opened the lunchbox and handed Daryl the knife to share the bread. As he ate the first one, you glared at his usual elegance and tried not to laugh. When he was done, he licked his fingers and noticed that you were watching him.

"What?", he mumbled, swallowing the last bite. You chuckled, took your half and shook your head. "It's always a pleasure to make something to eat for you."

You sat in silence to continue your breakfast. With Daryl you would have stayed in this forest forever and enjoyed the beauty of dawn. You watched him drink the coffee: Actually, you had something to tell him before he went. Even if you did not know how he would react, you cultivated the hope that he would not oppose too much.

"Daryl?", you called to get his attention and he turned to you.

"Yes?"

You took a deep breath before saying: "I'll go, too, in about a week.", you confessed, keeping your eyes fixed on his. If this had been the time of the Prison, if you had not known him so well, you would not even have noticed the stiffening of his shoulders. It was an almost imperceptible change, but you saw it immediately. His eyes looked unreadable.

"Okay?"

You nodded and looked at the damp soil at your feet. "It's just one of those expeditions, I'm going with Glenn, he convinced Maggie and Deanna to give me a chance."

Daryl was silent for a few moments: "Were these idiots Nicholas, Spencer, and Aiden outta their hands? Ain't it their job, or am I wrong?"

Shit... You were hoping he would not remember. "Yes but-..."

"Be careful. These guys ain't reliable.", he said, putting the thermos bottle in his pocket and picking up what you had eaten for breakfast, it seemed he did not want to elaborate on the subject, and you did not understand what that was all about with Aiden or the fact that Daryl almost got into a fight with Nicholas and Spencer, and Glenn had never talked about them well, and feared that it was Spencer and Nicholas in particular who could endanger themselves and the entire team. You did not know what to answer but of course you would have been careful.

"Yer scared?"

You turned to Daryl and noticed that he was staring at you with a tilted head, trying to figure out what was going through your head. You straightened your shoulders and snorted: "Of course not."

He smiled lightly and, with the single power of his gaze, transmitted courage and confidence in you. "That's what I thought.", he said and your heart quickened his heartbeat. After these weeks, marked by the constant presence of Daryl, it was even harder to see him go away. You just escorted him to the gates, the morning he left; You only exchanged a long look and a few words.

"Keep trainin'.", was the only recommendation he gave you before he left.

"When you come back, I'll be so good that I don't need you anymore.", you replied, smiling at him, and he was smiling back, then turning around to reach Aaron outside the walls. You wanted to hug him, but you held yourself back: You had to keep this hug for his return, he had to come back, and you're sure he would, you'd meet again, you'd both go on missions and you'd come home safe. You were pretty sure. You would be ready for the expedition the next few days before the start, but no, you got sick, of course it had to happen... You were mad at your damn immune system, especially because you did not know when you would ever again be allowed to go out with one of the troops and you finally wanted to apologize to Aiden. Talking to Aaron, you understood that Aiden would forever just be a good friend and you just needed to tell him an explanation and had to make things clear once and for all.

"Do you finally realize your place is here?", Denise and Tara teased you as they prepared an infusion for you. They had actually insisted that you stay with them so they could take care of you.

"Did Deanna find someone to replace me?", you asked Tara without hiding your bad temper. She sat down on the table and handed you a cup of tea. "Actually, Spencer, Glenn and Aiden wanted to go by themselves, but Nicholas offered to take your place.", she informed you. "Tonight we'll stay with you, but Glenn will come by again.", Tara said and you nodded without adding anything. It was a long time since you fell ill; Even with such terrible flu in the Prison, you had managed to stay immune. You sighed, leaving yourself to the facts and crouching, overwhelmed by exhaustion...

Still, the unthinkable has happened in the end...

In the months that you had spent in Alexandria, you had changed your attitude to your daily lives: You were calmer, you considered everything as if the danger was no longer the main element of your lives. Of course, you worried about the fate of your family, but every day you stood with the assurance that they were safe, beyond the high walls that protected the community. And even if they were looking for supplies, you had confidence in their survival skills. Still, you had not lost consciousness of the danger, you had just tried to be optimistic. You had calmed down and that was the biggest mistake you could make...

You first understood that it was a mistake when Glenn returned from the mission that you wanted to attend...

On your second day of your cold, you were not strong enough yet to get out of the house, but at least to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. You had drunk your first sip when you heard the front door open. So you walked slowly to the entrance to see who it was. Glenn came in, his clothes dirty, his face emaciated and glistening with sweat. You had never seen him like that before. You approached him worriedly: As you approached, you noticed that his hands were smeared with blood.

"Glenn, your hands!", you called, holding the glass in one hand and grabbing him with the other hand to check that he hadn't been hurt or bitten. As soon as you touched his skin, you noticed that he was shaking. You looked at him and met his shocked expression. "What happened?", you asked, noting the fear that was spreading inside you. Behind him, you suddenly heard Maggie.

"What the hell happened?", she called alarmed.

Glenn's eyes wandered to her and then returned to you. His eyes filled with tears as he looked at you with a dazed and confused expression. He unfolded his lips and tried to speak, but he was partly so angry that no sound came out. Maggie gently pushed you aside to take her husband's face in her hands. "Glenn, look at me!", she commanded, trembling as well.

For some reason, breathing became increasingly difficult. There was something wrong. Something terribly wrong, which burdened your body at once.

"Glenn, tell me what happened!", Maggie said in a broken voice. He took her hands smeared with blood and lowered them to turn in your direction. His eyes pierced yours with a heartbreaking desperation. He left Maggie's hands and stood in front of you with a big step. "I'm sorry, Y/N, I'm so sorry...", he whispered in a voice broken with pain. Your hand let go of the glass, which fell to the ground and broke into a thousand pieces, along with a little part of you.

"Aiden...", he said, but you did not let him finish the sentence. You felt your arms move away from Glenn, your legs gave way and your knees didn't support the weight of your body anymore. You heard the shattering cry and the burning tears on your cheeks; You saw Maggie grab you by the shoulders and support you as if you were a piece of inanimate matter. You looked at the situation as if you were outside of your own body. That wasn't true, it couldn't be true...

Aiden is dead.


	8. Chapter 8

You were literally paralyzed by guilt and pain. Time had stopped to make sense. You curled up on the sofa and looked at the void. Glenn and Maggie talked, but their voice were far away, while the only thoughts you could bring out pursued you in a circle in your head.

Aiden is dead.

Aiden is gone.

It was your fault.

If Nicholas hadn't replaced you, maybe you could have saved him if you had come along.

You have killed him.

You wanted to blame yourself, though Glenn had told you clearly that Aiden was dead because Nicholas had been a coward... Your eyes were fixed on his face as he informed you of what had happened, but you couldn't see anything, you were gone with your mind. You would rather have gone out of this door to rage at Nicholas, to beat him until you were satisfied, but the anger that kindled in you burned only for you. Repentance had pulled your guts into an indissoluble knot. You could not talk, cry or eat. Your fever rose a few times, in the whole hours without any logic. They were the only moments when you could sleep a little. But the relief and the little bit of peace that you felt when you were unconscious left you behind as soon as you opened your eyes again in real life...

"Y/N, if you feel better tomorrow, let's organize a commemoration for Aiden.", Maggie informed you. She was bent on her knees, looking at you and gently stroking your face.

Your only answer was a faint nod. Maggie sighed, got up and left you alone. It was meant to be a symbolic funeral because Glenn and the others were unable to recover the body of Aiden. Maggie helped you get up off the couch, freshen up and dress. She accompanied you to the small cemetery near the walls, where the names of some missing persons had already been added to this steel monument. The people of Alexandria were gathered around the cross, which was planted on an empty pit. You were surrounded by your family, from whom you sensed that the worried look was directed at you everywhere. But your attention was on the other side of you. You watched as Deanna collapsed on the ground. The expression of this strong woman was full of pain, awakened by the cross of Aiden. The thought of how much he had contributed during those months to make Alexandria even safer made your heart tremble.  
Next to Spencer was Nicholas. If your eyes could kill him, that bastard would have fallen to the ground right now. He met your grim look and immediately looked down, like the cowardly worm he was. You stared again at Aiden's cross, while Father Gabriel's sermon was the only sound of that silence. You were touched by the faint idea of saying something to Deanna and explaining that you were sorry, but you did not have the strength. How could you comfort her? When the funeral ended, you went home in the midst of Maggie's weak protests. When you entered, you did not even take off your shoes. You ignored Maggie who had escorted you and dragged you up the stairs, slipped under the covers and closed your eyes. She tried to persuade you to come down, eat something, stay in company with your family, but you did not want to know about it. It was not hard to imagine why she was so worried about you and why she did not want to leave you alone. She was afraid you would fall back into a catatonic state that you had when you first arrived in the Prison. Well... She was wrong...

The pangs of conscience were so overwhelming that you would never have found the strength: It would have been disrespectful to Aiden, who had died because of you. It would have been too easy to give up everything and seal yourself off from this pain. You knew in your mind that sooner or later you could get up to shake off this apathy to see your pain and regret. But it was too early to react at all. Lying in the dark under the blanket filled you with relief. There you could pretend that you could not stand all this, you did not have to admit how much guilt you felt, you did not have to get up and face the fearful look of those who loved you. You could work out this situation in your own way or at least try it.

The hours began to stretch... At some point you went down to drink a glass of water and found the kitchen immersed in the cold dusk of the sunset. The room was deserted and silent: Maggie was gone and you were relieved. There was no point in staying there and you wanted to be alone anyway.  
So you took a bottle of water with you, forced yourself to wear something comfortable and buried yourself under the blanket again, lost in the oblivion of your mind. You fell asleep several times, but your sleep was disturbed by a nightmare of Aiden consumed in various ways by the living dead. When you were not sleeping, you kept your eyes fixed on an indeterminate point or locked them without resting. Many hours later, just before she entered your room, Maggie knocked on the door and gently asked you if you wanted to have breakfast. You opened your eyes and stared at her...

"Hey, Y/N...", she called and sat down on the edge of the mattress where you huddled and did not answer. She sighed: "Y/N, talk to me, don't keep everything up, I'm here, for you, we're all here for you.", she murmured, looking at you with a look of sadness.

You looked at her without moving even a centimeter. You struggled in every way to find the strength to speak: Not to tell her how you felt, but simply to assure her that she did not have to worry... But you couldn't. You did not feel able to speak, but maybe you could still find a way to answer so that she would understand you. With your eyes still bound to hers, you nodded. Her lips twisted into a slight smile and her eyes were filled with relief. She patted you and looked at you silently for a few moments.

"Y/N, you... It's not like in the Prison, is it?", she asked, trying not to sound too scared. Your gaze, without being able to control it, ran to your wrists resting on the pillow: You watched the scars that had remained as you fought Joe and his people to survive. You shook your head and continued to stare at the lines that marked your skin.

"Do you want me to stay, if you need me?"

Your shook your head again. "If you want to talk about it, you know where to find me.", she reminded you gently, getting up and moving away from you. Maggie opened the door and looked at you for a few moments before finally leaving. You hoped she would really respect your will and leave you alone. You did not need anything else. You had to understand how to overcome this void that you felt again and how to live with guilt. The pain you carried was immense, but you could not even get rid of it with a scream or a harsh reaction that finally linked you to the outside world. In that sense, what you went through was like the apathy you had tied up with the Claimers. But this time you had other reasons to survive... You would get up and defend your home to honor his memory. You just had to figure out how to do it. How to stop blaming you for his death and how to cope with pain. You managed to sleep a few hours in the afternoon, went to the bathroom, and drank some water to get some fluids. It was easier to do certain things when nobody looked at you. You still did not feel ready to face your family, you did not want everyone to focus on you. You did not feel ready to share your pain with them. But you felt freer in the intimacy and loneliness of your home. It also made you overcome the cold completely. Another day passed before the light in front of the window had no room for the melancholy colors of the evening...

You had just gone to bed after eating some dried fruits that you kept in the kitchen when you heard sounds from below. Someone knocked... Whoever it was, you hoped he stopped and walked away. As you started to think about who it might be, you felt the door open and close again. You usually shut it off, but this was just a matter of mind. Maybe Maggie, passing for some reason, had seen you in the kitchen. Maybe she thought you feel better if you had the strength to get up and eat. Nobody came to your mind. You felt a kind of anger that attracted you from the inside and thought of the possibility that she had not considered what you had told her. You did not want to talk, because you weren't better: What the hell did this person do in your house?

You heard footsteps coming up the stairs... This sound was so painful in the darkness of your room that for a second you were overwhelmed by the fear that it might be someone with bad intentions. You grabbed the knife that lay beside your food and rested on your bedside table. You took it and hid it under the pillow, driven by an irrational fear. When you heard a knock on the door of your room, you calmed down: If he had been an aggressor, he would have entered without hesitation. You sighed in relief before the feeling of annoyance returned.

"Damn it, fuck off Maggie!", you blurted in a voice that did not even sound like yours. All the time in silence, your vocal cords had tired. The sound coming from your lips was weak and slightly hoarse. Nevertheless, you did not receive an answer. You only noticed the beam of light coming from the doorway and had just lit the shadows in your room. Shortly afterwards the darkness returned and you heard the door close softly. You lifted your head from the pillow to stretch your neck out over the ceiling and to make sure Maggie was gone. However, you even recognized these features in the dark and you had a heavy emotion in your heart: Daryl watched you silently and stood beside the door he had just closed.

"'S me.", he answered softly and said the obvious now. You put your head back on the pillow and pulled up the blanket. Suddenly panic overcame you: What was he doing here? You did not want him to see you under those conditions, look at you, talk to you. You were ashamed too much. You were the weak woman again... The way he had always seen you; And you did not want to give him any further proof... It would have been a humiliation to show you in that state. But you heard his footsteps circling around your bed and felt his presence next to you, though there was this one blanket that separated you from Daryl and the outside world like a barrier.

"Y/N.", he shouted in a firm and serious voice. "Look at me, Y/N.", he said and you heard him pull the blanket over your head.

"Fuck you.", you muttered, squeezing your chin against your chest and covering your face with your hands as he laid the blanket over your shoulders, the emptiness inside you so great that you could not even see that Daryl had returned from his trip with Aaron and that he was fine.

"Go away, Daryl.", you whispered, without any strength and your face still hidden between your fingers.

"Forget it, ya' parasite.", he answered a little louder.

Maybe he hoped to arouse your anger by calling you that. He thought he would make you react, but in the end it was as if he had not opened his mouth. Maybe you could do the same with him. If you had infuriated him, he would probably have gone and left you alone...

You frowned, found his face and tried to sharpen your eyes as best you could. "Dixon, you know what? Shut up your damn mouth! Piss off and leave me the hell alone!", you said weakly, looking at him. Daryl did not turn a blind eye, nor did he disappear. He had sat at your height, his back against the wall behind you, one knee up to support his arm and face. He continued to stare at you with his illegible eyes that could also be noticed in the darkness. You expected him to get angry, insult you or go, but he did nothing. His eyes piercing your eyes scared you to death. He broke every barrier between you and the others, making you vulnerable. Still, you just could not look away.

"Go away, Daryl, please just go away..."

This time, a request came from your lips. You felt a knot close your throat and your eyes, still frozen, got wet. It immediately opened a pain in your chest, expanding into each of your cells, dispelling the void and making you feel everything. And that's because Daryl took care of you.

"Daryl...", you tried again, but his name stuck in your throat and turned into a desperate sob. He put a hand on the mattress and slowly took your hand. You jumped up and looked first at your clasped hands, then at him. He was there, with you. For you. That was the consciousness that made you collapse. Like a thousand other times, you felt safe in his presence. Protected. You could finally cry, face the pain, fight remorse and mostly only when he was by your side. The abyss you fell into... You finally saw it: It was there, a few paces away from you, but Daryl's firm hand came near you to keep you from falling.

You curled up even more, clinging to his hand and pressing your forehead against your tangle of hands. You burst into tears, with a sob that caused another pain in your chest. It was equally distressing and liberating when you finally burned the tears on your cheeks and moistened the pillow, the shock shook your cells, the suffering slipped out of you in part and was less. Daryl had saved you again... It was unbelievable that you had not been able to open up to Maggie or Michonne, as sweet and motherly as they were, but you did it with Daryl, who was certainly no master of this kind of tactics. Maybe it was his firmness that gave you the strength to finally set yourself free. He did not say a word, just kept your hand and did not loosen his grip. This situation had completely overwhelmed you: You cried until you were exhausted, still lying on Daryl's hand. With your chest, free of the torment, you managed to sleep deeply. You woke up a few hours later lying on your back. After the first fog, you opened your eyes and sat up alarmed. You looked around and found yourself in the stifling darkness of your room. You looked at your hand, which was free of Daryl's grip. He was no longer by your side, sitting on the floor next to your bed. Confused, you looked at the window: It was still dark outside. As you looked closer, you noticed that it was open. You wondered how you could not realize it before, when the cold night air came in... You shuddered, got up, went to the window and saw Daryl's silhouette, well arranged in one part of the room and immediately felt relieved: He still wasn't gone.

Before he realized you had woken up, you decided to go to the bathroom to refresh your face. You were surrounded by the silence of the night and, despite the situation, you were quieter with Daryl than before. You cleared your throat, hoping it would not be too loud. "What are you doing?", you asked in a whisper so as not to ruin the atmosphere as Daryl suddenly stood behind you and climbed out onto the roof. He did not answer at first, nor did he turn around even though he had heard you. He just stared at the emptiness in front of him as you waited anxiously for him to focus his attention on you. To be honest, you were intimidated to meet his gaze, now that you were clearer: He had seen you collapse and you had held your hands for a long time... You did not know what he thought of this whole story and the idea of finding it out intimidated you. He slowly turned to you and shrugged. "Was sittin' on yer fuckin' floor with my ass for several hours...", he answered with a slight smile and you could not help it, which surprised you and also smiled spontaneously. It was sincere, unexpected and did not necessarily have to reassure the person you were talking to. You felt your heart quickening its rhythm, more and more surprised by what Daryl could do to you without realizing it. Carefully, you climbed over the sill and crept slowly beside him.

"Go in when yer cold.", Daryl scolded, still looking at an undefined point.

"No, I'm fine.", you reassured him.

You sat in silence for a while in the dark and cool night. Daryl smoked his cigarette and threw it down on the ground with a quick movement of his hand. You remained silent, head down, lost in thought. For the first time, you could think of something other than your guilt. You wondered why Daryl had stayed and did not just leave when he realized you had fallen asleep. You wanted to ask him, but you did not want to argue that made him feel uncomfortable. Whatever his motivation was, you knew that you would hardly be aware of it. The most surprising thing was the incredible and sudden need to talk to him about how you felt. A strange tingling ran down your arms and hands as you felt a strange feeling inside you. You could not keep silent, otherwise you would have collapsed. In addition, you felt compelled to justify your recent behavior.

"It was my fault.", you confessed in a whisper and without realizing it, you came closer to him. Meanwhile, your shoulders touched.

You felt him turn to you and look at you. "What?", Daryl asked softly.

"Aiden."

"Don't say that.", he answered.

"It's the truth.", you protested wearily.

"No, it ain't. Glenn told me the truth: It's all the bastard's fault.", he replied, referring to Nicholas.

"Nicholas took my place.", you answered with more energy and turned to face him. "Aiden would still be alive if Nicholas had not taken part in this expedition, but me."

Daryl looked at you for a moment with his serious and unfathomable countenance. "Doesn't make sense.", he finally said.

You remained silent without answering immediately. You looked at his profile and felt stupid because you feared his reaction to your collapse. Daryl was not distinguished by delicacy, but he was not as insensitive as he wanted to believe. You thought about his words: Although they might seem like a premature conclusion, you realized that it was not. With cold minds, you also realized that you could go on to face anything he had told you, but it would not have been useful. The reality was there and didn't remove what happened. Whoever was to blame, Aiden is still dead.

"I know.", you nodded after a while. "I know, I can not blame myself for getting sick, I know that if Nicholas had not been a coward, it probably wouldn't have happened, I know that Aiden did his duty, like all of us, I know that he, like us, knew the risks involved in leaving the community, I know all these things, but-...", you interrupted, your throat tightening painfully and your eyes filling with tears. "...-yet I can not stop thinking that if I were in his place, he could still be alive."

The words came out in a whisper while a tear ran down your cheek. You looked down to hide from Daryl, quickly dried the tear and lifted your knees to your chest.

"Y/N, it worked the way it should, don't break yerself by blamin' yerself for somethin' that ain't yer fault.", he said in a soft tone that you had never heard before, since he was Aiden not particularly liked, but accepted... You raised your face and met his eyes as if they were looking for a way to hold you so as not to let you down. You lost yourself in his eyes, the fears and the pain dissolved. Often Daryl and you were physically far away, but with no other person, even if it was not family, you had ever felt so close.

When a new sob shook your chest, you just leaned over to him and put your head in the crook of his shoulder. Immediately you felt him stiffen as you stroked the skin of his neck with your forehead. You just had to feel him near you and you did not care that you did not use too many words or loving gestures. Tears kept running down your cheeks, but it was a quieter, serene pain than before. You were no longer overwhelmed with grief, but you were aware of what had happened to the person for whom you had shed those tears. You finally made room for suffering, accepted it and made it part of you again. As before...

"Are you cold?", you whispered in a confused attempt to offer him a part of your blanket.

"No.", he replied, but his voice seemed hoarse and his breathing more irregular than normal.

"Me neither...", you said, before putting your face back on his neck.

You wanted to stop time and stay like that forever, at that moment, just you both and away from it all. If you had the courage, you would have put your lips on his skin, you would have spoken openly, you would have asked him why he had stayed with you. You would have asked him what feelings hid behind so many of his gestures that you did not clearly understand, but right now it was fine the way it is. You wanted to wait to be clearer if you ever wanted to deal with the topic that you were always trying to avoid. You would have put the cards back on the table...

Daryl's embrace was so warm and inviting that at a certain point you appealed despite the unfavorable temperature. When he noticed it, he barely shook you and told you to go to sleep. Slightly sleepy, you walked away from him and rubbed your eyes, careful to keep your balance on the roof. He helped you to climb over the windowsill and went back to your room. You closed the window and saw him standing in the shallow light of your room and you felt that you should say something, but you could not find the words and you could not understand why. As much as you wanted to thank him, no sound came out of your mouth. You just limited yourself to supporting his gaze.

"I'll go.", Daryl said, interrupting the silence.

You felt your heart beating faster and an oppressive feeling of emptiness in your stomach: No, you did not want him to go away. If he does that, the nightmares would take over again, and guilt would keep you from sleeping again. You promised yourself that this would be the last night of apathy: You would have finally gotten up with the new day, but you would have needed it by you side to make it. It was a completely irrational thought, you knew it, but you could not help it.

"No!", you blurted out and immediately felt embarrassed by his perplexed look. So you took a deep breath and tried to control the crazy strokes of your heart. "Stay with me...", you whispered.

"Y/N...", he tried to protest.

"Please, just for tonight.", you whispered, forcing you to keep his eyes. You remained silent and only had your eyes to communicate. After a short while, which seemed endless, Daryl sighed heavily. You don't know what he read in your expression, but it convinced him. He murmured something, walked past you, and returned to where he had been sitting all those hours, on the floor beside your bed. You looked at him and stopped motionless.

"What's it now?", he asked impatiently.

You swallowed before you had the courage to speak. "It makes you uncomfortable to sit there..."

"Yer the one who wants me 'ere.", he said in a hostile manner, stretching his legs and crossing his arms over his chest.

"I don't want you sitting on the floor...", you hesitated.

"Decide at last!", he answered.

"You can sleep in bed with me...", you interrupted with a breath. You could not believe that you had really suggested it to him. Even Daryl couldn't understand the look on his face: He looked at you wide-eyed and with stiff shoulders. Despite the dim light, you noticed that he was cramping.

"Ya' didn' seriously suggest that, did ya'?", he asked harshly.

You frowned. "Why, what's wrong with that?", you replied, confused.

"Can't sleep by yer side."

You crossed your arms over your chest and were easily irritated. "We slept side by side when we escaped from the Prison.", you reminded him.

"Ain't the same.", he contradicted, his expression unreadable. He was nervous, almost embarrassed and he could not really hide it. His body spoke for him, his eyes were not necessary to understand him. You thought that behind his refusal was the same motive that had driven him to stay with you, hold your hand, come back to you, but that had the opposite effect.  
Daryl felt so unwell at the thought of sleeping by your side. Maybe because he could not stand you, but in that case he would not have bothered to come home to support you or stay at all. He took care of you...

"Please, Daryl...", you tried again and softened your tone. "All I need is for you to stay until I fall asleep, then you can go.", you explained.

He grunted and looked up: "Should've left when ya' asked me.", he mumbled, trying to straighten his neck. You noticed a big smile on your lips and your heart quickened. He would stay with you... A little embarrassed, you approached the edge of the bed, where you usually slept, sat down and threw the blanket at the end of the bed. You avoided looking at Daryl as he took off his boots and threw himself on the mattress without grace. You lay down under the covers, lay on your back and stared upwards. You then looked at him briefly and noticed that his back rested against the headboard.

"When you feel cold...", you started, but he interrupted you.

"Sleep.", he commanded, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning his head against the headboard, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. You felt a weird rush from head to toe and the feelings you felt towards him and you could not have faked anything for a long time, especially because a small part of you was convinced that Daryl knew it, but that he would try in every way to avoid the subject... He had his eyes closed and you watched his profile, the line of his chin, the fringe of his hair that covered his eyes, the muscles of his arms that poked out, you held your breath and tried to move without looking back as you approached him. When you were sure he was still closing his eyelids, you came even closer, you waited a few seconds to find the courage and ignored your heart, rolled against Daryl and dipped your face into his side.

"Y/N...", he warned you, but with less energy than before. You said nothing, just closed your eyes and ignored his protest. Surprisingly, he did not insist, nor did he leave you. He stayed calm and you wanted to see the expression on his face but did not want to move you one centimeter either. With the warmth of Daryl around you, you soon relaxed and fell asleep.

Beside your eyes, which opened in the early morning light, and for the first time in days, there was no sense of tightness in the chest, the first thing you felt and noticed was the heat from him beside you. His arm, which offered protection, was gently wrapped around your back.

Daryl wasn't gone.


	9. Chapter 9

Daryl's POV:

When I saw that Y/N was breathing more regularly and calmly, I realized that she had fallen asleep. In the faint light, I watched the relaxed features of her face and the strands of hair falling over her forehead and cheeks. It was the first time since that night, serene and relaxed, I had entered her house voluntarily. But I was not relaxed at all. I felt the uncontrollable desire to escape, but I could not move. And not only because her forehead was against me... She seemed to sleep so deeply that even if I moved, I would not have woken her. I wanted to leave to get some distance between her and me again. Every time I gave up and approached, I was less and less able to undo it later.  
In the weeks I'd taught her how to use weapons better, I could not help but notice her looking at me; How her voice trembled as I stood behind her to correct the posture of her arms, how her body stiffened near me; the bright smile she addressed to me in the morning as soon as she found me at the door of her house; from all the attention she has just reserved for me. I understood it when I realized that I had landed in a big mess. Y/N felt something for me... And I was still afraid to realize that there was a reason when my voice slowed down, when I corrected my posture and my lips were close to her ear; If her smile in the morning moved something in my chest; When her attention became a necessity.

On the one hand, the missions with Aaron gave me a little room to escape from these twisted and contradictory thoughts. Out there, I just had to focus on survival. But when the night came and the light snoring of Aaron was the background, I had to think all the time. I could not help but wonder if Y/N was okay. I could have forgotten her in every way, but in any case, she would have re-entered my life and my head with arrogance. That's how she was and I probably could not fully realize it. I could not understand her ability, the power she had on me... Y/N was too good to deliberately manipulate anyone. In fact, her eyes were so pure, as well as her damn openness and her friendly but sometimes freezing style.

Shit...

Even her self-pity could now make me stay. I raised the palm she had been holding for all these hours and watched her. Y/N was no longer the weak girl I met in prison, but despite her remarkable change, she was still unable to bear the burden of grief. I was annoyed to admit it, but with her strong guilt I had seen a part of me. I personally took responsibility for what had happened in the Prison. In this old hut she was the one who took my blame. Maybe we were more alike than I thought, even though admittedly it did not help getting away from her.

And now I'm here with her, helping her because of that damn Aiden... No one deserves to die except this asshole named Nicholas. Sooner or later I would have let him pay in one way or another.

As if my own inner torment touched her as well, Y/N jerked right next to me. I've never had her so close to me... Her body was warm, her chest raised and lowered regularly. My arm surrounded her, as if to save her from what she had been these days... Well, everything that happened to her, everything she hurt, everything she felt, was reflected in me again.

Shit...

Y/N's POV:

He stayed. He stayed here with you.

You could not think of anything but the joy of waking up next to him. And it was a step forward. You felt a frenzy rush into your veins and you forced yourself to stay still. Slowly you tried not to move too much and made no sound. You looked up and searched for his face. You owed him so much... Not only had he protected you, he wasn't limited to saving your life, but treating you as a normal person. You would have done anything to be able to, without fear of waking up or being rejected.

Whatever you had to handle that day, the day after, and all the days that followed, you would not have been afraid. Every painful thought had suddenly left you. But some sense of guilt had blocked you and made you doubt yourself. But it would have been enough to remind you of Daryl's face and his discreet but calming presence next to you to reassure you.

Nothing could really scare you, with Daryl Dixon at your side.

You noticed that he woke up as he let out a heavy sigh and his eyelids flickered. He moved slightly as you continued to watch him. You could not look away from him, you could not escape his presence. He blinked a few times with difficulty before opening his eyes. After letting his lost and sleepy eyes wander for a few seconds, he turned his attention to you. Your eyes met: You did not move and you looked at each other. His cobalt blue eyes were like a sea of silence, though not completely readable...  
You wanted to say something, but you were scared. Speech would have meant ending everything, returning to normal life and risking Daryl's disappearance. You would have liked to know what went through his head, but it was impossible to find out what he was thinking.

"Do I've somethin' on my face?", Daryl murmured annoyed and broke the silence. That he seized the initiative hit you completely unprepared. "No...", you stammered, shaking your head.

"Then stop starin' at me.", he ordered flatly and looked up at the ceiling. Why did he treat you like that, but did not show the slightest intention to move away from you? You crouched against him and looked away without saying anything. His hand and his arm still rested gently on your back, the way he behaved was strange, it was new, he had never done it before, was it enough what had happened the night before to change everything? Immediately you forced yourself to keep your feet on the ground, but it was difficult to control the swirling of emotions and fantasies that made your heart tremble.  
You were afraid to think about it, but maybe you both really had taken a step forward...

"Daryl?", you called, and for the first time in such a situation, you did not need to take a deep breath before you spoke, but you did not look him in the face, you stayed where you were.

"What?"

"I know that I repeat myself, but... Thank you, I wouldn't have had the strength to come out of this bed again if you were not around, I owe you so much...", you said thankful and gentle.

"Ya' ain't gotten up yet.", he said.

You did not understand whether you were indignant at the fact that he had ignored your thanks or amused himself about his irreducible sarcasm...

So you got up suddenly and turned to him to give him an annoyed look. "Fuck off!", you blurted out, trying not to laugh.  
He rolled his eyes, snorted and sat up. It was as if you had not even touched him. He ignored you again and you looked at his vest with the angel wings, more and more convinced that it had been made especially for him. Because that was Daryl for you... You tried to dispel those thoughts as you climbed out of the warm bed.

"How long 've ya' not eaten anythin'?", he suddenly asked sternly. You turned and looked at him sheepishly. "Since yesterday."

He looked up. "C'mon 'nd 've breakfast with the others.", he ordered and opened the door of your room. He even nodded, just to be more eloquent.

Although Maggie had assured you that your whole family was there for you, you felt very embarrassed by the thought of getting back together. You knew it was an unfounded paranoia.

"What's wrong?", Daryl asked, his hand still holding the door open and you looked down. "I don't know if I'm ready for it."

He grunted. "Ya' jus' sound like yer a Dixon, 'nd I don' need a fuckin' copy of me!"

Despite the imperious tone of Daryl, who was authoritarian and did not allow answers, you laughed. You had never seen him making fun of himself before. Thinking that he might have done it to lift your spirits warmed you to an indeterminate place in your chest. You were so lucky to have him next to you...  
So you stretched and stood up again with difficulty. "I doubt I'll ever be that successful!", you said.

Daryl smiled arrogantly. "In fact, it's a valuable merit."

"Of course Daryl, of course."

He nodded again, still heading for the door. "C'mon, they're waitin' for us."

You spread your arms in an angry gesture. "I still have to dress!"

"Then get dressed, 'nd hurry!"

You got up, watched him silently, folded your arms across your chest, and began to stare hard at him, without saying a word.

"What's that 'bout?", Daryl asked confused and rather annoyed.

"I have to get dressed.", you repeated.

"Ya' already said that!", he snapped impatiently.

"Daryl, dammit, I have to change, or do you want to fucking watch!", you interrupted, raising your voice in a tone of desperation.

His expression changed at an unprecedented rate. He almost blanched and his features melted into an embarrassed expression, his eyes wide open and they did not know where to look. He stammered something unintelligibly in a low voice, pulling the door with him and closing it aloud. You tried not to laugh too loud and think about his expression. Daryl was a strong man: So hard to kill, but so easy to shame... There were two sides of him that in their coexistence made you feel tenderness to him.  
When you came out of your room, he leaned against the wall in front of you, his arms crossed. Every single shadow of embarrassment had left his face, though you were sure they were hidden behind the unreadable mask. You acted as if nothing had happened...

"I'm ready.", you announced without much conviction.

Daryl nodded and walked down the stairs. You followed him as you felt your heart quicken its rhythm: Fear began to penetrate you. Every step that took place brought you back to a daily life that you had avoided for the time being. The fact that this short time was over had startled you. With Maggie, Rick or Michonne it was not like with Daryl: If you had been silent, with the lost look in the company of Daryl, you would not have cared. With the others, you would have to calm down and maybe smile from time to time.

"Everyone's waitin' for ya'.", Daryl said at a certain point, without turning around.

You stopped halfway up the stairs as his words filled the space between you. Again he had tried to calm you down in a hidden and rather intricate way. And when you imagined seeing the others again, talking to them again and rejoining the community, with Daryl at your side, that was a scenario you could bear more readily. Your lips parted, smiling, though he could not see it, for he still had his back turned to you.

When you put on your jacket, Daryl opened the door. Your house, which had been your refuge in those days, was lit by the morning light that fell through the windows. Getting out in the sunlight, feeling the cool breeze on your face and breathing in the fresh air made you feel better immediately. The pain of this terrible grief had not left you, but now you could stand it a little better. It was much better than in bed, in the dark. You walked along the route that separated you from the two large houses side by side, as you had done so many times before. It had become a normal thing now, something between you.

"You should still take a shower or a bath.", you said suddenly, as if the idea had surprised you too.

"There we're again...", Daryl grunted, his annoyed expression making you smile. He assimilated the information but did not answer, your heart beating faster again and a sense of heaviness penetrating your chest, you were nervous and he walked past you and climbed onto the porch, realizing that all your paranoia about how the others would behave was contradictory. Your family was happy to see you again, they treated you normally, Carol gave you one of her Cookies and you all laughed when Carl made a joke. You felt that despite everything, you returned to normality. Even Maggie and Michonne had stopped looking at you with concern as if you could have collapsed before them at any moment.  
As you sat at this table trying to get used to living outside of your grief, you noticed that Daryl had not participated. You did not realize it until that moment, because before that you had been overwhelmed by the attention of others. You looked around and noticed that he was sitting at the window seat as usual, looking outside. Maybe he tried to keep distance between you. Perhaps he was afraid that the others who saw you coming together were asking questions. Your guess was interrupted when Daryl turned and his gaze met yours. At that moment, you did not think about anything else. Your head was filled with a single thought that Daryl could read in your eyes as well.

Gratitude.


	10. Chapter 10

Several thoughts passed through your mind as you walked through the streets of the community to reach the small cemetery you had erected near the walls. Although you knew that Aiden would never reappear, you still felt better and put a flower on his grave. You arrived at your destination and immediately noticed the slender figure of Deanna standing in front of Aiden's grave. It certainly was her, along with Spencer, who was the most affected by what happened. You looked at her face as you approached, her expression was blank. At that moment, she was not like the strong and determined leader. It was probably the first time she had lost someone she loved ever since the world had fallen apart.

"Deanna...", you called her gently and put a hand on her shoulder. She seemed to recover from the void in her eyes and looked at you; Her expression was so lost that for a moment you feared she would not recognize you. "Y/N... Hello..."

"How do you feel?", you asked her almost anxiously, not sure how to act, Deanna nodded absently, turned her attention away from you and looked at the wooden cross in front of her, and you also looked down and leaned forward to gently lower the flowers nearby.

"I'm so sorry...", you whispered, but she did not say anything for a while and then turned to you. Deanna had met your eyes and a bitter smile played around her lips.

"Deanna...", you urged as you tried to control your voice and the woman exhaled in resignation and crossed her arms over her chest, seeming to waver, one arm raised and her lips resting on her knuckles as she tried to figure out how to express herself. 

"Nicholas was there and... He told me reasons...", she admitted, while you were trying to hide the anger that was building inside of you and convincing you that you did not say anything to lose your temper.

"Maybe it's better to talk about it somewhere else...", you suggested, trying to keep a controlled tone in your voice. Then you went to her house, the camera was on and showed a picture: The screen that was showing an image of Nicholas, was turned in your direction and you tried to pay the greatest attention to the look and the way Nicholas spoke in this video. He seemed uncomfortable to talk and tell...

"Aiden tried to save us from some Walkers, he shot at them. Then I diverted Glenn so that he wouldn't go into danger... They wanted to leave, not me. I wouldn't have left him there...", Nicholas said in the video. You pressed the pause button with a furious gesture to stop the video.

"He's lying!", you blurted out, unable to avert your gaze from the face of this asshole. "Glenn told me otherwise. That's all lies, Deanna, Glenn would never leave anyone behind!" You pressed your lips together, trying to calm down and continued the video.

"And then?", Deanna's voice asked in the recording.

"I didn't leave him there!", Nicholas declared with false-sounding loyalty to his tone.

"Sure, what exactly happened?"

"When we arrived at the entrance, he knocked on the glass and pushed the door open...", Nicholas went on, referring to Glenn, but you knew the truth and he was like talking to himself in the third person. "They would have killed me, we were already about to die. If he didn't care, and if I hadn't refused the door, he would have died too, it was his fault, it was him."

Nicholas, who was really in trouble at the time, was disturbed by Spencer's interruption, who asked his mother what she was doing, but Nicholas got more and more irritated: "What do you want? I told you how it went! These new people have to leave, they are not like us, they are the problem, I know it and you know it too!"

"You don't know what I know, Nicholas and I recognize many things."

At this point, the video stopped...

"I... I don't understand, Deanna."

She looked at you without saying anything, as if she were asking you to keep going.

"It's like you blame Glenn and the others in my group for Aiden's death! By the way, you responded to Nicholas, but then you realize that Spencer is also shamelessly lying to protect Nicholas!"

She looked down, but she had no time to hide the agony that lay in it. "Nothing is clear to me, Y/N."

"What do you know then?", you urged. "Glenn was there too, with them, did you ask him your questions?"

"No, Y/N, I have not asked for Glenn's version yet.", she replied, looking lost.  
You were surprised that a woman who was so practical and always attentive to every nuance of the story had not thought to question the counterpart to this version. Maybe she did not want to face the truth, she did not want to realize that her son had died because of one of her own people. It was only then that you realized how much influence Spencer had on her; You suddenly saw her so different from the Deanna that you had met back then.

"Now I understand why you still have doubts.", you said in a monotone voice. "If you had asked to ask for Glenn's version of the story, you wouldn't have done it, he tried to help Aiden, you know, it's not like Nicholas said, in fact, it was he who first got your son left, Glenn tried to help him to the last minute, Aiden died because that son of a bitch named Nicholas ran away! He wanted to attack Glenn because he was supposed to wait for Spencer and him to return and wanted to get away with the car instead!"

Deanna sighed, resting her elbows on her legs, rubbing her temples as if it would help to process all this information. You tried to make the notes sound a bit softer: "Deanna, there was always a great clarity between us from the first moment we met. And from the first time I know these people, my people: If I trust Glenn that he says the truth, why can't you trust me?"

She looked at you and her lips formed to a thin line. "I trust you, Y/N, I know how Nicholas is and of course what Glenn says is much more likely, but can you really guarantee that for all the people in your group?"

Her question left you in shock for a few moments and you frowned. "In what sense?"

"Can you really say that none of them are dangerous?", she asked, but from the tone in which she pronounced the question, she already seemed to have found her own answer.

"Explain it to me.", you urged her and suddenly felt tense.

She paused for a moment before speaking again: "I'm talking about your leader. Rick Grimes."

"What did Rick do wrong?", you asked, trying to hold back the grudge and control your voice.

"Not yet, but maybe soon, Y/N... He has some methods that are not like my methods, he can't come to me and tell me that we can decide who dies when and who should do what and when. And there is someone in our community who doesn't agree at all."

"Who?", you asked, but you recognized the answer as soon as you finished the question.

"Pete Anderson."

You nodded and found confirmation in her words. Michonne had brought you up to date when you were absent; She had told you that Carol and Rick had heard that Jessie and her children had been beaten by Pete and that they'd made Deanna aware of Rick's intentions. Rick was increasingly against the thinking that prevailed in this community, more and more convinced that those who lived in Alexandria had no idea how much the world had changed and what laws they governed... And you could understand it.

"I can't tolerate such uncivilized pleas.", Deanna muttered. A wave of irritation made you shiver on the sofa. "Because it's a civil issue to let a man beat his wife and children, or what?"

Deanna frowned at you. "Do you agree with Rick?"

"It's a tricky business."

"It would be enough just to exile Pete...", Deanna said, trying to lull her tone more gently. "But Rick says he could come back and be a threat again. Personally, however, I believe that it is enough to leave Pete outside the walls and leave him alone. I don't think he could survive..."

"What if he can survive and what if he wants to get revenge on Rick?", you asked worriedly. "Jessie and the boys would be in danger again, and I already knew the Anderson situation before Rick and the rest of my family arrived here. Jessie told me."

Deanna sighed, got up and stopped to look out of the window. Again with one arm under her chest and the other on the top while touching her lips with her fingertips, visibly worried.

"Is it always so difficult to do the right thing out there?", she asked tiredly.

You thought about it for a few seconds and stared down. "The world outside the walls has changed, it took me so long to accept it, and if you know me a little, you know it's true, not only the Walkers are a danger to our community. Also survivors like Pete are dangerous in this world, we can not allow it to be within the walls that protect us, and this new world needs Rick Grimes."

"So we have to kill Pete...", she said uncertainly.

You shook your head, "I think at the moment it's really important to get Jessie and her children to safety, then you can think about the rest, we need to make sure they do not live under the same roof anymore."

Deanna nodded worriedly. "It will not be easy... Pete will not accept all that."

You got up and approached her: "He'll accept it, he has to accept it." You smiled at her, tried to give her courage and put a hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to do it alone Deanna, Rick can help you, just trust me."

She returned and gratefully stroked your forearm. You were about to say something as the front door swung open and Spencer peered into the room.

"Mom!", he called. He was excited, his expression filled with fear and urgency. Deanna did not ask questions and followed him, her expression suddenly changing. You were all out of the house when you felt your stomach clench with worry: What was waiting for you there? A Walker who had managed to escape the lookout? A group that attacks you?

When you stopped, time seemed to slow down for a moment: At first you realized that you were in front of the Anderson House, then there was a group of people watching something or better, somebody. The last thing you noticed was Daryl's vest before you moved forward and noticed that Rick was lying on the ground fighting with Pete. At that moment, in general dismay, Jessie threw herself on her husband, who was sitting on Rick trying to free himself from the grip. The woman tried to hold him by the shoulders, with the sole result that she was knocked down by Pete when he hit her straight in the face. You did not think about it and hurried to her aid. Daryl stepped between you and the two men, wrapping your shoulders around Jessie's arm to help her. As you were on your feet, your eyes followed feverishly the melee: You saw Rick with his bloodied face and Michonne pushed Carl to the side. His arm slipped around Pete's neck like a snake to choke him. The sheriff's back was stiff and his whole body was cramped.

Everything you and Deanna talked about became tragically real.

"Enough! Stop it!", she intervened forcefully.

Rick hissed something in Pete's ear and completely ignored the woman, who said: "Damn it, I told you to stop!" Spencer and other community members began to approach the sheriff with the intention of separating them, but they took a few steps back when they saw Rick aiming a revolver at them.

"What do you want to do, banish me?", he provoked. His arm was still outstretched, going from right to left, pointing the gun at everyone in front of him, like the needle of an ejecting compass... You shut up wide-eyed and could not believe what Rick was doing. You searched for Daryl's eyes, but they were fixed on Rick, his jaw clenched and his shoulders stiff. He seemed ready to shoot with his crossbow, in case Rick wanted to take some too risky moves.

"Put the gun down, Rick!", Deanna ordered again, her tone low but firm. He was swinging on his knees, his back bowed, shoulders raised and lowered due to shortness of breath.

"You still don't understand that!", he gasped, continuing to wave his gun feverishly. "None of you understands it! We know what we have to do and you don't do anything! We are the ones who survive! You? You're just sitting here designing any plans without the slightest idea!", he continued, without concealing the deep contempt that his vision of Alexandria showed. You noticed from Deanna's face that Rick looked straight into her eyes, as if that speech were only addressed to her. "You pretend to know everything, but it's not like that! You want things to be not what they are... Do you want to live? Do you want this place to be safe? Your way of dealing with things has failed! Things don't improve just because you wish them to improve! From now on you have to live in the real world!"

To your surprise, Deanna managed to answer: "This concept is now more than ever clear to me."

"You mean me, are you talking to me?", Rick asked, laughing sneeringly. Then he stiffened again: "Your methods will destroy this place!", he hissed and finally shouted: "They will kill people and have already killed! And I will not stay here to let it happen! If you don't fight, you die!"

The biggest moment in the sheriff's monologue was abruptly interrupted by the blow Michonne missed on the back of his head. Rick fell unconscious, and Michonne immediately took advantage to pick up the revolver. Out of breath, she looked at the man she loved and who was now knocked out. Then she looked at Deanna. At that moment, the tension that floated among those present could have been severed with a knife. Everyone exchanged glances, nobody knew what to say and some looked down at Rick. It reminded of the silence of the morning after a stormy night...

"Isolation. Immediately.", Deanna said, still shaken and breaking the silence.

Spencer leaned forward to lift Rick's body, assisted by Michonne, Abraham, and Glenn. Jessie walked away from you, passed Daryl, who had not moved an inch. Other men from Alexandria helped Pete to get up; As soon as he stood, he shook Jessie off with an angry gesture, probably due to the fact that she had not stayed to help him.

"Mister Anderson, from now on you will get another house.", Deanna said. "You have until sunset to get your things together." The man growled something, returned to the house and slammed the door shut behind him.

"He should be treated medically.", you said and for a second, you forgot what kind of man he was.

"Are ya' crazy?", Daryl suddenly smapped, grabbed your shoulder and forced you to turn in his direction. "Yer ain't goin' in there!"

When you turned around, you found his face not far away from you, along with his body, which was completely focused on you. As if to make sure you did not go and understood what he had just told you. You ignored the shudder that this sudden closeness brought you and turned your gaze back to the Anderson House; More to keep control. In fact, you were surprised that he had ventured such contact in front of other people, even if some, disturbed, had returned to their homes. As if he could read your mind, his eyes shot over your shoulder and he left you immediately, as if he had burned himself in contact with you.

"Yes, sure...", you answered.

"Go back to your houses!", Deanna ordered, crossing her arms grimly under her breasts.

"And that's it?", Nicholas snapped, not far from you: "This madman has threatened us with a weapon and your solution is to send us all to our homes? These people have to be kicked out immediately!"

After what happened to him about Aiden, you could not even look at him. You were so disgusted to hear the sound of his voice and the murmur of other people in the audience made you boil. Instead of answering, you started counting up to ten in your head; There was no reason to unleash another stupid conflict. The situation was pretty tense after all.

1

2

3

"It's not up to you to decide, Nicholas. We will all live together as a community. And we'll talk about what happened."

"Do you really want to wait for them to kill someone?"

4

5

6

You arrived at 7 in your head. Aiden was dead because of him. Was it his disgust to kill one of your friends and even dare say that? Your hands began to shake uncontrollably and the rage vibrated from your hair tip to your feet.

8

9

10

In the three seconds that separated you from the point of return, you gathered all the hatred, pain, and anger that you felt against him. You were sure that by the time you were about counting to ten, you would explode like a grenade: You felt like you were losing control, you were ready to fire and instead something else happened. The insults were stuck in your throat as you watched Daryl pass by like a hurricane and hit Nicholas straight in his face.

"Daryl!", you called in alarm, in the midst of the terrifying and surprised faces of the people present. He forced Nicholas to the ground, grabbed him by the head and rammed him down. His hair fell into his face, so you could not see what expression he had at that moment, but you could imagine.

"Shut yer fuckin' mouth, ya' damn son of a bitch!"

"Daryl, stop!", you called, trying to grab him by the shoulders.

"You still defend your girl, right? As you did as she was near Aiden!", Nicholas spat, and as near as you were, you could hear him, though he had almost whispered, like the coward he was. It was not long before you understood that he was referring to the evening of the party and Aiden must have told him the abrupt way in which Daryl had attacked him to take care of you personally. To the most mischievous conclusion Daryl took a deep breath, gasped in rage and raised his fist again, ready to beat his face again. And the fact that Daryl was now less secure in the face of Nicholas grip allowed him to free his right arm and return the blow he had been knocked down with, Daryl avoiding him by a hair's breadth.

"Separate them!", Deanna ordered.

"Enough now!", you hissed into Daryl's ear, holding him by the vest and trying to block him. "He's not worth it!"  
His accelerated breathing returned gradually as he continued to hold Nicholas on the ground. "Enough, Daryl, just leave it."

With a heavy snort, followed by contempt, he listened to you and rose from the floor. He picked up his crossbow and walked away from Nicholas, while he continued to look at him and smiled sardonically. Daryl passed you without saying a word; You looked at Deanna as if to reassure her that everything was alright.

When you were far enough away from the others, you joined him, "Are you okay?", you asked, laying a hand on his shoulder. But he shook her off and went with his heavy step into the clinic. He was visibly impaired and you told yourself that he only needed time. You forced yourself not to insist and let go of the fact that you openly ignored it. So you sighed and gathered all the patience that was available to you so as not to be irritated by the gruff attitude.

"You can sit on the table...", you invited him in. Daryl avoided your gaze, but he listened to you and awkwardly settled in. Fortunately, for whatever reason, neither Denise nor Tara were there, so you could take care of Daryl, who had also gotten quite a bit of the fight. You went to the medicine cabinet and took out the disinfectant and a clean swab of pressed cotton. Daryl lay comfortably on the table and you were aware of how close you would have been to him, you had to position yourself in front of him and approach him to better see the wound on his eyebrow. You felt his eyes on you, so you coughed nervously and focused your gaze on the spot where his eyebrow was marked by this bright red cut.

"Does it hurt?", you asked in a trembling voice.

"No."

You've never been so close to his face. It would have been easy to lean forward to get what you wanted. You swallowed hard as your gaze left his lips and you focused back on the wound. The tension you had previously felt in Rick's scene was nothing compared to the one that made your head spin right now. You did not know what you did and where the courage came from. You knew that it would be impossible to hold your enthusiasm and feelings back even longer. The beating of your heart throbbed in your ears... All the chaos that had been thrown into the streets of Alexandria and the moods that had settled in you erased themselves in a moment. But you did not care... Daryl could really do anything to bring you back to reality: Any expedient, more or less direct action would have been enough to stop this situation, which could bring you to the point where there is no turning back. Only he, who was usually the one who tried to put distance between you, remained motionless like an animal in the face of danger.  
As a kid, you challenged fate with stupid bets, like, 'If the next song that happens to the playlist I don't like, I'll start doing my homework.', or, 'If he doesn't write to me in five minutes, I'll write to him.'

If Daryl doesn't say anything in the next ten seconds, you'll do it.

1

2

Please stay quiet Daryl...

3

4

5

Why has it become so difficult to breathe?

6

7

8

...

When the door swung open, you jumped up and pulled away from Daryl with a jerk. Disoriented, you turned to the entrance of the clinic while Rosita entered. She had Glenn with her. You looked at their faces: They did not seem to notice.

"There is a big problem guys.", your friend greeted you when he looked at Rosita. Although he had given you a smile, his eyes betrayed concern.

"Hello...", you stammered, trying to control your voice. "Do you need something?"

"We're here to get some plaster to treat Rick.", Rosita answered, passing you to rummage through the locker. Then she stopped and turned to you, her expression perplexed as her eyes fell on Daryl's face.

At the same time Glenn asked: "What happened to you?"

"Nicholas.", was his cold-sounding answer.

"When you went with Rick, he urged Deanna to banish us all.", you added in a serious voice, even to justify the fact that Daryl had beaten him, and Glenn pressed his lips together and sighed. "Nicholas should learn to shut up."

"Got it.", Rosita announced when she found the plasters.

"How's Rick?", you asked Glenn anxiously.

"He's still unconscious, he'll stay in a cell in Alexandria, at least for tonight, Deanna wants it that way."

You nodded, looked down and felt great bitterness in you. When your family entered these walls, you never thought it's possible for you to come to such a situation. "Deanna wants to talk about what happened, with all...", you informed him.

"Yes, she told us, Maggie would just as well talk to the other residents of Alexandria... To have a good word."

"These people 're too stupid to learn or understan'!", Daryl put in.

"They're scared, they don't know what Rick's been experiencing, probably a man who is pointing guns at other people is the most shocking thing they've ever seen here."

He did not answer and looked away with a snort. So you turned back to Glenn. "Tell Maggie, I'll help her tomorrow and talk to the others, I know you and I know her, and I know that a sensible living together is possible."

"We all count on you, Y/N."

"I will try everything possible, I promise."

"I know.", Glenn nodded, smiling, and he turned to leave, but before saying goodbye, he said: "We'll go and leave you two better alone again..."

And so he closed the door behind him as the echo of those words hovered in a mocking tone in the room... You decided not to share your embarrassing doubts with Daryl.

"Come on, sit down so I can finally disinfect your wound.", you urged him, avoiding his gaze and nervously picking up swabs and disinfectants.

"Already healed by 'self.", he provoked you.

"Very funny, Dixon."

When the cotton patch was sufficiently soaked with disinfectant, you carefully dabbed it on the wound. Daryl frowned at the light breeze and jumped up imperceptibly.

"Fuck!", he answered harshly.

"Is it better?", you asked him and he nodded without saying a word.

You then went to the cell where they had Rick locked up. You saw Carl and Michonne watching over him while he was sleeping on the mattress. His relaxed face was dotted with white strips of plasters.  
Alexandria's cells were uninhabited basements where the various sections were separated by iron gates that reminded you of the main gate. Carl sat on the only available chair, while Michonne stood at his side, leaning against the wall, her arms crossed. When Daryl and you entered, they said nothing, but both continued to scowl at Rick. You approached Carl and put a hand on his shoulder: "How are you?"

"Obviously better than my dad."

As a gesture of comfort, you rubbed your hand against his back. "They will not banish your father, they trust me, they know me, and I will not let them, everything will be fine."

Carl nodded, but was by no means convinced.

"It will be difficult tomorrow at the meeting.", Michonne said, and you tried to smile encouragingly. "There are worse things and we have always made good progress, they are upset but they will understand, we will find a way to work together and live together in peace."

"And if they will not understand it?"

"At this point, we have to trust Deanna. She will make the final decision and in the end we must try to convince her." Michonne looked at you with her big eyes and then looked back at the sheriff: "That doesn't mean that the problem with Rick is solved. He could do it again."

"All we have to do is show him that the people of Alexandria can continue to learn to defend themselves.", you replied, leaning toward her. "I know you and I know them, I know that's possible, they just have to keep training."

Michonne looked at you again and tried to show a smile. "I know...", she replied in the voice of someone who did not believe it at all. You felt your shoulders sink and sighed. Daryl and you stayed a little longer until Michonne decided it was time for Carl to go home. Despite the protests, you managed to drag Daryl with you, prepare the dinner, and then helped Carl to put Judith to bed. Daryl stayed with you and tried to cheer up Carl. At some point you saw him sitting with Carl on the porch. The door was ajar, and from the little bit you could hear, you realized that Daryl wanted to take him aside to give him some encouragement; You smiled toward the entrance and walked up the stairs with Judith in your arms. After Carl had said good night, Daryl and you found each other alone on the porch. You had decided to wait until he finished smoking his cigarette, and then you returned to your house.

"How do you think it will go out tomorrow?", you asked, breaking the silence.

"Fucked up.", he said, inhaling the smoke.

"I thought you wanted to give this place a chance, so didn't you refuse the weapons of Rick and Carol?"

He was silent for a moment without looking at you. "Yeah, but that doesn' mean that I believe these people know how to defen' 'emselves."

"They just have to learn.", you said. "You could teach them as well."

Daryl turned to you with an almost scandalized expression on his face. "I don' even think 'bout it!"

"But you're really good at teaching.", you said, softening your tone.

"Yer an incompetent parasite."

You gave a cry of indignation and slapped his arm. "How dare you!"

"The truth hurts.", he said bluntly and went on to smoke his cigarette. By now you were up, chuckling while you were already down the stairs. "Y/N!", he shouted to you and you turned around. "What?", you asked roughly.

"How ya' think tomorrow will end?", he asked you with a look that pierced you. You tried to stay clear, think about it for a few seconds and looked away. Then your eyes found his again and a hopeful smile opened on your lips.

"Everything will be fine.", you replied with conviction and Daryl waited a few seconds to seek confirmation in your eyes, then pulled one corner of his mouth upwards.

"I know."


	11. Chapter 11

The optimism you had tried to convey to yourself and Daryl seemed to have left you the next morning when you woke up. In fact, you lifted your head off the pillow with a depressing sense of fear that seized you. You sat on the edge of the bed as soon as you slipped out of the blanket and stared out the window with a bad feeling. You shook your head, trying to dispel the discomfort, and stood up to deal with the usual morning routine.

After breakfast you left your house to go see Maggie and Glenn. You were still ready to help her talk to the people of Alexandria to convince them that Rick did not deserve the exile.

Rick... You wondered if he had recovered...

"Wow, we can even find each other without a personal agreement!"

You shook yourself out of your thoughts as you saw Maggie come down the porch steps and joined you. In fact, you had not agreed with her the previous day and you just told Glenn. So you smiled at her: "That's no surprise."

"I'm surprised that you're already awake, I just wanted to go home to you, convinced to pull you out of bed!", she teased laughing. You shrugged and went for a walk beside her. "Nevertheless, I didn't sleep well."

Maggie frowned at you. "Are you worried?"

You nodded uncertainly. "And you?"

"I didn't think that Rick would have taken that direction and that the situation with Pete would have been so fast."

You shook your head. "Don't worry."

Maggie crossed her lips to a sad smile. "Okay...", she answered and stroked your cheek with a fleeting gesture.

You changed the subject quickly. "Anyway, they've moved Pete to another house."

"Yeah, Glenn told me, and now we have to deal with the most difficult question."

"True...", you said and felt pretty stupid.

Maggie sighed. "I said I would talk to the residents, but I don't know how much it will help."

You looked down and kicked a stone with the toe of your boot as you silently walked your way. You did not understand why, but it seemed like you were breathing another air this morning. As if all the tension that had exploded the previous day had contaminated the air around you, there was a strange, tense atmosphere. Everything was the same and yet incredibly different.

"We have to talk to Deanna first."

Maggie nudged you. "I think about what to say to sound convincing..."

Only then did you realize that you both had begun to walk aimlessly, absorbed as you were. You chuckled and shook your head as you drew her attention. "We will not arrive then."

Maggie frowned, so you hurried to reassure her. "I'm kidding, just think of the coincidences, Deanna and I were just talking about Pete and Rick when it happened yesterday..."

She nodded: "Let's say it was no surprise to some of us."

"I'm just afraid to find out how they're thinking right now... Yesterday she was worried about Rick's impatience and you know that we need her support to make him stay, but I'm not sure anymore at this point..."

Maggie stopped and put a hand on your shoulder to encourage you. "We'll be able to convince Deanna, she also knows that Alexandria needs us as well."

You frowned, thinking that you had given others the courage the day before, while this morning was harder than usual. But the tensions between your family and the people who had taken you in when Aiden and you were alone were reflected in you, making you feel split in two...

You arrived at Deanna's house and Spencer greeted you both and let you wait in the living room while he searched for Deanna. You noticed that Maggie stared out the window with a grim look. As you leaned forward to see, you understood why: Father Gabriel was outside. Maggie had mistakenly heard a conversation between the priest and Deanna, who has warned that you were dangerous and that they should not trust you. You had seen him suspicious since then; in fact, it hurt you that a man of faith could be so pejorative with people who had saved him.

Spencer sent you to the room where Deanna was waiting for you. As soon as he left, she spoke and skipped any kind of courtesy. You had never seen her so serious.

"What do you want to talk about?", Deanna asked. Maggie immediately took command of the conversation from her hands. Maybe she had seen you too worried to allow you to mediate again. "About the meeting today."

"I want to parry with everyone about what happened and what we need to do.", Deanna replied immediately.

Maggie kept a serious expression. "If this meeting banishes Rick, it will not work."

"Tell me what you mean exactly.", the woman replied, raising an eyebrow.

"You talked to us, you decided, and now you want to entrust this decision to some frightened people who don't even know the whole story.", Maggie continued, pausing before she spoke again, "He's not a dictator."

Deanna had heard everything without saying a word. Spencer intervened and tried to reassure you by saying that the date scheduled for that day was just a meeting to gather everyone's opinions.

"And I will make the final decision as I always have.", Deanna shrugged.

"He was just frustrated, he saw so many bad things, he lost so many things, we all lost something and done something bad."

Deanna answered in a broken voice. "We also lost many things..."

Maggie looked at her for a moment, just like you and Spencer, before confidently saying: "We've lost more."

At this point, Deanna began to fidget. "Rick has pointed the gun on innocent people!"

Maggie remained unmoved. "He didn't pull the trigger.", she said and you looked at her.

"And we ought to rely on that?", the woman cried, staring into your eyes as if looking for support, maybe she thought you would not speak because you actually agreed with her.

"Yes.", you replied in Maggie's name.

"Y/N, you should know how things work here."

"I know how they run, and if you knew, Deanna, believe me, you wouldn't be so upset if one man aimed a weapon at another, outside the walls it's perfectly normal. And you know what? I would be afraid if someone outside these walls would come at me with open arms and not a gun in his hand.", you answered trying not to be overwhelmed by emotions.

"Outside is outside, but here we try to maintain a certain civilization, and those who live here need to feel safe!"

"Safety is the most important thing for Rick. He was just frustrated.", you responded warmly and picked up Maggie's words again. "We need Rick here. You know it. If you don't want to trust Maggie or someone who has been here recently, trust me at least. You're welcome."

Deanna looked at you for a few moments, with a contrite expression and her eyes that were the mirror of her inner conflict. "Well... I'll do what I have to do.", she murmured in a monotone voice.

You heard Maggie break out in frustration behind you and saw her run down the stairs like a flash and leave. Before you could reach her when you were on the last step, Spencer grabbed your arm and you immediately turned around.

"Y/N, I'm going to talk to you, I'm going to talk to everyone tonight, we have to stop running and finally live together if we want to maintain some civilization!", he assured you, quoting what his mother had said.

"Thank you.", you replied annoyed, before turning to run to Maggie, and the disagreement with Deanna didn't discourage you at all. You spent the whole morning talking to as many inhabitants of Alexandria as possible, and you noticed a lot of uncertainty in their faces, confusion and fear. You certainly could not blame them, but you hoped that your word counted for them, after all, they knew you before the 'new, terrifying individuals' rescued by Aaron arrived... Maggie smiled but said nothing so you looked at her thoughtfully: Sure, she questioned the outcome of your round of attempted conviction, if you could call it that. You walked silently for a while, then Maggie spoke again.

"I haven't seen Daryl yet."

"I think he went out this morning..."

She sighed and her shoulders slumped. "I understand it, I would do it too if I could."

It was the first time you felt a vague sense of suffocation in those walls. If you could, you would have run out of the gate at the same time, staying out with Daryl until the mess calmed down. Preferably only he and you, as happened after the destruction of the Prison; or like training at dawn the previous month. Instead, you would have stayed inside, continuing your desperate attempt to act as a hinge between two worlds that seemed almost incompatible at the time.

The meeting was to take place in the backyard of Deanna's house... Around the small fire that had been lit on that cold autumn evening to keep you warm stood on one side the inhabitants of Alexandria and on the other side your family. You were right in the middle and Spencer and Deanna sat opposite you. Maggie, next to you, kept looking anxiously at the entrance to the yard. "Where is Glenn?"

In her whisper you felt all the fear because she had not seen him since that morning and you could not blame her; not even Daryl appeared. In fact, they were not the only ones missing: Rick, Pete, Nicholas, and Father Gabriel were also missing.

Deanna decided that the meeting would have started equally without the two main protagonists. If you had something to say, you could start talking. It was like a strange kind of spoken choreography, in which the opinions of the inhabitants of Alexandria and 'yours' changed, even though it was not so clear to you, in your opinion.  
More or less bland doubts were expressed about the reliability of Rick; Fear that one day your leader might lose his head and kill himself without being conscientious.  
Anyone who has known Rick for a long time has not failed to vigorously defend him: First Michonne spoke, then Carol, Abraham, Maggie and others of you to convince the doubters that the best choice for all was that Rick stayed here.  
They gave you time to think about what to say, as if you were a mediator between the two groups: When it was time to speak, you felt a little nervous; You had to choose the right words, though many of the things you wanted to express had already been said by the others.

"I, like Rick and all of us, have been through a lot. We have changed, we had to change to survive. This man has had the courage to take on the difficult task of a leader to enable us all to go forward and protect ourselves from the enemy and the living dead. I know his ways may seem unorthodox, but it is thanks to him if I can be with you right now to talk about it. Believe me, you need Rick, this place needs Rick Grimes. You just don't see it yet. But we, we just have to stay together, live together, fight together."

After your intervention, there followed a few moments of silence muted by the crackle of the little fire's glow. You hoped that despite this silence, your speech had arrived. That those who listened to you understood it too. Since no one could add anything, Deanna continued the word, letting know, in the name of transparency, what Father Gabriel had told her, adding that what Rick had done was affirmation; You clenched your fists as you felt a wave of anger come over you. But you had to stay calm...

"I was hoping Gabriel would be here tonight.", she finished and stepped back.

"I don't see him, Deanna, but you're telling something someone else said.", Jessie pointed out. "Did you record it?"

"He isn't here.", Maggie said.

"Not even Rick!", Deanna answered hard.

Maggie stared at her for a few moments with the same hardness in her own eyes, then she said goodbye with a simple "Sorry." and went. You followed her spontaneously, but stopped, reminding yourself that your job was to stay there to defend Rick.

After an initial moment of embarrassment, Denise, one of the original residents of Alexandria, decided to speak. You followed her gaze like everyone else. At the entrance to Deanna's backyard, Rick had shown up, blood on his face and a dead body on his right shoulder. For a second, you were really scared that it was Pete...  
He walked past you and threw the lifeless body to the ground, which turned out to be the body of a Walker. "There were no guards outside the gate, it was open!", he said in an excited and aggressive tone.

You looked to Deanna with a look for explanations.

"I asked Gabriel to close it.", Spencer said suddenly.

"Go away!", Deanna ordered with a serious expression as Rick stepped forward and approached the fire. " I didn't bring him in. He came in here on his own!", he replied, then turned to Deanna and Spencer, who watched in astonishment: "They will always show up here, the dead and the living, because we are here and the people out there hunt and will find us. They will try. But we will survive: And I can show you how!"

As he spoke, Rick looked around and gradually met the eyes of the other inhabitants of Alexandria; When you felt his clear eyes, you felt something in your stomach... He knew that what he was saying was true, and you hoped that awareness would reach people who were watching him with fear. You looked at Deanna, who was getting paler; Maybe she began to realize that Alexandria was the only thing she had to save herself from the outside world.

"You know, I've been thinking..." Rick scratched his temple with his finger and looked almost neutral. "I've been thinking about how many of you I have to kill to save your life."

You felt uncomfortable when you met Carol's disappointed look, as if you both agreed that this sentence was unnecessary. It was unhelpful to say so in front of a group of frightened people discussing his exile.

"But I don't have to do it because you're going to change!", he added in a more conciliatory tone. Then he turned directly to Deanna. "I don't regret what I said last night: I'm sorry I didn't say it before, you're not ready, but you have to be ready otherwise luck will leave you!"

His words filled the silence and hovered between you, like the echo of something that was frightened, but that had to be confronted in order not to risk complete destruction.

And suddenly there was the person who would have better stayed in his house: Pete.

"You're not one of us.", he said, giving everyone time to turn to him. "You are not one of us!", he repeated with a cry, and as he raised his arms in frustration, you realized he had a knife. Rick remained unmoved, and Spencer went to calm him down, while Deanna called her son's name to warn him not to come too close to Pete. Rick stared at Pete with an icy stare, his hand on his holster and then it happened... That moment of confusion, the excitement peaked and the chaos exploded, it happened so fast that time seemed to pass slowly: Spencer, trying to block Pete, pushed him away energetically. The knife which cut through Spencer's carotid artery, the blood and body of the man who collapsed, then the scream of Deanna, the hand he had brought to his throat trembling violently, but it was nothing compared to the gurgling he launched when he choked on his own blood... In desperation, you knelt down as you tried to get the picture out of your head immediately. Your heart beat wildly in your ears and your breath almost stopped in your throat.

"Spencer, stay here, please stay here...", Deanna whispered, pushing fabric to his neck, and you walked away, letting yourself fall against the banister, while Pete's screams came to you, faint and muffled, saying: "He was it! It is his fault!"

With the tears clouded, you saw that Abraham held him still, his face pressed against the ground. You saw Deanna looking for Rick's gaze as if it were a lifeline. His Colt Python revolver Rick held in his hands was aimed at Pete.

"Rick?", murmured the Alexandria leader and it was a second of silence before the woman spoke again. "Do it!", she said and instinctively looked elsewhere. Shortly thereafter, the deafening sound of the gun sounded.  
You closed your eyes, but heard a voice in the midst of the runaway situation and tried to orient yourself helplessly. Although upset, you managed to look up at the man who had just spoken. At first you saw him blurry, but recognized him a short time later. His name formed on your lips and came out in an inaudible whisper.

Daryl Dixon...

You did not understand how, but Daryl seemed to hear your murmur, for soon after his gaze was fixed on yours, his expression changed as if he had just seen a ghost. Probably as shocked as you was, you really looked like a ghost. Your tears did not stop running as you watched out of the corner of your eye as Jessie helped Deanna stand up and someone had pulled Spencer's body out of the pool of blood he had created...

You had done everything wrong: It wasn't good. It was all for nothing. It had been fucked up, as Daryl had predicted.

You looked up just in time to see Daryl kneeling in front of you.

"Y/N!", he shouted. You just had to look at his face to feel a little better and nodded, so you started to lift your hands and rub your cheeks to dry them, but with a quick gesture, Daryl grabbed your wrists and stopped you. "C'mon, get up.", he challenged you, stepping aside and laying a hand on your back, while getting back on your feet was like being immersed in reality. The indistinct voice had just faded: Many of the residents were gone, surely Rick had been ordered to bring everyone back to their own home, as well as the two corpses, maybe it was Abraham who put them aside and Carol had stayed by the fire. Deanna, who was sitting on the ground, facing her son's blood was staring now into the void. Daryl turned to Rick: "The hell happened?"

But you did not hear the answer, because you went to Deanna and leaned next to her. "Deanna..."

"I did everything wrong...", she murmured, not looking at you. Actually, you were not even sure she was talking to you. You sighed with concern, you understood what she was referring to, what she was doing: If she stopped Pete first Spencer would have stayed alive. Then you got up and walked away, you just wanted to go home, take a shower, and try to sleep all day. After you went away from Deanna's yard, you heard footsteps behind you: You turned in shock to calm down immediately when you realized it was Daryl, and you stopped in the middle of the road and watched him as he reached you.

"Hey.", you said as he stopped in front of you. "Did Rick give you an order?"

He hesitated for a moment, heaving the crossbow on his right shoulder. "No."

You remained silent, watching him confused, waiting for him to add something. He looked down and you wanted to say something as Daryl looked up at you again.

"Yer alright?", he asked softly.

He wanted to make sure you were fine. As soon as you noticed it, your eyes filled with tears as a warm feeling spread through your chest. You tried to loosen the knot in my throat. "Could be better.", you admitted.

He nodded and studied you for a few moments. The blue eyes frightened you for some reason, so you looked at the ground. You did not want to use Daryl again as a Wailing Wall or to leave out bad moods, for everything that had happened. The wind moved beside you and you realized that Daryl had overtaken you and left. "Where are you going?", you asked uncertainly.

He stopped and answered without looking back. "Let's go home.", he said, hiding his expression.

A calming feeling like the one you had before reached every nerve in your body. You were annoyed and he was there, with you, to be near you. Without the need to ask him. Your eyes moistened again, but this time not because of sadness. But because of relief. Daryl made sure you were at his side before he went on silently. Your heart started beating faster when he suddenly took your hand. You felt the shaking, but did not withdraw. His hand was warm, rough but soft... As if by implication, you went to your house and reached it after a few minutes. At the door of the house, when you opened it, you saw him questioningly in his eyes: He followed you inside without letting go of your hand. He closed the door, led you into the dark living room, and invited you to sit on the sofa. Then he left your hand to put the crossbow down and against the table. Daryl gave you a sidelong glance and you sat in silence for a few moments in the lamp light of the living room.

"Yer feelin' better? Compared to 'fore, I mean.", he suddenly asked, surprising you. It was the second time today that he asked you.

"More or less, I just had to get away from all that shit, why are you asking?", you asked cautiously.

He shrugged indifferently. "Don' know..."

"What do you think?"

Daryl gave you an indecipherable look and then looked away immediately. "Nothin', forget it."

You looked at him and frowned with a half smile. "You know, I think I understand, I'm quieter than usual. But at least I'm with you." He turned back to you, so you continued: "Well, the thing is, I don't want to use you as a Wailing Wall, as I usually do...", you said.

"Ya' talk 'til I get tired, so I can always preten' to listen.", he answered in a false tone.

"Why don't you do it then?", you joked. Then you looked down and played with a thread that had escaped from the seams of your shirt. "I don't know what to say anyway, I just have such a mess in my head... I'm pissed off and disappointed, I'm disappointed with the situation, I was convinced that today's meeting could solve everything, instead it ended it with two deaths."

"Certain situations can only degenerate.", Daryl answered.

"Yes, but... I have never considered this scenario, I haven't realized that you always have to be prepared for the worst yet.", you murmured, clutching your arms. "Last night, when I told you it was alright, I believed it, there was no other alternative for me."

"Well, 's yer way of hopin'."

"I start to think that it's not so positive to think that way, every time I collide with reality, it's like a punch in the stomach, maybe I'm not optimistic, just stupid."

"Bullshit.", Daryl snorted.

He was always so encouraging and confronting you, though he liked to play the role of a rude and indifferent person. You looked down at his hand and squeezed it, leaning back and leaning against his warm body.

"Thanks, Daryl.", you whispered in a broken voice, but your heart was full of relief.

What surprised you was that he did not stiffen when you leaned against him: The grip on your hand increased for a second and he put his cheek against your neck, saying nothing. His warmth surrounded you and made you feel safe. Sure it would not have been necessary to specifically ask him to stay. Not that night. So you remained silent for a while; After not knowing how long, a question came to your mind.

"With who did you come from?"

At first you thought Daryl had fallen asleep, because it took him a moment to answer. "His name 's Morgan, he's longtime friend of Rick, I mean, he's the first person Rick met in this damn fucked up world."

"How did you find him?"

"Met in the woods a few miles from 'ere. He showed a map with the name Rick Grimes written on it, 'nd Abraham left a message for him 'fore he left, ya' remember the story?"

"Yes..."

In fact, it was very difficult to focus on anything other than the naturalness with which you could speak with clasped hands.

"Don' know how, but he managed to find us."

"We can say that he was in the right place at the right time..."

"Nicholas will bury Spencer tomorrow.", he informed you and you sighed. There were too many funerals at this time, for your liking. "And Pete?"

"Rick will burn him outside the walls."

You stiffened and your thoughts immediately went to his sons Ron and Sam. You imagined how they needed to feel when they saw the body of their father, who was rejected by the entire community.

Daryl looked sideways at you. "What?"

You shrugged your shoulders. "On the one hand, I understand it after all that Pete did, he destroyed his family and Deanna's, but I think of his kids, especially Ron."

"Pete 's a piece of shit, I think 's kids know it too."

"Of course, but he's dead, now he can't hurt anyone anymore, and I think it's right that those who stay have a place to cry for those who have lost them."

You don't know if you just imagined it, but you felt Daryl's grip on your hand tighten. He remained silent, probably to give you time to respect your feelings. There was not much he could say or do to comfort you. At some point you yawned aloud and Daryl left your hand to encircle your shoulders with one arm as you stretched your legs out on the couch. You felt him relax: In tacit agreement you decided to stay there for the night. You reached out an arm to grab the blanket you had on the back of the sofa. In the silence of Daryl's breath, you let the fatigue overwhelm you and disappeared into the unconsciousness of sleep.

When you woke up the next morning, you found yourself on the couch in a fetal position. You sat up and rubbed your eyes whereupon you dragged yourself into the bathroom. Shortly after, your way led you into the kitchen. As you ate one of Carol's cookies, you noticed yourself looking at the hand Daryl had held so long last night. Did he regret having come so close to you? You tried not to think about it and not ask too many questions. Then you decided to take a shower, brush your teeth, and then went upstairs to put on clean clothes. You then wanted to go to Maggie and then to the rest of your family to see how the situation was in general. But suddenly you heard a knock on the door.  
When you opened it, you found Daryl standing in front of you.

"Good mornin', can I come in?", he began, pointing with a nod to the corridor.

You smiled and were pleasantly surprised. "Good morning, did you come to get your crossbow?", you asked as you let him in. When he reached the living room, you noticed that he was carrying a backpack. You tried to suppress your curiosity when you saw him standing in the middle of the room.

"I thought you were with the others, I was just leaving.", you informed him. He looked at you for a few moments, then turned and walked into the kitchen and laid his backpack on the table. You followed him perplexed. At this point, you could not help yourself anymore.

"Daryl, what's that?", you asked, looking at him from the other side of the table as he opened it.

"Went to Deanna this mornin'.", he said, not looking at you as he held out his open backpack. You stopped and for a moment it seemed like you could not breathe.

The backpack contained various objects. With your trembling hand, you took out CDs at first and put them on the table. Next, you pulled out a rather heavy block and opened it. They were full of notes and sketches of architectural elements. Then you reached the ground. It was a picture made by Aaron, who portrayed you and Aiden and you recognized the recruiter's kitchen. You wiped your cheeks with your other hand and looked at Daryl.

"That's all I could find.", he said quietly and fled before your eyes. He put his hand to his belt, which held a holster with a pistol. "Was his, I thought ya' might want to keep it."

When he handed it to you, you picked it up and looked at it. "Olivia allowed me to take it, so...", he said and stopped immediately. He snorted and put his hands in his pockets. "Well, ya' understan', it's yers now, Deanna doesn' want to keep it."

You stared at him speechless. For the first time you had nothing to say: It was all too much. Daryl went to Deanna's house. He had collected some items from Aiden. You could not say anything to express the deep gratitude you felt for Daryl at the time. For everything he had done for you. You heart would probably overflow because all these emotions threatened to overwhelm you. The knot that formed in your throat was oppressive, and you realized that you could not speak: You could not put it off any longer or to pretend, that you felt nothing for Daryl. Not after what he had done for you in those last few hours. For once, you would not have needed words, they would have been useless and reductive. You tried to control your breathing as you slowly put the gun on the table. Your eyes met his and from that moment you did not leave them. Not even while walking around the table with the same slowness to stop in front of him. His face was not far from you. There was only Daryl and you realized: There was always only Daryl Dixon. And you knew that he could understand it from the resolve, mixed with the desire, by how you looked at him. With an unnerving slowness, you began to bring your face closer to him. You immediately sensed that his breathing had become irregular, just like yours.

"Y/N...", he protested weakly, his voice low and hoarse, trying to escape and moving his face away from you as you approached him, but you did not allow it as you stood on tiptoe and with a jerk you grabbed the collar of his shirt and approached him abruptly as your lips collided. Stunned by the impulse of that gesture, it took you a few seconds to understand that you were kissing Daryl. At first, he resisted and grabbed both arms, probably to escape from himself, but he didn't: After a few seconds, you felt him relax, or perhaps resignedly, and took a deep breath. He leaned forward and overwhelmed you, dropping his hands to your hips as he rested his forehead on yours. You looked at each other closer than ever before: The intensity with which he looked at you could have made you break down if you hadn't clung to his body. And you did not understand what he read in your eyes, if that was the moment when he completely committed himself to what you both felt. All you could do was to feel his hand resting on now on your cheek, holding your hip with the other arm to keep you close. As if you were a fragile object that he should handle with care.

And yet you have never felt as strong as before in his arms...

~THE END~


End file.
